Moving the baby to his own room (for those who have done it/will do it)

[MrsSlocombe]

Co-sleeping seems very popular on this board, but I know there must be a few who keep the baby in a bassinet or crib, as well.  I will be one of those people.  As I mentioned in another thread, I have just now learned that it is not recommended to move the baby into his or her own room until s/he is six months.  I actually have worked as a nanny for multiple older babies and toddlers, and it doesn't seem that their parents followed this recommendation.  At least, in the case where I came when the baby was five and a half months, I know they didn't.  Still, I want to keep mortality risks as low as possible, so I'm willing to do the six months thing.

My question is, doesn't the baby get so used to sleeping in the parents' room that s/he rebels strongly against being moved?  Babies seem to be developing habits and opinions by this age (and possibly before - again, I have no newborn experience), and my general feeling is that they would not take such a change well.

If you moved your baby to his or her own room at age six months, how did it go?

[nia82]

My DS moved at 13 months. He didn't have any issues with it, he is securely attached and knows I wouldn't put him somewhere where it isn't safe, so to speak. We always had the crib in our room, he slept in there the first stretches and then came to sleep with me. We are doing the same with DD now. eventually we started to sleep in the guest bedroom in order to not wake him up when we went to bed, which was a sign for us to move him. I don't want to move a baby younger than 12 months though, I'm not comfortable with that.

[Megan73]

Same here. DS1 slept in a crib at the foot of our bed and moved into his own room at 12 months. I don't recall it being a problem but I continued to nurse him to sleep and he was mostly STTN by then.
DS2 (10 months) spends the first part of the night in a crib - again at the foot of our bed - but I have no plans to move him out of our room anytime soon. He wakes up and wants to nurse in the middle of the night and it would be a pain to have to go and get him. It's just so much easier for DH to grab him from the crib and settle him between us to nurse. I often don't even wake up!

[blessedwithboys]

I was not comfortable with either of my babies sleeping in a different room until somewhere around 9-10 months of age.  And that was just for naps.  I'd lay them on a blanket on the LR floor and go take a bath or fold laundry in my bedroom.  They both nursed through the night until 24 months.  I couldn't imagine getting up and walking back and forth through the house every few hours for TWO YEARS.  haha

Why don't you want to co-cleep?  I never thought I would, either.  Thanks goodness for ds1 teaching me how to do it!  :)

[Blanca78]

I'm interested in knowing others' experiences, too. DD has slept in a crib in our room since birth. She's now 7 months, and we are planning to move her in a few days. The main reason is now that she's older and more aware of our presence, us going to bed, getting dressed, etc. seems to be disturbing her more--waking her up prematurely (she goes to bed around 8 or 8:30). We'll see how it goes and move her back if it seems tough on her. Her new room is just a couple feet across the hall from ours, though, so hopefully the transition won't be tough.

[akind1]

The progression for DS was this:

newborn -5 months - first part of the night in the arm's reach co-sleeper, transition to our bed for nursing at first wake up. generally he just stayed in bed after that feeding.

5-10 months in his crib, in his room until I went to bed

10-15 months - in crib in his room until first wake up.

at 15 months, he nightweaned and started STTN, so slept all night in his crib. at some point he started waking up between 4-5 a.m. and he would sleep with us the last few hours.

DD was born when he was 22 months old and as soon as we brought her home, he started STTN on his own again, of his own accord.

FWIW, DD has bed shared with us from day one. I'd like to have her transition similiar to DS, but that may be tricky since they share a room.

[lifeguard]

I think the process is going to be different for every child 'cause they all have such different sleep. Ds at 6 months was still waking every 2-3 hours & I am one lazy mama in the middle of the night so there was no way I dragging myself across the house multiple times a night. But I know of babies who were sleeping through the night at 6 months so it wouldn't have been the same issue. As for being close - once ds was asleep he never seemed to care if I was in the room or not - when he was awake however...

