Talking About Birth Fathers

[Polliwog]

As I posted yesterday, we're going to have a visit with DD's birth father tomorrow. She doesn't know him or really care how babies are made (she'll be five this winter) so I'm having trouble explaining what a "birth father" is. Birth mothers are easy. We know DS's birth mother, they know my mother, and know lots of women who have babies. But, father's are obviously different. How do I explain who this man Is?

[queenjane]

I'm not sure how to explain, but the birthfather issue is a constant source of...well i wont say "stress" but its difficult here. D had a close loving relationship with his bdad (but not so much his bmom) and talks about him constantly. K has an unknown father but in order to keep up with D has started just making up random stuff ("my daddy's name is....is...uh...Lion King!!")...D also just makes up stuff that can't possibly be true and since the last he lived in his bdad's house was when he was 16 months old i doubt he can remember "in my daddy's house there was a green cat! my daddy took me to disney world! my daddy has an elephant in his backyard!" I think this would all be different if we actually had a real daddy in our house they could transfer those emotions and "daddy thoughts" to...because neither of them ever talk about their 'other mommy'.

[Polliwog]

It's all weird, isn't it. There's no Daddy in my house either. The kids only ever bring up Chris's birth mother (because we see her sometimes) but they don't really get who she is, either. But they know that DS (and his sisters) were in her belly (or her body.) They never bring up DS's birth father or DD's birth mother.

[Polliwog]

I decided that I'm not going to refer to him as her birth father right now. She isn't ready to get it yet. So, when we talk about seeing him, we'll use his first name like we do anyone else.

I still have to figure out how to talk with DS about his birth father. There are major mental health issues and I'm not sure how to talk about that with him. It's unlikely that DS will ever meet his birth father.

[pumpkingirl71]

I agree that birthfather is a hard topic!  Dd's birthparents were married at on point, so that made the topic a little easier for little ones to get their head around.  But it was a very bad marriage, so I am confused about even how to talk about that...

[christophersmom]

With us, we have daddy and mommy in the house. With Miss M, we don't have any information on her birth father, so will likely never be able to answer any questions. With baby D it is likely (at this moment) that she will have contact with her bio-dad, so there probably won't be many questions.