First of all, let me say that I just started reading your book. So maybe the answer to this question is in your book but I really need some ideas right now. I have a 5 and a 3 year old. My biggest problem is getting them to mind me. It's a constant battle to get them to clean up their rooms or messes. With the oldest, I've explained that if he doesn't pick up his own toys then mom will pick them up for him and that means they will get put away for a while. This seems to work with him, albeit with a lot of nagging and prompting on my part. The youngest one is a completely different story. He is a very willful child and is always coming up with an excuse. I will plead with him to clean up and he basically ignores me. I try not to use time out, but when I'm at the end of my rope I will have him go and sit down in a chair. It's either that or face a screaming mom. But even then, that doesn't seem to faze him. When I check on him on him a few minutes later, he's usually busily playing with his hands and talking to himself. If I ask him if he wants me to put his toys away he usually says "sure mom, I don't want that toy."
So, how do you deal with a child who can't be reasoned with, but not resort to punishments? In this household, I need everyone to help, so I can't just simply let him not do his part. Any ideas?