[MrsSlocombe]

I appreciate everyone's replies!  It has been enlightening, and I am in the process of adjusting my expectations.

My mother was here for Thanksgiving, and she told me that I slept through the night at three months, and that my sister slept through the night even earlier.  We slept in our own rooms from the beginning.  We were both formula-fed, and, naturally, my mother always fed us when we were hungry, not letting us cry in vain for milk - nor at all, for anything.  This seems in keeping with the pattern of other families I've known.  One family I've worked for as a nanny had their children sleeping through the night at around three months (for each child, and there have been three), and it now occurs to me that that is the age at which they introduced some formula, though not to the exclusion of all breast milk.  Since I am convinced that formula is nutritionally inferior (not to mention more costly), I wonder if I just have to accept that I'm in for more sleepless nights.  I do have one friend who achieved better-than-average sleep for her exclusively breastfed daughter, though not quite as good as my Mom did with my sister and me, or the family I mentioned with their three children.  I'll have to find out exactly what she did, and report back.  I think it was just basic stuff like keeping the baby awake more during the day, and moving her to her own room earlier than planned.  (She said that when they co-slept, she was more likely to rouse when her daughter made small sounds, which in turn, roused the daughter when she had simply been in a light period of sleep and would have gone right back.)

[Blanca78]

I don't know if it's necessarily so cut and dried. My mom was here for Thanksgiving and brought my baby book, which revealed that I--who was exclusively breastfed and never let to cry either (my mom was big into AP)--slept through the night at SIX WEEKS. WHAT? Apparently I did 11-12 hour stretches by four months. My own DD has never approached that--just week before last she started doing the occasional 10-hour stretch, but some nights she's still up every 3-4 hours or so. She is exclusively breastfed at 7 months (she hasn't shown enough interest in solids yet for them to take up a significant part of her diet). There is a lot of evidence that babies who sleep separately (not sure if this is just in cribs, or also counting babies in co-sleepers) wake less often for the reasons you say.

Originally Posted by MrsSlocombe 

I appreciate everyone's replies!  It has been enlightening, and I am in the process of adjusting my expectations.

My mother was here for Thanksgiving, and she told me that I slept through the night at three months, and that my sister slept through the night even earlier.  We slept in our own rooms from the beginning.  We were both formula-fed, and, naturally, my mother always fed us when we were hungry, not letting us cry in vain for milk - nor at all, for anything.  This seems in keeping with the pattern of other families I've known.  One family I've worked for as a nanny had their children sleeping through the night at around three months (for each child, and there have been three), and it now occurs to me that that is the age at which they introduced some formula, though not to the exclusion of all breast milk.  Since I am convinced that formula is nutritionally inferior (not to mention more costly), I wonder if I just have to accept that I'm in for more sleepless nights.  I do have one friend who achieved better-than-average sleep for her exclusively breastfed daughter, though not quite as good as my Mom did with my sister and me, or the family I mentioned with their three children.  I'll have to find out exactly what she did, and report back.  I think it was just basic stuff like keeping the baby awake more during the day, and moving her to her own room earlier than planned.  (She said that when they co-slept, she was more likely to rouse when her daughter made small sounds, which in turn, roused the daughter when she had simply been in a light period of sleep and would have gone right back.)

[Megan73]

There's actually research showing that moms who breastfeed and co-sleep get MORE sleep: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/17700096
I just don't get the push for tiny infants to sleep alone for long periods - it's good for them and mom's supply (which a formula feeder doesn't have to worry about) to feed often. If baby is nearby, feeding often is no problem. Nor is it a good idea to try to keep a baby up during the day in hopes they'll sleep longer at night. For at least the first four months, most babies can't stay up for more than an hour or two without needing a nap and it's totally normal for a newborn to have only one longer stretch of sleep. You can wear them in a wrap while they sleep or have a nap with them.

[rinap]

Originally Posted by Megan73 

If baby is nearby, feeding often is no problem.

