kids get invited to religious club I don't want them to attend! - Page 2

[richella]

Very interesting, thanks all for your input. fwiw I like the kid who made the invitation, think her mom is great, and I'm pretty sure her mom is okay with me. We actually have a lot in common. The thing about the church, MIL is the preacher. We've actually visited a UU church once, and if we lived in a place with more choices, I would probably investigate them. But the kids love the ritual, they love the people, they see both gparents there participating, and they want to as well. I wouldn't take that away from them. for myself, sometimes I find I am more spiritually fulfilled by staying home and writing or meditating. Have talked about that with the preacher/MIL and she is fine with it. Not worried about what other people think, that's their business, not mine.

Awana is not affiliated with this congregation, and takes place at another church which I have never attended. It's a multi-denominational group. I don't hold it against the kid who invited my kids, she enjoys the club and wants to share that with them. Just wasn't sure exactly what I wanted to say about that to her, how much, how to be graceful about it. She's 11, I wonder if it's too early to start talking about inerrancy with her . . . (jk)

Interestingly, there have been times when I have spoken in private with some individuals in the congregation about some of my questions about Christianity, and they have all said it's perfectly all right to come to services and ignore anything I don't like. They just want me to come. Which I think is kinda funny. (ha ha funny)

Thanks again everybody for this dialog!

[CherryBombMama]

i can totally understand your point of view. my dh is catholic, as are his parents, and we all go to the same church. im atheist, but whenever i can go to mass, i do. to support my dh, his family, let my kids hear the music. the spanish mass is awesome, super lively and time goes by so quick. i dont go up to take the host but i encourage my dh to go up and take our boys, and when they are older, i will be teaching them that this is just one view of many and they are free to choose. my in laws think i am "lazy" catholic, but i would rather not stir that pot. if everyone around you is one way, its intimidating to yell out to the world that youre the opposite. 

im at peace with myself and the choices i make. it sounds like you are too. and i agree, 7 and 4 is too young to leave by themselves in a place where others might (unintentionally or intentionally) sway them from beliefs that you dont share. 
 

Originally Posted by richella 

Very interesting, thanks all for your input. fwiw I like the kid who made the invitation, think her mom is great, and I'm pretty sure her mom is okay with me. We actually have a lot in common. The thing about the church, MIL is the preacher. We've actually visited a UU church once, and if we lived in a place with more choices, I would probably investigate them. But the kids love the ritual, they love the people, they see both gparents there participating, and they want to as well. I wouldn't take that away from them. for myself, sometimes I find I am more spiritually fulfilled by staying home and writing or meditating. Have talked about that with the preacher/MIL and she is fine with it. Not worried about what other people think, that's their business, not mine.

Awana is not affiliated with this congregation, and takes place at another church which I have never attended. It's a multi-denominational group. I don't hold it against the kid who invited my kids, she enjoys the club and wants to share that with them. Just wasn't sure exactly what I wanted to say about that to her, how much, how to be graceful about it. She's 11, I wonder if it's too early to start talking about inerrancy with her . . . (jk)

Interestingly, there have been times when I have spoken in private with some individuals in the congregation about some of my questions about Christianity, and they have all said it's perfectly all right to come to services and ignore anything I don't like. They just want me to come. Which I think is kinda funny. (ha ha funny)

Thanks again everybody for this dialog!

[tbone_kneegrabber]

Originally Posted by serenbat 

the messages you are sending is the problem! 

you could be coming across as a hypocrite in the eyes of the other mother, sending your children yet holding the views you do could be viewed as highly insulting in the community you are in--IMO if you feel the way you do, don't send the kids to church where they are subjected to this and not expected others to question (or be highly bothered by this)-how is this other mother to know and explain it to her child?

think of the message this is sending to the other child-they attend the same church but can't go to the program-what is this child to think?

Huh?  Her MIL the kids' grandmother is the preacher of the church they attend.  It would make sense for them to go to that church to see gma even if the OP was Jewish or Muslim or atheist or anything.  

I'll explain it to the other kid, "hey kid, gma is the preacher so we come to church.  However, we ain't interest in Awana.  Let's get together for pizza and playtime sometime okay?"

