Anyone have a super shy tot?

[KellyandBean]

So my daughter (21 months) has been terrified of other kids (babies and toddlers mostly) for maybe 5 months now and scared of some adults too. If we are at a play center for example and a loud toddler makes a squealing sound she gets all shakey and LEAPS into my arms for me to "save her". If another kid comes close to her she crawls onto my lap and just watches them in fear. I NEVER have seen other kids her age act so shy and scared of people. Should i be worried or is this just the early stages of normal shyness? I tried to explain it to her doctor but it just so happened she was in a weird goofy mood when we were at her appointment so i don't think she understood what i was saying. Sometimes she even sticks her face into my neck and wont come out for 15-20 minuets even after the scary kid/adult has left the room. She is an only child with me at home full time so she doesn't really get a lot of time with other kids. We have a music class with other kids and we go to play center once a week and library story time once a week too but she doesn't really have any one on one with other kids. Is this something i should be working on putting together or do you think once she gets a bit older (2.5? maybe?) she will eventually realize that she can play with other kids in the same way that she plays with mommy? I guess i am just worried i should be doing more to help her with social interaction but i am shy too so i know how she feels and i don't want to push her to hard and have her regress. Anyway, anyone else dealing with this or had a kid like this with advice?

[Snapdragon]

My 20 month old isn't shy to that extent. But, he does like to feel the comfort of mom (me) in new csocial situations for a while. So for example I brought him to a new music class recently and I just let him sit in my lap and observe for most of the class until by the end he chose to get up and paly around some.

So my advice is to just support her and not encourage her to go beyond her comfort level.  Keep bringing her to kids things and classes, but let her sit in your lap as much as she needs to so she can feel safe. At this age they are still so much babies- even though they walk and talk! 

I don't know really that there is anything esle you can do other than just contiunue to make her feel safe with you in social situations.  I think trying to enocurage her away from you might just make her more frightened. good luck

[crunchy_mommy]

My almost-3yo DS is very shy too & always has been, though it's improved over the last few months.

If it makes you feel any better, he has a very very busy social calendar & several good one-on-one friends but is still shy with most people (he has gotten better with his close friends at least over the past 6mos or so). So I don't think it's anything you're doing wrong or a lack of socialization, it's just how some kids are.

I am considering consulting a pedi psychologist because of his anxiety and fears. Severe anxiety disorders run in my family though and DS is scared of many many things in addition to people so I'm worried there may be something more going on. I don't think just being shy is a huge concern at that age, I've come across lots of shy kids. Social interaction/play with same-age peers doesn't seem to take off 'til age 2 or 3 from what I've seen. But if your DD's shyness seems to be part of a larger set of fears, it couldn't hurt to consult someone for some tips.

Sometimes I give DS small 'tasks' when he seems up to handling them -- simple things like saying "hi" back to someone who has greeted us, or receiving the mail from the mailman, or handing over my credit card at the cash register. He really loves doing these little things and I think it helps him to learn how to interact with people and feel more comfortable with it.

I also noticed it really helps to get to places early (i.e. play at the library for 1/2 an hour or so before story hour). Then he has time to get used to the environment and he is much more comfortable and open with others.

Social stories also help -- telling him exactly where we are going, who will be there, what kinds of things he might do with them, that he might give his friend a hug and say hi, etc.

He has definitely benefited from one-on-one friendships, and he really opens up to people who visit our home (rather than seeing them out in public or at their home). So it couldn't hurt to try to set up some play dates just to see where it takes you. The first few may be awkward & she might just cling to you the whole time but she may open up after a bit. I don't think you NEED to do play dates but it could be fun -- for both of you.

[mommyofgb]

I also have a super shy dd, although she is really blossoming and coming out of her shell more since turning 3 last month. She has always been smiley and happy, but just very quiet, even with close family. She now will talk openly and seems more comfortable since starting preschool and being around other kids who are natural extroverts. Perhaps that helped, perhaps its the age, but she is getting better at being more social. I have never thought there was anything wrong with being shy, I was terribly shy as a kid and my parents never pushed anything on me and I never do with my own daughter. She still won't talk to strangers when they ask her questions, but that is just her. I think the best thing to do is to keep exposing her to things and talking to others so she can watch and learn from you.

[cyclamen]

I was thinking of this thread the other day at a playgroup.  I think it's probably within the range of normal.

DD who is 2.5 has been going to playgroups with the same set of moms and kids since she was a newborn.  She's always been on the reserved side.  The other day, all the 1-4yos that she's known forever were running pell mell around the house and leaping off the couch.  DD was in my shirt pretending to be a newborn baby, and nursing like one.  It's just who she is.  I wouldn't mind if she was leaping off the couch, and in fact, at home she takes flying leaps off of the big bed onto the little one on the floor, so it's not a case of physical confidence.  She is just very selective about the people she feels comfortable with, and with those people she is very social and rambunctious.  She has one particular friend who is 4 that she just loves and follows around like a puppy.  But big groups?  Even big groups full of people that she knows?  She's not so interested.  And it's no wonder; when DP and I attend social gatherings, we sit in the corner.  :)