It depends on the mother and the baby. I can't sleep through feedings, so, while it's much less bother than it would be to leave the room, it definitely has its costs in terms of my ability to mother during the daytime.

[MrsSlocombe]

Originally Posted by rinap 

It depends on the mother and the baby. I can't sleep through feedings, so, while it's much less bother than it would be to leave the room, it definitely has its costs in terms of my ability to mother during the daytime.

That's just what I'm worried about.  I have heard things like, "sleep when the baby sleeps," which should mean that Mom's total hours end up plenty high, but it takes me FOREVER to get back to sleep when I've been woken up, even just by being thirsty or having to go to the bathroom.  Case in point, I'm awake right now.  I woke up thirsty, had a sip of the water I keep by my bed, and decided I needed soup, too.  I'm in the kitchen as I type.  I can't imagine having to wake up every couple of hours, and probably just stay up after the first wake because no period would be long enough for me to actually get back to sleep.

[MrsSlocombe]

Originally Posted by Megan73 

There's actually research showing that moms who breastfeed and co-sleep get MORE sleep: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/17700096
I just don't get the push for tiny infants to sleep alone for long periods - it's good for them and mom's supply (which a formula feeder doesn't have to worry about) to feed often. If baby is nearby, feeding often is no problem. Nor is it a good idea to try to keep a baby up during the day in hopes they'll sleep longer at night. For at least the first four months, most babies can't stay up for more than an hour or two without needing a nap and it's totally normal for a newborn to have only one longer stretch of sleep. You can wear them in a wrap while they sleep or have a nap with them.

Thanks, I read the summary.  That's really surprising, in that even my pro-breastfeeding friend (the one who achieved decent stretches of sleep, though not like the formula babies) thinks that her neighbor's formula-fed baby sleeps better for that reason.  It's not enough for her to quit, but she sees it as a small downside.  Interesting to see that the small sample size of families I know isn't indicative of greater trends.

Oh, one longer stretch of sleep would be fine, as long as it's at night.  It's not as if I'm going to give him/her sedatives or otherwise force it, but if there are sleeping arrangements/schedules/other techniques that will allow me to sleep at night without harming the baby, I see that as win-win.

[MrsSlocombe]

Originally Posted by Blanca78 

I don't know if it's necessarily so cut and dried. My mom was here for Thanksgiving and brought my baby book, which revealed that I--who was exclusively breastfed and never let to cry either (my mom was big into AP)--slept through the night at SIX WEEKS. WHAT? Apparently I did 11-12 hour stretches by four months. My own DD has never approached that--just week before last she started doing the occasional 10-hour stretch, but some nights she's still up every 3-4 hours or so. She is exclusively breastfed at 7 months (she hasn't shown enough interest in solids yet for them to take up a significant part of her diet). There is a lot of evidence that babies who sleep separately (not sure if this is just in cribs, or also counting babies in co-sleepers) wake less often for the reasons you say.

Six weeks would be phenomenal.  Thanks for giving me hope as a breast-feeder.  I hope my baby is like you!

My friend who I said co-slept, did use a co-sleeper.  She doesn't regret using it for the newborn phase, but after a couple of months, there were more negatives than positives for her, so that's why she started using the crib in the nursery.

[Blanca78]

This is the case for me, too, Rinap. I WISH I could peacefully let my baby nurse and not wake fully but I have never been able to relax enough to sleep with her in the bed. I need to be able to toss and turn and spread out. I've napped in bed with her sometimes and I can never fall fully asleep. Nor have we been able to get the hang of breastfeeding lying down--I have larger breasts and now that she's older, it's a little easier, but I still have to help her keep the nipple in her mouth, and she tends to get frustrated.

