How can I help my 6-year-old with time anxiety?

[Caryliz]

My DS1 has what I would call severe "time anxiety", and I really need to find some coping mechanisms for him or ways to help. He is not, in general, an anxious kid. He is very bright, outgoing, energetic, social and affectionate, very literate, doesn't exhibit any particular problem behaviors (other than perhaps his selective parental deafness and current obsession with fart jokes, but I'm pretty sure that's entirely age-appropriate!) But he has high anxiety about time - about being on time, running out of time, having to perform within a timed setting.

So for example, we have to leave the house by 8:20 each day to get to school on time. If it gets to be past 8:15 and he is still dawdling about getting his coat and shoes, and I say, "Come on, get going, we're going to be late!" he will literally melt down - he screams out "Eeeeyahh!" and starts panting, runs around in circles or back and forth, sobbing, alternately waving his arms and making fists and beating his chest, and getting so snotty and teary and red in the face and worked up that I have to take him in my arms and sit on the floor and rock him until he calms down. Literally. ALL BECAUSE I SUGGESTED THAT IF HE DIDN'T GET A MOVE ON WE WERE GOING TO BE LATE. Not that we ARE late, but that we COULD be late if he didn't move a little faster. Ahem.

But that's just one example. The reason I'm reaching out for help is because it's impacting him at school. He does just fine on written tests, because so far, they're not timed. And because he's bright and generally does well on the tests, he's not a kid who needs extra time. But when the teacher tests them on math facts or sight words using flashcards, she uses a 3-second timer, and he gets completely freaked out. He knows this stuff - we practice it at home all the time. But he gets so anxious when the timer comes out that he panics and just starts throwing out answers (even if he knows they are wrong) because he's terrified of the timer.

I just came from a conference with his teacher, whom both DS1 and I adore, and she commiserated with me about the issue, but didn't have any suggestions. Do any of you? I really want to be able to help him cope with this. I tried googling "time anxiety", but all I came up with was "test anxiety", which wasn't really helpful.

TIA -

Cary

[reezley]

My 7yo comes with different quirks (and a lot of the same normal selective hearing and poop-joke stuff too of course), so I'm just imagining what I might do if we were dealing with a "timer" issue.  My younger son also doesn't like the pressure of a timer (like in board games that use them) so I can see how some kids are uncomfortable with it.   I might try some desensitizing, using a timer for some easy stuff so he can get used to how much time it really is.  Like for getting ready in the morning, starting at 7:45 or whatever, you could use a timer at every 5 minute interval for getting ready with little tasks - in the first five minutes, he puts on on his shirt.  In the second five minutes, his pants, in the third, putting everything in his backpack, etc.  Maybe if he finds that easy, you can go to 2 minutes, one minute, etc.   And if you practice the math facts at home, why not practice with a timer at home - but for longer than 3 seconds.  Maybe even run the timer for 20 seconds without doing anything, just so he can get used to it running down. Hopefully he could see that a timer dinging and running out of time is not the end of the world.    It's unfortunate that school is putting emphasis on doing things so fast, I haven't seen that yet as my son is only in 1st grade. I hope they don't do things that way.  :\

[meemee]

yes my dd also has the crippling time issue. and other anxiety issues. her problem is perfectionism. and competitiveness. she does not like losing and she likes everything perfect. the timer pushes her on that. 

i have never found anything that really works for her. instead i just talk to her. and when i am in crisis i speak aloud to her while going thru it so she sees my process. 

i have never actually focused just on the time thing. instead i have focused in life. gotten to the root problem of why its an anxiety. 

honestly (since its not a chemical imbalance) age and maturity has been the factor that has helped her the most. she understands better at say 7 than at 6. 

her anxiety was much worse till the age of 5 and started going down little by little when she was 6.

here are some of my talk that has helped dd. i have told her what is truly important in school is to have fun. to enjoy the process. i personally dont care if she gets an A or not. i've told her i know her abilities, i dont need a letter grade to tell me how she is doing. 

when i am watching the clock and know its not going to work out - i let it go with saying out loud - well i tried my best. it didnt work out. but its not the end of the world. i also share with dd how much i hate pushing the clock. it puts me on edge immediately. 

so in a way its more of changing her attitude. even at 9 she still takes a lot of cues from me and actively watches how i handle life. she watches very closely. and she has seen me fall. and she has seen me do well. at the end i've survived. 

we've done deep breathing exercises, lots and lots of meditation (started at 3), imagination. 

dd barely gets any more tummy aches so i know her anxiety is not as intense as it was in K. 

aaaargh there was one more thing i was going to say but i forgot.