Ds's friend is hitting him--how to handle?

[es1967]

Well, Ds has had a good friend for several years.  This boy has been very sweet and well natured.  DS is 5 and Ds's friend is almost 6.  The problem is that when we get together the friend at times hits him.  Last night we were out to dinner and twice hit him with a plastic toy-once in the eye.  His eye and surrounding area is red.  Dh told me he cried and was really hurt.

I think the problem is his friend is into the superhero's and thinks that he can act this way in real like.  My DS is not yet into that.  He loves animals and nature.  At times when they get rowdy and wrestle which I know boys do.  How do we stop the behaviour.  My DH tells my son to fight back when he hit b/c he does not want him to picked on.  I tell him we do not hit but I agree w DH that at times he may need to.  So how do we deal w the aggressive friend.  I know the mother of my friend gets very angry at her DS for his behaviour but he does not seem to listen.

We want to spend time with them but not sure how to stop this.  My DH is mad about the behaviour and wants it to stop. 

[Mylie]

It is so hard when our kids are passive and we dont want them to become hitters themselves..My little 4 year old is the same way..She will come home from school telling me that so and so hits her.Since I don't ever want her to think she has the right to hit anyone else and it become a habit I tell her that ...(think drama in voice) Oh no!!! That is not nice at all and he is never allowed to hit you..You tell him your mama said WE don't hit and he isn't allowed to hit you ever!!! Don't know why but it seems to work..When she tells her preschool teacher they put them in time out but it always happens again..But when she points at them and says in a loud firm voice..NO MY Mama said ...ect ect...They stop..I think the word mama is kind of intimidating to young children when they know what they have done is wrong..LOL

But since it is happening in front of you I would take the lead..You can do it with compassion and without "ticking"(in other words) the other mom off..When we are out with a friend and they hit L I say in same drama voice..Oh we don't hit..Please don't hit L..If you are nice to her she will be nice to you..But hitting is not allowed ever...And I make sure if L is invading someone's space I say the same words to her..Please don't invade his space..You be nice to him and he will be nice to you..But L is not a hitter so I have no problem saying if it continutes you have to play right here in front of me because you forget and hit her and that hurts and I can't allow that..

I would probably say in your case to the little fella lets find something else to play other than superheros because everyone gets out of control and someone winds up getting hurt...

Good luck..I know it is a touchy subject..My older special needs son was the hitter when he was little so I can have compassion for this other parent but in the same breath my little L is so not a hitter and I certainly don't want anyone ever hitting her...So I can kind of feel both parents anxiety...

[mom2grrls]

From your post I think it's not aggressive hitting then right?  Just something that happens accidentally or in play?  In our house I do not let any kids wrestle together, just for the simple fact that esp. at ages 5 and 6 they may not know when it's gone to far.  If someone is hitting with a toy I take it away and direct them to another activity to do together.  If you want the kids to get together perhaps you and the other mom or your DH need to stay close by and maybe encourage outside play if the other boy has a lot of energy.

[es1967]

Ds is not really passive -not an angel either.    But my friends son was always the perfect little quiet boy and out pops this action figure!  The other boy is very tiny and thin and my son is a little chunky.   Its seems when us moms have the kids we keep them pretty much under control but when the dads get together w the boys they often seem worse.  I think next time I am going to say something to the little boy and see what happens.  He is in kindergarten this yr and  DS is still in preschool.  Maybe he is learning more from school.  I'm wondering if we should give them a break from each other and see if that helps.