Be careful about ICAN and other such groups - Page 3

[Lisa1970]

Originally Posted by neveraim 

You tell me why I would make up a second name to post under.  It doesn't make any sense to me either.  That's because I didn't.  Sheesh, Lisa...If I'd wanted to go incognito, I wouldn't have a picture of my baby as my avatar or post my REAL name in my siggy!

YOU emailed me tonight!  making some kind of a threat!  I did not, and will not respond to you.  You take EVERYTHING anyone says or does and make yourself a victim to it!  I tried to reach out to you months ago.  I have sincerely worried about you!  If anyone here goes back and reads your past posts, it's evident that you have been struggling heavily with depression.  I haven't made anything up (and why would I?) 

Yeah, you did not have a pic of your baby under your other name...EElady. and you stopped posting under that name once you slipped up and posted under this name. Of course, are you now going to suddenly switch back to EElady sign on name?
 

[Lisa1970]

You know..I am such a nicer person than you. I am sitting here reading your blog and thinking how I have your number, your full name, your blog, and I am being trashed on by you publically, when if you really just wanted to talk to me or help, you could have emailed me. Yet, I could never ever bring myself to treat someone the way you have been treating me. I don't care if you believe Dr C did what he did. I do care that you try to call me out as a liar. I love how on your blog you tell people to seek out support for a traumatic birth and that it is not your fault..yet..then you tell me how I got what I deserve because I could have gone in to the hospital anyway, after being told not to by the OB and being told I would be turned away.  I have nurses from the hospital as witnesses to what happened and have filed complaint with the state. While I don't have any faith in the state doing anything about it, the case is still open and still being investigated so I am hopeful. I am glad your birth went so perfect and as planned. But I was abandoned and treated horribly. And you are part of the problem in that you are one of the ican members who sent me nasty emails. I could never be like you. I could never be the sort of person who follows someone around to trash on them and make up extra user names to trash on them...or anything else like that. I would be the one to hug someone and be supportive when they are clearly having a hard time. Instead, you are the type who bullies and stalks and hides under fake names to do it too.

[neveraim]

Except...I don't have two names.  I don't know who EElady is.  I'm assuming she is a member of our ICAN group...since she said she was.   I have no reason to post under another name.  Why?  What would that do for any of us?  I saw her post and decided to chime in.  Why is that so unfathomable? 
 

[Cynthia Mosher]

Thread closed for review. 

[Cynthia Mosher]

Lisa1970, while I can appreciate that you have a grievance with the ICAN Yahoo Group of your area I do think it is inappropriate to post about it here at Mothering. Such posts invite a myriad of issues between people when they are personally involved or affiliated with a group you publicly name and negatively criticize.  

I think the initial posts from some members did try to address the shortcomings of the yahoo group and explain options and make suggestions. I can see how the specific post that checked your posting history to the ICAN group made you feel defensive. But your accusations were strong and you made inappropriate accusations. I think when you post something like this story you should expect some sort of strong response. In this case the response was very pointed but also stated very politely. We, as moderators and bystanding community members, have no way of knowing what the full story is and what is completely accurate and not leaving out details that would cast a different light on the issue. So we get stuck in the middle of it all. This is why, historically, we have not permitted members to post about other groups.

One of our members flagged this thread for that reason. I was saw the flag last night and started a discussion with the moderation team to decide how to handle it, considering our new moderation approach we took earlier this year. I should have closed the thread for review until we decided. I'm sorry things got out of hand but let's take this as a lesson. Report your issues to those who can do something about it - which would be your regional ICAN office. Hopefully they can investigate and take some direct and positive action.For us, we'll not permit such threads that publicly name a group. We have a Reviews section that can better host personal reviews of organizations and service providers, following the reviews guidelines of course.