What does CLW look like?

[Spring Lily]

I weaned my first at a year and a half, which was earlier than planned. I started cutting back and offering her a cup of soy milk or water instead and she went along with it fine and was the one who decided when the last time was. My twins are now 3 yrs old and a few months, and still nursing at night before bed. It would be a lot more if they had anything to say about it! But I have my limits and this is what I'm comfortable with right now.

I thought that at a certain point they would stop on their own, but they don't seem any less interested now than they've ever been. In fact, as he gets older DS seems like he's getting even more attached. He's always tried to put his hand in my shirt but lately he's been trying to fondle me and put his head inside my shirt.. Like a half dozen or more times a day I'm having to tell him to stop trying to pinch my nipples or get his head or hands out of my shirt. Yesterday I was trying to buckle him in his carseat and he wouldn't get his hands in because he was trying to rub my breasts, saying "mmm, milky!" It's so invasive, and against what I'm trying to teach them about body privacy and personal space. I'm putting boundaries up, but I don't know how normal this because I don't know any nursing preschoolers.

DH is getting uncomfortable with it and has recently mentioned maybe it's time to wean. He has been supportive but now is starting to waver. It also really bothers him that when he tries to put the twins to sleep they (especially DD) will try to physically push him out of the room, saying "Go away Daddy! We want Mommy milky!" It would be nice for him to get that special cuddle-to-sleep time that I get with them and for me to get that time with my older child. But they aren't even ready for a night off, apparently.

I'm starting to wonder if they'll ever wean on their own? I thought I was going to do mostly CLW but also somehow I thought they'd want to stop around now. Is any of this I'm experienceing common? How did your kids stop nursing and how old were they?

[cyclamen]

How old are they?  I'm curious too.  My DD is 2.5 and I never planned to CLW as I understand it.... I've been ambivalently trying to wean her slowly since she turned 2 and not only is she not having it, she has ratcheted up the attachment to my boobs to the point that she nurses more than she did as a newborn.  Yargh!  She also wants to crawl in my shirt all the time, fondle my nipples, and knead my boobs.  Which I do not like and always say no to (execpt crawling in my shirt, I allow that) but she still asks all the time and cries when I say no.  She has little interest in cuddling with me, though she will cuddle with her father.

I was wondering if I caused it somehow or if it is a natural stage.  At this point I have backed off on weaning indefinitately.   LOL.  I waver between that and just talking all the time about how she will wean when she is three.  That means committing to six more months of nursing, though and I don't know sometimes. 

Anyhow, sorry to crash the forum, but I thought I'd poke my head in since we seem to be experiencing something similar, and maybe I can learn something.

[Spring Lily]

Well at least I'm not the only one whose kids are doing that, then! That's a little consolation.

They are 3 yrs 2 mos and I'd say this has been going on since your DD's age, but it's gotten progressively more intense. I don't usually nurse in the day time unless they're sick or having a hard time going down for a nap--and I desperately need a nap too. I thought drawing more limits on it would help them develop other calming mechanisms, but it seems like they just cherish our nursing time more now.

[tincia]

So I don't have a lot of experience with this because my nursling is only 7 months and my older children put an end to it pretty early but that never stopped me from putting in my two cents lol. I think of your case where it's embedded in the bedtime routine, and think it could go on for a loooong time (which could be a great thing for some people, but if for you it's not..). I know if I suggested to my 3 yr old that I wasn't going to come cuddle in bed with her, or that my husband wasn't going to read her exactly three stories while she eats a banana in her jammies (lol stickler for routine), that it would NOT go over well! So I think that plays a big part in it too! And my oldest didn't give up story and cuddle bedtime routine until she was 10, and it was pushed by another baby crying and nursing during that time and 'ruining' it. So after my big ramble, I guess my point is, it may take a bit of a push, and I think that's okay

[TiredX2]

I have two older children.  I don't consider myself to have practiced "true" CLW with the oldest because I put a lot of limits on her during my pregnancy with DS that I think caused her to ultimately wean earlier than she would have.  I am sure I put some limits on DS, but I consider him to have been pretty close to a true CLW.

One thing I would encourage you to consider is to simply remove the limits you have imposed.  I am not the only person to have noticed that if you do that for a while (and not a few days, like commit to doing it for a couple months) their need graduallly fades.  Perhaps because they are feeling so restricted they are constantly wanting it, kwim.  So, if they know they *can* nurse it will become less important to them as time goes by.  I think people are like that with almost anything that is rationed--- just thinking about how to get *more* of the item ends up becomming more important. 

That said, IMO, 3.5 is old enough to respect body integrity.  I would consider talking to your  kids about not touching your breasts without permission at a time when they are not trying to.  You can frame it that *everyone* has the right to not be touched against their will and even give them a chance to tell you not to touch them. 

As for my two, we considered DD weaned at 4 years, 3 months.  DS not until 5 years, 8 months.  They were both what most people would term "high needs".

[QMtwins]

Glad to have read this.  My twins are 20 months old and I can't tell you the folks who are shocked by the fact that they are still breastfeeding.  I have wondered how long they will breastfeed and what my thoughts are on it.  Last night, for the 4th time in 6 hours, I wasn't going to breastfeed ever again.  Today though, of course we did many times!  Certainly, trying to figure out what CLW looks like and feels like. 

Thanks!

[TiredX2]

Originally Posted by QMtwins 

Glad to have read this.  My twins are 20 months old and I can't tell you the folks who are shocked by the fact that they are still breastfeeding.  I have wondered how long they will breastfeed and what my thoughts are on it.  Last night, for the 4th time in 6 hours, I wasn't going to breastfeed ever again.  Today though, of course we did many times!  Certainly, trying to figure out what CLW looks like and feels like. 

Thanks!

LOL,  20 months is a HARD time for nursing--- I can't imagine it times two!  I just wanted to throw that out there--- a lot of kids between, say 17-21 months have a few months where they nurse like a newborn---- if, that is, you had a 25 lb newborn with teeth!  For most kids, their needs do start to dip a bit at least around their 2nd birthday.  It's like they are tanking up for a big step towards independence.  Now, for some kids that "dip" means they would be quite easy to wean, other's are more like mine and dip down under 20 times a day, lol.  I just want you to know that 20 months is a hard time, so take it easy on yourself and you'll probably be in a better place in  just a few months.

[QMtwins]

Thanks TiredX2...they are sweet dear girls and I appreciate hearing its not always hard because it isn't.  Almost all the time, its endearing and amazing.  Its hard finding info about extended breastfeeding and when they have increases or decreases, what that might mean or how to process it.  So, again thanks!