Need advice

[krisnic]

My teenage son is adopted. He has only lived with us a year, and his adoption was confirmed 2 weeks ago.

Last year he said he wanted to be homeschooled this year. We were hesitant at first, but decided to do it. It's what he wanted. We also discovered that if he scored a certain way on the Compass test, he would be able to go to college classes as well. He was very excited about that, and very much wanted to do it.

He scored what he needed to on 2/3 of the tests, so he wasn't able to go to college classes in the fall. We are still trying to find out what his best method of learning is, and have tried many different techniques. We have found volunteer opportunities for him, he has been able to work some due to homeschooling, a lot has opened up for him.

He has said that he wants to go back to public school next semester. He misses being around kids every day. He won't be able to go back to the same school, it would have to be a different one due to school of choice. He doesn't know many people there, and the ones he does know are not good influences on him. He has always flocked to a bad crowd due to his past, and it's very hard to get him into a better group of people. That's one reason we enjoy homeschooling, he's not exposed to that. He does have friends that he sees and talks to, but for the most part they don't go to that school and they are much better friends to have. Make sense?

He also failed the 8th grade when we did not have him, and now that we are figuring out his method of learning he is excelling.

He has the opportunity to go to California for a video production workshop (his passion) and to job shadow for a production company next semester. He can also start college classes in the spring and do lifeguard training through that, which he has always wanted to do.

If he goes to public school he will miss out on all of that. He goes back and forth, some days it's a strict yes - he wants to go to school and other days he doesn't know.

My husband and I are leaning on having him finish the school year homeschooling, doing the production stuff, the college classes, etc. Then he will have that all under his belt come fall and he can further decide then. We also feel that this gives us more time to shape his mind as to what people to associate with (he was into some very bad behaviors just over a year ago when we got him and we don't want that to relapse).

I feel bad because we told him he has to at least do until January, but that was when we thought we were going to have him in college classes. Those could really push him in a positive direction, and we don't want him to "quit" without giving these things a chance, and just dismissing them. He comes from a bio family that doesn't have GED's or college educations, and we really want to push him in the right direction. He does want that, he has vocalized that, he just gets scared when he thinks about it. He also misses being around kids his age, which is understandable.

What would you do in this situation? It's a very unique one, since he's only been here a year and has a lot of things to consider.

[edwardsmom]

If that's what he needs to make homeschooling successful, can you get him more involved with kids his age?  Are there homeschool groups around you that have other teenagers, or afterschool groups?  Does your locality allow him to participate in extracurricular activities without attending school?  Does your YMCA offer classes, or your town or city?  Do you have a local homeschool co-op?

[moominmamma]

Is part-time school enrolment possible? Can he participate in an extra-curricular or two as a homeschooler?

It's very complex. The logic of the situation as I see it comes down heavily on the side of waiting until fall 2012 for school enrolment. On the other hand I think that over-ruling the wishes of a 15-year-old when it comes to his own education and his own lifestyle, especially a teen who likely has some baggage around attachment and fitting in socially, is something not to be taken lightly. If at all possible I would shoot for some sort of compromise that would get him to agree to stick the year out as a homeschooler. If not possible, I'd reluctantly give the choice over to him.

Miranda

[domesticidyll]

I have heard in our homeschool group that it seems to take schooled kids about a year to acclimate. That's without your particular complications, but there does seem to be a period of time for kids to find their groove as homeschoolers, and particularly to settle in socially. I also would be hesitant about rushing back into a school situation that wasn't working before without having established tools and skills to blossom there. I think it's reasonable for him to want the social scene, and even to expect that you work toward a plan for eventual brick and mortar schooling, but from what you write it sounds like finishing out the year homeschooling could be part of that plan. For what it's worth, I tend to trust my children more about what they are *not* ready for than about what they *are* ready for--if one of them is asking for more time to be ready to do something independently, I am usually willing to go along, whereas I feel much more confident trusting my judgement that something they want can wait. I guess the common theme in our house is that I like everyone to feel good about proceeding before we move forward. 

Heather