Now the other child thinks, "wow sometimes I see people at my church but lo and behold we are not all the SAME!  There is diversity even in places we choose to spend time!"
 

[CatsCradle]

Originally Posted by serenbat 

generally one does not attend something they do not agree with, be it boy scouts or a church

if you don't agree with the doctrine maybe it's not a place you should go or have your children attend - IMO

this would be an issue if the conversation took place at synagogue and you were being asked to attend a Awana meeting but it happened in a church-I don't get it?

Because not all things are created equal?  There are many people who identify with a particular faith but there is much diversity in practice and belief.  A lot of people identify as Jewish but many if not most don't go about dressing in 19th century clothing or covering their heads.  Doesn't change the fact that they engage in certain observances associated with that faith.  I don't see the OP claiming that the doctrine of the church and this outside group are the same.  Am I missing something?  
 

[crunchy_mommy]

Originally Posted by CatsCradle 

Because not all things are created equal?  There are many people who identify with a particular faith but there is much diversity in practice and belief.  A lot of people identify as Jewish but many if not most don't go about dressing in 19th century clothing or covering their heads.  Doesn't change the fact that they engage in certain observances associated with that faith.  

I agree... I am Catholic and there is a ton of diversity just within my church, some parishioners are very strict and others are very lax and don't believe all of the Church's teachings. My family is on the strict side. But we also attend a few carefully-selected Buddhist gatherings. I would be very very uncomfortable with DS going to any kind of Buddhist program/club/whatever without me there with him because I am not Buddhist & don't agree with all of Buddhism (some of it is directly contrary to Catholicism) & want to keep tabs on what DS is exposed to at such a young age. We continue going occasionally because I do feel my family benefits from attending, even though we are Catholic & identify as such and want to raise our children in that faith. I think many many families occasionally or even regularly attend different churches/temples/etc. for various reasons, but might not be comfortable with their children being totally immersed in certain faiths.

[sharon71]

I am much like you however when my older girls were about 8 and 6 they started going to Awanas and really enjoyed it. They went for about 1.5 yrs. When it comes to religious issues I let my girls make their own choices I try not to force my beliefs on them and if they ask me to take them to a certain church or ask to learn about a religion we all try to learn about it together.

Maybe let them go to a couple meetings with you in tow and see how they like it and go from there.

[Lisa1970]

Then you respectfully decline telling them it is not your religion. It is ok to be of a different religion and make sure your children know this. I teach my children to be very accepting of other's religions. Maybe you could also google about religions and teach the kids about various belief systems around the world and how others celebrate. That can be fun.

[captain optimism]

At first I thought this was a really off-the-wall analogy--all Jews wearing 19th century clothing?--but it's actually a pretty good comparison.

Some Hasidim, members of the Jewish sect that sometimes wear distinctive/old fashioned clothing, do try to involve other Jews in their way of being Jewish. The Lubavitcher Hasidim have an organization called Chabad that provides some really great programming. I don't like what they believe--it doesn't fit with my idea of being Jewish.

I could definitely see myself in the OP's shoes, having to tell some sweet, adorable kid that I don't want my child to go to what's probably a lovely activity, because I'm worried about some of the theological content that would only seem obscure and irrelevant to an 11-year-old. 

So you know, good explaining for my cultural context, even though I understood that there were different flavors of Christianity out there in the world. 

Originally Posted by CatsCradle 

Because not all things are created equal?  There are many people who identify with a particular faith but there is much diversity in practice and belief.  A lot of people identify as Jewish but many if not most don't go about dressing in 19th century clothing or covering their heads.  Doesn't change the fact that they engage in certain observances associated with that faith.  I don't see the OP claiming that the doctrine of the church and this outside group are the same.  Am I missing something?  
 

[csekywithlove]

I would politely decline and say that you aren't interested in Awana. 

But be aware that this will most likely not be the last invitation you will have to refuse. You need to figure out how much involvement in church that you want your children to have. If MIL is a liberal preacher and you have a good relationship with her, you might want to talk with her about it. 

Things like this aren't easy. Good luck.