Thanks to both of your responses.
I'm not specifically mad at her dad and taking it out on her. I think it's just EVERYTHING combined making me short fuzed (work, school, every-day responsibilities, dealing with a rotten child). I'm not jealous of him doting over her. It just ticks me off that I'm always the bad parent, that he never guides her towards good behavior.
I am familiar with MDC. I read articles and practice many things that MDC is about. I've raised my daughter with MDC values. Daughter doesn't like hair bows, I don't force them. Daughter wants to wear mis-matched clothes, I give her my opinion but ultimately let her chose what she wears. ("I don't think that looks very good, but if YOU like it, I think you should wear it. It's your body."). I'm anti-spanking. I think it's terrible. But it's what I've done lately to get this stubborn child to do/not do something. I'm at my max with her bad behavior.
I'm aware of sensory issues. If she was consistant in defiance, I would be more prone to think she may have sensory issues but she's not consistant. Monday, a certain pair of underwear (with no tags) are perfectly fine. Next Monday, that same pair of underwear is an issue. The same goes for certain pants, shirts, etc. Some days it takes 10 minutes to get her buckled in the car seat, some days aren't a problem. Some days she can be a big girl and buckle/unbuckler herself, other days "she can't". Nothing with her is consistant.
I've raised her with a "voice". I've given her options and respected her decision. I've compromised. I let her eat lunch items for breakfast...as long as she eats something. Her life is really quite easy. There are very little "no's" in her life. The few things that I DO ask of her result in a battle. You CAN jump on your bed, but please not the couch...she does the opposite. TRY your dinner. If you don't like it, you don't have to eat it but just TRY it. She starves herself for 48 hours and ends up having some cheese and crackers.
I'm a pretty "cool" mom, IMO. I don't think I ask too much of her and it highly irritates me when the few things I ask of her become a war. I'm on a schedule...I don't have time to wait for her to comply with getting dressed. I don't have time to let her try on 3 outfits before something "feels right". I don't have time to be patient or coddle her...I just need her to "get dressed". She really has turned into a monster lately.
I'm questioning everything I've done with her the past 4 years. I have a friend who has NOT given her daughter options and her daughter simply does what she is told. She wears what her mother tells her to, eats what is on the table, etc. My daughter acts like the world owes her something. Friends daughter eats raw veggies dipped in yummy ranch dressing. My daugher won't even try the dressing and won't eat anything good. My daughter will starve herself before she eats anything she doesn't want to...and she has starved herself before. I stopped cooking dinner. She won't eat anything I make so I stopped cooking (she eats dorito's and donuts for breakfast with her dad and chicken nuggets/mac n cheese for dinner...it's what she's used to). I'm just beyond fed up with her. She's what you call a very "spirited/strong willed/spoiled" child.
She picks her nose and eats boogers (but please keep in mind...she won't even try ranch dressing or eat a veggie. Please tell me what SENSE that makes?!). In public, at a restaurant table, wherever...she picks/eats boogers. (She's not vaccinated and I've read that eating boogers is a natural defense for unvaccinated kids but this is completely unacceptable to me). I've somewhat stopped her from eating them...but she still picks and wipes boogers all over the house. It's disgusting. Overall, she litterally acts like a wild animal...like she's been raised by a pack of wolves. Nobody helps me guide her towards good behavior so it's a never ending uphill battle and I'm just fed up.
I will visit with her on Friday, but she will go home with her dad. I'll see her next Saturday, but she will go home with her dad. I just don't know how to handle her lately :( For the time being, I just need a break. I told her dad that if she comes home (Dec 15) with the same or worse behavior...that he can keep her. If he wants to raise a spoiled brat, he can be my guest but I won't have any part of it. I'm so mad over the whole situation, it's ridiculous.
I was making my daughter a homemade 12-room doll house mansion. From scratch using cardboard boxes. Decorating each little room with scrapbook paper and flooring, making cushioned/fabric couches, bunkbeds, canopy beds...really amazing (but very frugal) things. I was so excited to see her face on Christmas when she received it. But her behavior lately has me so disgusted. I don't know if she deserves it. I'm just so mad! I'm the coolest mama I know but my daughter doesn't appreciate anything I do for her. I may change my mind once I cool off for a week. I'm just at a breaking point.
Edited by ButterflyBaby11 - 1/18/12 at 1:18am