I don't think any of these things are cut and dried. People should be open-minded to bedsharing or co-sleeping, of course, but also understand that not every solution works for everybody, and those of us who choose not to bedshare are not necessarily poor misguided souls brainwashed by sleep-training culture. Before my baby was born I had planned on, if not bedsharing outright, having her in a co-sleeper, but I quickly realized I got much better quality sleep when I had my own space (we did have her in a Snuggle Nest for three weeks when she was a newborn).

Also, sorry if I sound grouchy. I'm very tired today. I think Megan73 makes some great points. We do have unrealistic expectations for baby sleep. When she was really little, wearing her was a lifesaver because she would fall asleep and then I could prop myself up on some pillows and doze.

Originally Posted by rinap 

It depends on the mother and the baby. I can't sleep through feedings, so, while it's much less bother than it would be to leave the room, it definitely has its costs in terms of my ability to mother during the daytime.

[Blanca78]

You sound a lot like me. I despise that my overactive mind gets in the way of sleeping. I do find that breastfeeding makes me sleepy--a true blessing--and it has gotten easier to fall back asleep as she's gotten older. But I'm still dogged by nasty insomnia--last night I was awake through her first wakeup at 2 a.m. and then it STILL took me an hour to fall fully asleep after that! It used to really upset me when people said "Sleep when the baby sleeps" as if it were that easy. Especially when she was younger she would often wake up from a nap just as I was managing to drift off to sleep.

Originally Posted by MrsSlocombe 

That's just what I'm worried about.  I have heard things like, "sleep when the baby sleeps," which should mean that Mom's total hours end up plenty high, but it takes me FOREVER to get back to sleep when I've been woken up, even just by being thirsty or having to go to the bathroom.  Case in point, I'm awake right now.  I woke up thirsty, had a sip of the water I keep by my bed, and decided I needed soup, too.  I'm in the kitchen as I type.  I can't imagine having to wake up every couple of hours, and probably just stay up after the first wake because no period would be long enough for me to actually get back to sleep.

[KateDavies45]

Originally Posted by MrsSlocombe 

My question is, doesn't the baby get so used to sleeping in the parents' room that s/he rebels strongly against being moved?  Babies seem to be developing habits and opinions by this age (and possibly before - again, I have no newborn experience), and my general feeling is that they would not take such a change well.

If you moved your baby to his or her own room at age six months, how did it go?

Well, DD (now 10mo and happily sleeping in her own crib in her own room was about 5 1/2 mo when we made the change. It was a gradual working up to it tho. She started out sleeping in our bed which was fine with us. She was a very good sleeper (she started out with a 6 hr stretch as a newborn and pretty much kept that patern, waking up every 2-3 hrs after that six hour bit to eat. I was content to stay this way until DD was old enough to tell us she wanted her own bed. It was nice we were happy, etc....then DD hit about 4 1/2 mo....she went through the 4mo sleep regression and became very, VERY active in her sleep. She would roll, thrash, bounce, grunt, groan, kick, claw, squeak, and flail. and that was all while she was sleeping between DH and I in a queen sized bed. Needless to say we became less and less happy. Even on the nights when she didn't wake up her CONSTANT thrashing kept us from falling asleep at all. SO. we decided to use a bassinet in our room. We put her in it the first night just before she turned 5mo. and she was much better, less thrashing more quiet sleeping etc. this was not about her not sleeping, so much as it was about her sleeping habbits keeping us awake when she was in bed with us, but was still very noisy and active.

At 5mo we noticed that she was actually crawling/squirming into the walls of the bassinet when she was sleeping and getting frustrated and waking herself up because of it. We considered buying a crib, but there wasn't room in our bedroom for a full sized crib so we were at a loss. but a week later she managed to pull herself up and out of the bassinet (thankfully there was a laundry basket full of blankets waiting to be put away right next to it which cushioned her fall...silly girl didn't even cry she was so thrilled with what she'd done, lol) so we decided to take the plunge and bought a crib and video monitor and set her up with her own room.

