Potty Learning

[Amatullah0]

I'll start first off by saying that I would really like it if DS gives up diapers, because I'm getting pretty sick of changing this kid's diapers, and the rashes that he gets because he refuses to take the diaper off, and the screaming because he refuses to put the new diaper on. It's like a constant struggle. 

He is 29 months old, been using the potty since about 9 months old in between diaper changes/sometimes we catch a poop. In between diaper changes, he sits on the toilet, I wash him, and I let him sit there in case he decides to pee/poop. He doesn't hate it there, I'd even say he likes it. Sometimes he pulls the shower curtain around himself for extra privacy. 

But, he absolutely hates taking the old diaper off. Once it's off and he's sitting on the potty he's fine. Once he's done, he will usually come off the potty by himself, and he knows to stay/that he's not done yet if his bladder is full or if he's about to poop. 

When he was around 22 months old, he spent 3 months using diapers only for nighttime and outside trips, but whenever he

peed/pooped it wasn't usually on the potty, he went in his underwear or pants or on the ground if he wasn't wearing anything. 

More recently, he runs away when it's time to put the diaper on. Sometimes he is ok with it, especially if he realizes that he has to put it on before going outside. He's usually more ok with underwear, but he still runs away most of the time. He's fine once the diaper or underwear is on, and again, he wont take it off when the next change is due. Even if he's being changed for soiling his underwear. 

He uses the big potty, I put the baby one away since he doesn't have the patience to stay on it until he's done, and because it's much too hard for me to wash him when he's on it. He seems to be ok with staying on the big potty longer, though I don't make him stay on it, and he is able to get off of it on his own. 

I am having trouble understanding this. Why is my child OK with being wet? Why does he not want to change out of peed in underwear/pants? Is it because we switched to cloth diapers 4 months ago, now he just thinks that underwear is a diaper too? But even if he's wearing nothing, he will pee on the floor. About an hour ago, I changed his diaper, put him on the potty, washed him, and let him sit until he decided to get off. He got off, and before he left the bathroom, he stopped in his tracks, and went back to sit on the potty. Turns out he had to pee. I let him sit a little longer thinking he had to poop, but nope. Put underwear on him since I assumed he would realize when he had to go, and where he was to go, and every 10 min or so I asked him "do you need to go potty?" He said "no" and later he goes off to play for a few min and comes back to me a few times and the last time, I notice his underwear is wet. He wasn't coming to tell me that it was wet though, he was coming to come sit on my lap. 

I don't get it, really. Can someone see the sense in this that I can't see? Any suggestions? Currently he's only wearing a shirt, no underwear, and we'll see what happens with this. For the record, the underwear that he's been wearing is that gerber trainer underwear with the cotton batting sewn in (non-waterproof). The underwear that he used to wear when he was around 22 months was just thin cotton underwear. 

[newmamalizzy]

We haven't been through this yet, but it almost sounds to me like he's still just not quite ready.  For instance, it seems like he may not really have "elimination awareness."  Can he actually tell you if he needs to go?  I know you said he'll stay on the potty until he's done, but it seems like you are always the one to put him there in the first place?  My only suggestion here is that he may be clinging to his soiled diaper because he's feeling insecure.  It sounds like there have been lots and lots of accidents, and not a lot of successes, lots of shifting between the toilet and the underwear and the diaper.  He may just be trying to say, "No, I want to keep my diaper on!"  Hopefully others will have more insight for you.  It sounds really frustrating (and messy!). 

[Amatullah0]

Thanks! You very well may be right about him feeling insecure. I'm still interested in what insight others may have about it.

He still hardly talks, so it's hard to tell if he knows or not. But, he does stay on the potty if he is close to needing to poop, and gets upset if I try to take him off before he's ready to come off. But yesterday, when he was standing naked in the bathroom doorway, and he realized that he needed to go back and sit on the potty made me think that he can tell. 

[organicviolin]

OK here's my question....when he has accidents do you get super bothered and annoyed about yet another thing to clean up?  My hunch is that he's picking up on your vibe of getting tired of changing his diaps and he's also not sure about the consistency with the routine.  I think he's feeling insecure about letting you down.  So perhaps just let him be in diaps and offer potty only 2x a day like before nap/bedtime.  Then set a timer for every 2 hrs for the next change.  If he's still dry be super positive about it.  If there's a mess just change him quickly and be done.That's how I would handle it. GL

[Ma Cactus]

My kid really hates to be interrupted with what he is doing, and being wet never seemed to bother him either.  So maybe that is why your DS is resistant to being cleaned up?  Even if he does not speak much, it is likely that he understands a lot.  Maybe if you explained to him that taking a potty break is a lot quicker and easier than changing and being washed up etc, he would get it and be more cooperative?

We did EC, so its not quite the same scenario, but essentially, when he was ready to totally take over, we went through a period of huge resistance to my potty initiatives.  As soon as I started trying to give him some input, like taking his pants off with a potty nearby and saying 'I just thought you might need to go" but without putting him on the potty or insisting that he go right now, he got much more cooperative, and within a few months, he took over entirely to the point where he tells me every time he needs to go now.    I also tried to make pee breaks as minimally disruptive as possible - if I though the had to go, and he was standing up I would bring a plastic cup over and pull his pants down just low enough for him to go, hold the cup there, he'd go, and we'd be done.  Not having to stop what he was doing and go into another room also seemed to help him be proactive about it and let me know rather than put it off for as long as possible. 

I know how frustrating it is when you are so sick of dealing with excretion!  It makes it really hard to be calm about it, especially when they seem to make such a fight about it.  Hang in there Mama!

[Amatullah0]

Thanks, Ma Cactus it sounds like we might be having a similar struggle to what you mentioned. 

Quote:

Originally Posted by organicviolin 

OK here's my question....when he has accidents do you get super bothered and annoyed about yet another thing to clean up?  My hunch is that he's picking up on your vibe of getting tired of changing his diaps and he's also not sure about the consistency with the routine.  I think he's feeling insecure about letting you down.  So perhaps just let him be in diaps and offer potty only 2x a day like before nap/bedtime.  Then set a timer for every 2 hrs for the next change.  If he's still dry be super positive about it.  If there's a mess just change him quickly and be done.That's how I would handle it. GL

Good points. 

I don't get upset about the messes that he makes, there really hasn't been many/they're usually contained to the underwear. I don't make it a deal. If he'd dry(diaper or underwear) I do get super excited about it, and I tell him how excited I am that he is still dry. 

He has an obvious sensitive side, so it's likely he is feeling insecure about letting me down(although I never, ever intended to make him feel like that). 

[organicviolin]

Potty learning is such a milestone!  There are so many aspects of it and it's just tricky.  For all parties involved!  Hang in there!  Remember, this too shall pass and he won't be in diaps forever thought some potty humor would help lol