trouble getting back to normal

[purplerose]

nak-she doesn't need to.

my daughter is 5.5 weeks old, i have 3 other kids and i am having trouble getting the hang of things. i can't do housework or cook or even take showers unless dh is here to take care of her. she will not sleep laying alone. i can't lay with her and get up, or lay her down once she's asleep. i feel like such a loser...this is my fourth baby!! she screams in the car and we've even bought a different seat for her. i have to sit where i can nurse her in her seat. i don't get out much bc of that. she won't take a pacifier so is nursing as a pacifier. at least one would help in the car! i was starting college fulltime and working parttime when #1 was this age...but i can't even manage to clean the house?? she doesn't like the snugli yet and i do not like the sling. she is just recently liking the vibrating bouncy seat but only for a cuple of minues unless she is being talked to and smiled at up close. very socialable and smiley but just not alone. help me not be a loser! does this sound normal or do i need to work harder?

[emmaegbert]

sounds more like you need some help, not that you need to work harder. I don't have any big advice for you but honestly 5.5 weeks is not exactly OLD, and plus you have 3 other kids. I know my house is pretty gross and I have only 2 olders plus a lot of help from my parents. I think whatever help you can get/afford, you should take (wash-and-fold laundry service? a housecleaner? diaper service? babysitter for the older kids? is this is the realm of possible for a couple of weeks?) or are any friends/family offering? Just tell them YES.

[MN BabyDust]

I can't imagine keeping up with anything with a baby PLUS other children. Don't be so hard on yourself! I'm not getting to my housework and I have just one 6 week old baby.

I'm sure you are more experienced than me being that this is your 4th child, but have you tried white noise and a tight swaddle to get her to sleep alone? I've discovered that it works wonders for my DD if I also rock her (or pace the floor)  before I lay her down. If I try to lay her down to early, she wakes up after a few minutes and I have to start over. I have to be patient and hold her sleeping for at least 15 minutes. I've think it takes that long for her to get into a deep sleep. I've also had good luck with a Baby Bjorn to keep her close so I can use two hands on some housework. She sleeps in it a lot.

And ditto on finding some help if you can. It's really what gets me by.

[lifeguard]

Dd likes to be held - a LOT but I do find the stretchy wrap helps. Although it is "hands free" I still feel kind of encumbered with it on but at least I can do a little more than just sit.

[lifeguard]

Oh & my house is a sty.

[theboysmama]

As you probably know by this point but each child is different, with different needs, different personalities, etc. These differences can be challenging because no matter how many kids you have you don't know what to expect. These are the things that I would recommend:

• Find a carrier that works (there are litterally hundreds out there) see if you can find someone (like me) that has a bunch that you can try or maybe there is a lending "library" in your area, etc. just try as many different ones as possible. I don't know what kind of sling you tried BUT there are pouch slings, ring slings with padding, ring slings without padding, stretchy ringslings, waterproof ring slings, etc. Then there are wraps, stretchy and non and other variety of carriers like the mei tei, Ergo, becco, etc.. I have had different kids like different ones slo would really recommend you branching out.  This is a necessity for a baby that needs to be close to you.
• I would recommend trying a cradle swing that swings side to side and front to back bcs you can vary it for their mood and personality. We have the fisher price nature cradle swing and it has been a hit around here (some have liked it more then others but they all tolerated it way better than the traditional front to back swing. This can give me a few moments of being untouched.
• I don't know how hold your older children are but get them involved!!! This is crucial. They can entertain the baby, etc. My little ones that aren't allowed to lift her drag her around the house on a big blanket. It keeps all of them occupied and I can get things done.
• your older children can do a lot more chores than most people give them credit for. Get them involved, even if it is just hte litte stuff. It will so pay off. (ftr my kids are 9 1/2, 7 1/2, almos 5, almos 3 and 1 month. even my 2 yr old is responsible for folding and putting away her own clothes, my 7 yr old wants to be a chef and can prepare a few meals mostly independantly, etc. These things help so much) utilizing your kids can really help.
• Have an older child sit next to her in the car and they can shake her seat and make faces, seems to work for us.
• I hate to say it but ds2 was a screamer he screamed bloody murder most of the time (and did so for 18 months!) He would even scream sometimes when I was wearing him. To keep from losing my mind I had to adapt. I would wear ear plugs in the car or when I was going insane and knew I had done everything to calm him. I find getting out of the house actually helps with not just hte behavior of the nb but me and the older kids as well.
• CHANGE YOUR EXPECTATIONS: your house doesn't need to be spotless (we could probably do a science experiment on our floors right now), only you know how bad you can handle things getting but put your family first and if your house is too bad, get out:) it will be good for everyone.
• Hang in there and know taht with each milestone your baby will change, your olders will adjust, etc

[~pi]

HUGS. I second the advice to try different carriers. Finding a carrier that worked saved my sanity with my first kid, who was the can't-put-him-down type. He wouldn't take a pacifier, either, but would take our fingers. (My thumb, DH's pinkie.) It's less convenient than a soother, but at least it can help quiet the kid. We typically had one of us in the backseat with our finger in the baby's mouth anytime we had to go anywhere -- the screaming was hard to take.

Hang in there. Mine like that turned into the most amazingly reasonable child. The kid has had maybe three tantrums, ever. We just had to get through babyhood.