Originally Posted by Beckily
I've got nothing, but I'm proud of you for writing this! I will certainly add to it later when I have my brain back. It's gone for the day, apparently. Didn't even know my address.
Those are good things! And even if staying home with the children and not working is exactly what you want, you still can't like it every minute of every day. She'll know that if she can have a family, too. A hot bath sounds sooooo good right now!
Thanks. I just had to start the thread. The things I listed are just the tip of the iceberg with my discontent lately. I've felt like a horrible mother who, even though I'm home, doesn't spend quality time with my kids. I feel like I might be headed toward depression, so I'm trying to intervene before it gets that far.
I think part of the problem is I am both an introvert and a homebody. Those things, combined with not having a car most days, don't aid me in getting out, meeting people and ditching cabin fever. It's only fall and I have cabin fever! I think the last time I left the house since apple picking several weeks ago was to go to a hair appointment. I know that I have to get out more. When I get like this, even small steps feel like giant obstacles. For example, I know that DH will watch the babes while I go out for a couple hours. BUT I have to pump milk for that to happen. I only have a manual pump and I need to sterilize the parts, nipples and bottles. I also need to PUMP MILK which, simple enough, feels like drudgery, and have DH try DS2 on a bottle of breast milk so that I know he'll take it if I'm not home. But these small things feel like HUGE mountains to climb.
Today I am committing myself to sterilizing the parts and bottles and locating the breast milk storage bags.
Originally Posted by cat13
I hear you about making friends, it's definitely hard. I remember making so many insta-friends in college, many who I am still in touch with today (although long distance), but it's harder now for some reason. I haven't really made many friends since I moved here 2 years ago. I'm really good at being friendly and have lots of aquantainces, but it's really hard for me to move from "hi, we should hang out sometime" to actually spending time together. All the mamas who I know from LLL are SAHMs and only want to hang out during the weekdays, so now that I'm back at work it's tough.
AFM, what I want more than anything right now is to be a SAHM, and I have no idea how to make it happen. DH and I have been together almost 9 years and kept waiting until the 'right time' to have a baby. Finally we were ready in all ways except financially and I figured that we might not every be, so let's just go with it. Right now I am the main earner, with DH adding to the finances with his scholarships, while he finishes school. He's going to finish his thesis in Feb/Mar and is applying for jobs, but so far it doesn't look good. I desperately want him to find a job that pays enough for me to stay home, at least part time. But at the same time, he says that we knew what we were getting into financially when we decided to TTC, so I shouldn't be against going back to work. While I can support DH emotionally in his job search, there's not much I can actually do to help, so I just have to wait and see what comes.
So, in the spirit of this thread, what I can do:
*Be more appreciative of the fact that DS gets an amazing bonding experience with his father since DH is the SAHP (instead of being jealous)
*Start cutting our spending and saving money
*Be open to moving anywhere that a job for DH might take us. I would LOVE to move back to the Pacific Northwest, but we must follow the work.
*Appreciate the days that I am home with DS even more than I do now.
((HUGS)) Motherhood is never easy. The decisions we make sometimes feel like double edged swords. I would honestly feel jealous, too, but I can say that if I couldn't be home with DS, I would want DH to be. I would STILL feel jealous, though. February/March isn't far away, though. It's hard when the near future is so unpredictable regarding what job your DH might get and where that job might take you. But I like your attitude about it.
As for cutting spending, we may need to do the same thing, and we don't even spend that much! I could definitely cut takeout (and maybe treat ourselves to a "nice" meal out once a month). I could also do the shopping, as I pay more attention to prices than DH does. Part of our problem is that DH is a smoker (something else that depresses me for many, many reasons) with no commitment to quit. Smoking is expensive. So are all of his breakfasts in the morning because, even though he gets up at 5, he NEVER has breakfast before leaving. He also doesn't pack lunches and snacks and either eats nothing or buys something. He mostly brings a lunch if I pack it for him.I can try to get him to operate from cash instead of sliding our debit card. Maybe. The problem is that we talk about these things and they may change for a week or 2, but he always reverts back to his old habits. It's very frustrating and, well, I'm fed up with it. Typing these things out here is helpful, though, because it helps me to organize my thoughts.
I am committing myself to discussing these things with DH this weekend.
Regarding your spending, have you identified the areas you'd like to cut and how you plan to do so?
Originally Posted by Chaika
This is a good idea for a thread. Poetrylover, I totally support you in your writing! I used to work out when DS napped, but now I write (and take him for walks in the Ergo/stroller instead for exercise). Recently my mom pointed out to me that writing *is* a form of work, even though I'm not bringing in income with it right now, because it's one of those things that you have to practice constantly if you want to be good enough at it to make money. So I try to think of my writing as a step on that path.
I really appreciate your response Chaika. I need to go on walks during the day. With both babes I have to take the double stroller. I wish I could wear one of them and push the umbrella stroller, but that one isn't very comfortable to push. I *really* need to do this, though. Maybe I should make it a goal to do it first thing after breakfast every weekday morning to get it out of the way for the day.
I totally agree with your thoughts on writing. Thanks for the reminder. It's hard when I've never been paid for my writing to consider it work and not a hobby. But I can see how helpful & beneficial changing that view will be. I need to write enough strong poems to get me into grad school. Even if I call what I do now practice and just get some drafts out, it will help me to gain forward momentum. I'd also like to dabble in freelance writing. I do hope to make money on my writing someday.
Edited by PoetryLover - 11/18/11 at 11:05am