How do you find your people?

[babymagoo]

Hi everybody, I'm new here, and new to parenthood.  I have a four month old daughter who is the joy in my days :)  I'm having a hard time finding parents I fit in with though.  I feel like I'm always defending myself.  "No, she's not spoiled, you can't spoil an infant."  "Why, yes, I DO love cloth diapers, don't wish me 'luck with that'".  "Yes, she does sleep in my bed, she'll be adjusted just fine when she's ready to sleep in her own bed."  "no, I don't need to let her cry.  She already told me what she needs, why do I need to make her scream for it?"  "yes, I will be able to carry her in the sling, as long as we both want.  She's not a giant."

My husband says he supports all these things, and mostly he does, and he's a great dad, but I even find myself getting defensive with him when he starts to question all this 'advice', and whether we should try it.  He seems to be in more of a hurry to get her into her own bed than I am, but I'm the one that gets up with her at night (and she always starts the night in her crib, next to our bed, until she wakes up). And our pediatrician told us its "ideal" for her to be in her own room by six months. :-O.  Ideal for whom?

I am 30 years old, and we tried for this baby for 2 years, and I'm prone to Googling.  Why people still think I have no clue is beyond me. 

I guess my question is, How do I find people that parent like I do around me?  And how do you respond to all this nonsense?  I'm starting to feel really alone, like its me and her against the world, but I really don't want to leave my husband out.  I want to allow her to do things at her own pace.  She's not a textbook example, she's herself.  I hate the 'shoulds'.  She isn't going to go off to college with my boob in her mouth, and my pillow in her hand.  Will it always feel like I have to block that for her so she can develop on her own?

Thanks for listening, and helping!

Tracy

[wehrli]

first of all, WELCOME! you will find lots of wonerful support here on MDC! secondly, I totally get you and where you are coming from... I often feel lonely, even with this great online community. my best luck in meeting local, like-minded mamas has been LLL meetings! good luck!

[lifeguard]

I found a good community irl by going to our local drop in play centre. It did take some time - a few false starts but I found several women (& I live in a small town) who parent very similarly to us. I also found my la leche group was great for finding like-minded women.

[Petite Mama]

I second the LLL suggestion. You could also do a search on meetup.com

[babymagoo]

Thank you all for the replies.  I had been debating about going to a LLL meeting, and it seems like that will be my best bet.  I'll probably wait until after the holidays, but I'm looking forward to it now :)  Thanks again! 

[vtechmom]

LLL is a great start.  I've also found moms through the Holistic Moms Network ( check for a chapter in your area), meetup.com (look for meetups with your interests), Mommy and Me Yoga classes, and you can also check for an Attachment Parenting International chapter in your area.  Homebirth midwives in your area may also have leads for you since obviously they know a lot of new parents :) !

I've been going through the same thing.  I have mom friends who have kids the same ages as my older ones but I'm having to meet people all over again with a new little one.  The above places are definitely what has worked for me after some trial and error.

[GoMamaMel]

i also agree with LLL and meetup.com. Thats where i found like minded moms. i still haven't found "good friends" but having other moms to hang out with is a great start!

[GoMamaMel]

i also agree with LLL and meetup.com. Thats where i found like minded moms. i still haven't found "good friends" but having other moms to hang out with is a great start!

[Adaline'sMama]

There is a section here called Finding Your Tribe that will often have other moms from your area and you can arrange for a playdate or a meetup. About an hour away from where I live, there is an AP parenting store that sells nursing supplies, cloth diapers, and sustainable toys. The owner hosts playgroups and natural childbirth classes and its a great resource to meet like minded people. You may just look to your nearby city for a place that sells cloth diapers and see what else they might offer.