I'd hoped that by the time I was this far into my baby-having years that I'd have developed better coping skills for the first trimester. The anxiety, at times, is all-consuming. I wish I felt sicker (or better, depending on the moment), I wish I could hear the baby's heartbeat NOW, I wish I could just KNOW that everything will be fine- or even that it won't- it's the not knowing that is so hard. The connection to the baby is so delicate at this stage- the only REAL proof I have of this life-changing person inside me is a tiny purple line on a stick. I am just so anxious for days and weeks to pass, til I can hear my baby's heartbeat and feel little fluttery movements.
And, alternately, I think about all the what-ifs and HOWs. HOW will we afford this birth? What if something goes wrong? HOW am I going to mother these four tiny people?
Anyway, I'm posting this because I needed to vent and in hopes that I'm not the only one feeling this.