thank you all so much for taking time to reply.
the last few days have been busy, but back to normal. it is hard to just pretend nothing happened; i find myself just avoiding him, which isn't a very nice way to live. we basically can't say anything to him. he doesn't want to move out. our meeting with the principal was predictable; he skips school more than he is there; he doesn't hand stuff in;but he wants to graduate with his friends, and he has a chance to do that if he really tries; but he is still not putting up enough of an effort. he was late again today, and mouthy about it to boot. like the principal said, all kids go through that stage, but he should have outgrown it by now. and there are other kids lined up for some of the courses he needs. and the teachers are going out of their way to help him make up points. he got 49 percent in math last year, because he didn't hand stuff in. so they are trying to let him make up the points. all of us trying to help him, and he really doesn't care...the only thing keeping him there is he wants to graduate with his friends. he was told he could come back for another semester, but he doesn't consider that an option.
so, it seems like with whatever options there are, he has the ultimate control, and does what he wants. i am going to talk to our family doctor this week, about getting him evaluated somehow. i cannot let him think this is acceptable or normal behaviour. i know he needs some kind of help, i only hope he accepts it. the last time we went through this, over a year ago, we took him to the group home. it was horrible. i just cried the whole time she explained things to us. we left and didn't go back. and he was better, for a while after that.
as for myself, i have my writing, and my music. and my partner is very hands on; he works nights and so is home most of the time. so we try to support each other. so i think we will be okay. as sad and angry as the whole situation makes us, we manage. i just keep thinking, just a little bit longer; and i know things will be okay eventually.
he is a good kid, deep down; i sometimes think he never got over his brother being born, and him sharing our family bed, and my boobies!(they are a year and a half apart). but as mean as he can be, he is really his brothers best friend. and i really think my other kids have learned from his mistakes. they are very opposite.
after everything we have gone through, i feel guilty about basically nothing coming of it. but as long as he shows up at school, we have to give him every chance. i know if he moves out he will drop out. i do not want that to be an option.
am i just taking the easy way out and not doing enough? love is blind, as they say, and i do feel as if i just have to forgive and forget with him; but also take steps to avoid this ever happening again. and largely, i feel, i have to bide my time and keep my mouth shut. get him as much help as is available and hope for the best. it isn't fair to any of us to have to put up with his surliness, but we are a family, and we cannot give up.
thanks again for listening:) you really have all been a great help. i needed outside eyes, and i do not share a lot of this with my friends. my hubby is my best friend, which can be limiting. it is nice to have others to talk to who have gone through similar things.