You asked if the baby gets used to sleeping in her parents room and wouldn't want to move, I wondered the same thing. So I took a pink glass lamp that DH had given me that we'd been using as a nightlight in the bedroom and moved it with her to her new room. When it was in our room it was only on at bedtime and at night so I hoped she'd recognize the "sleeping light" and feel more at ease about going to sleep.

The first night in her new crib, I nursed DD until she fell asleep and set her down in it. She squrimed around (still asleep) and to her surprize didn't hit anything. She gave an audible sigh and layed still and actually slept for the first time in weeks. She still has that pink sleeping lamp in her room which is turned on for naps and bedtime and doesn't seem to be suffering any lack of bonding or sleep from not being next to us. If anything I was more upset about her sleeping better away from me than next to me, but I think part of it was that she needed more space to move around in her sleep and we just couldn't givve her that in a queen sized bed. I still nap with her in our bed during the day (when we have the bed to ourselves and thusly more room) at times, and she comes into our bed at about 6:30 in the morning for an hour or so while we all wake up (by we, I mean DH and I, not DD who is already awake, babbling and crawling all over us, as if to say it's moring, mommy/daddy so GET UP!)

 I guess my suggestion would be to make it a gradual change, not to change anything else about the way you put LO to sleep while they're adjusting to the new sleeping situation, and to make it as much like what they had before as possible.
 

[~Adorkable~]

i have twins that are 11 months now, they started off in a arms reach cosleeper, then started falling asleep in compact swings set at the foot of the bed and would get moved to their cosleeper when we went to bed a few hours later. when they finally got able of pulling themselves up we replaced the cosleeper with a side carred crib we have just in the last few weeks put the inner side back on it because they are crawling.

in all cases they often ended up in bed with us be the middle of the night specially my boy, he is a snuggler big time. as you can maybe imagine sleeping with two infants is very hard.

we are now working on moving them to their own room, slowly. we put one crib up in the nursery and started napping one there in the morning and the other there in the afternoon to get them used to the space. we now are focusing on our girl since she seemed more independent and have been starting her night out in the nursery around 8pm, i got in there to feed 2 times, once around 12-1 when we go to bed and once around 3:30, then she tend to wake around 6-7 and i go get her and bring her to bed with us, we then sleep till 8:30-9:30 on a good day.

she was a bit needy at first, she wanted me to sit in her room with her till she was super deep asleep, but very quickly, less than 2 weeks, she now is happy to let me nurse her, lay her down in the crib, rub her back for a minute and walk right out even if she is still slightly awake. i am very happy with how smooth and reasonably calm the transition has been. not without its hard days, but mostly ok and within what i felt was ok for her little world.

now i have him to move and I'm stuck, not sure how i am going to do that with her already settled into her pattern in the room, start thinking about that this week, we hope to have both moved t other own room for the start of the night by the time they turn 1 in a month, fingers crossed

[rainface]

My little one is almost 6 weeks and she will sleep six hours at a stretch if I make sure she has an awake time from 8 pm to 10 pm (otherwise she will doze through the evening and wake up ready to party at midnight). She sleeps with us right now so I'm pretty sure she's getting all she needs. I tried the bassinet by the bed but I'd rather have her next to me while she's so tiny. I was so nervous about the bedtime transition before she was born, but now I'm just rolling with whatever gets us the most sleep. Reading Dr. Sears helped me feel calmer and trust myself more. 

[KateDavies45]

Originally Posted by rainface 

My little one is almost 6 weeks and she will sleep six hours at a stretch if I make sure she has an awake time from 8 pm to 10 pm (otherwise she will doze through the evening and wake up ready to party at midnight). She sleeps with us right now so I'm pretty sure she's getting all she needs. I tried the bassinet by the bed but I'd rather have her next to me while she's so tiny. I was so nervous about the bedtime transition before she was born, but now I'm just rolling with whatever gets us the most sleep. Reading Dr. Sears helped me feel calmer and trust myself more.