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post #21 of 27

I decided to do a quick search for the type of homes for teen boys that Linda on the move and myself mentioned in previous posts and I found this - http://www.mcf.gov.bc.ca/maples/response.htm, in British Columbia.

 

Would something like this be an option?

post #22 of 27

Teen homes are 50/50, 50% good 50% bad.  I would cry each time I had to drop my cousin off at the place he was staying.  It was horrible.  That was here in Texas though.  I don't think it's worth it.  Drugs are more plentiful and really well hidden.  Stealing, fighting all sort of crap.  Yes they have systems to keep people in line, and my cousin got the crap beat out him for not doing what he was supposed to do.  I just don't see how that made him a better person. 

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by JollyGG View Post

I decided to do a quick search for the type of homes for teen boys that Linda on the move and myself mentioned in previous posts and I found this - http://www.mcf.gov.bc.ca/maples/response.htm, in British Columbia.

 

Would something like this be an option?



 

 

post #23 of 27

Op I shared your story with my DH, and he honestly said "that was me!"  He was so depressed and his anxiety levels were so high in highschool he would fight tooth and nail not to go.  And honestly his parents didn't understand.  Now they sit around and talk about it and realize they just didn't know he felt so horrible.  He would throw things and punch walls everything.  He said being forced to do something that he felt was so unbareable at that time would seem so unfair to him of course he would act out that way. 

 

Even though he's been pretty rotten to you all, I would say to tell him he may quit school if he enrolls in a GED program and gets a part time job.  What if he's willing to do that?  In a moment of calm you could broach that subject with him.  He's not bad he's probably overwhelmed and feels the whole family hates him.  Or can't stand him. 

 

Good Luck

post #24 of 27
In my city, YMCA has a shelter for teens called Safe Place. I don't know if there is something in your area similar.
They take children that are either remanded from the state, homeless by choice or because their parents are and they're too old for family shelter and too young for adult shelter, or their parents sign them in for behavioral reasons.
They are expected to attend school, follow the rules, mke a case plan, learn life skills, and help out. My brother is a Youth Leader there. They are highly trained in dealing with the youth in distress. They have a very high success rate, even with the toughest kids to 'crack'.
Also, if you think it may help, let him meet people in shelters, institutions, etc. That started out like him. Think 'scared straight'
I did no have time to check all replies so sorry if I repeated other's remarks.
post #25 of 27
Quote:
Originally Posted by Imakcerka View Post

Teen homes are 50/50, 50% good 50% bad.  I would cry each time I had to drop my cousin off at the place he was staying.  It was horrible.  That was here in Texas though.  I don't think it's worth it.  Drugs are more plentiful and really well hidden.  Stealing, fighting all sort of crap.  Yes they have systems to keep people in line, and my cousin got the crap beat out him for not doing what he was supposed to do.  I just don't see how that made him a better person.


I'm guessing these vary a lot. I do think it is, at least, something to look into. I had several friends who ended up at the "girls school" in my state and yes they hated it. They disliked all the rules and being away from there families and friends. But none were abused while there and most toed the line and straightened up their act, if for no other reason then to get to go home.

 

There is the potential for some pretty bad situations, but there's also the potential for it being just what he needs.

 

It at least sounds like a better option than kicking your teen out. Kicking your kid out also sends a very different message to the kid than trying to get them the help you think they need, even if they hate the help offered.

 

I know nothing about the program I posted. But it does show that the programs are out there. They just may need to search for the right program for their son and their family. The one I posted was a government sponsored service. I assume there are also several private ones in British Colombia as well. I would think it was, at least, worth it to talk to the program and take a tour and see if it seems like a good option that might work for them.

 

 

 

post #26 of 27
Thread Starter 

thank you all so much for taking time to reply.

the last few days have been busy, but back to normal. it is hard to just pretend nothing happened; i find myself just avoiding him, which isn't a very nice way to live. we basically can't say anything to him. he doesn't want to move out. our meeting with the principal was predictable; he skips school more than he is there; he doesn't hand stuff in;but he wants to graduate with his friends, and he has a chance to do that if he really tries; but he is still not putting up enough of an effort. he was late again today, and mouthy about it to boot. like the principal said, all kids go through that stage, but he should have outgrown it by now. and there are other kids lined up for some of the courses he needs. and the teachers are going out of their way to help him make up points. he got 49 percent in math last year, because he didn't hand stuff in. so they are trying to let him make up the points. all of us trying to help him, and he really doesn't care...the only thing keeping him there is he wants to graduate with his friends. he was told he could come back for another semester, but he doesn't consider that an option.

so, it seems like with whatever options there are, he has the ultimate control, and does what he wants. i am going to talk to our family doctor this week, about getting him evaluated somehow. i cannot let him think this is acceptable or normal behaviour. i know he needs some kind of help, i only hope he accepts it. the last time we went through this, over a year ago, we took him to the group home. it was horrible. i just cried the whole time she explained things to us. we left and didn't go back. and he was better, for a while after that.

 

as for myself, i have my writing, and my music. and my partner is very hands on; he works nights and so is home most of the time. so we try to support each other. so i think we will be okay. as sad and angry as the whole situation makes us, we manage. i just keep thinking, just a little bit longer; and i know things will be okay eventually.

he is a good kid, deep down; i sometimes think he never got over his brother being born, and him sharing our family bed, and my boobies!(they are a year and a half apart). but as mean as he can be, he is really his brothers best friend. and i really think my other kids have learned from his mistakes. they are very opposite.

 

after everything we have gone through, i feel guilty about basically nothing coming of it. but as long as he shows up at school, we have to give him every chance. i know if he moves out he will drop out. i do not want that to be an option.

am i just taking the easy way out and not doing enough? love is blind, as they say, and i do feel as if i just have to forgive and forget with him; but also take steps to avoid this ever happening again. and largely, i feel, i have to bide my time and keep my mouth shut. get him as much help as is available and hope for the best. it isn't fair to any of us to have to put up with his surliness, but we are a family, and we cannot give up.

 

thanks again for listening:) you really have all been a great help. i needed outside eyes, and i do not share a lot of this with my friends. my hubby is my best friend, which can be limiting.  it is nice to have others to talk to who have gone through similar things.

 

 

 

 

 

post #27 of 27

I know how you feel and my heart goes out to you. I also raised my oldest son with so much love only to have him treat me and my other children so bad when he hit the age 14. He respected everyone else but us. It was so bad that I called around to find a place to send him that would be able to help him with his anger. Just making those calls tore my heart  in pieces. right before I was going to go thru with everything my husband called the local Marines and took him down there to sign him up. He was almost 17 so we did an early enlistment. He had to report to the Marine office 3 times a week. It changed everything. He respected me and his siblings so much better. We had a few rocky times but all I had to do was make a phone call to the Marines and he was straightened out. He is 21 now. Married to a wonderful girl and has a son. I am so proud of him. He has a few bad habits I dont like but his life totally changed and he serves his country and takes great care of his family.

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