need to know im not the only one :-(

[totallyhadenuff]

hi all this is my first time on here. i have to be honest im not really sure how it even works. i have a really bad issue with insane jealousy. had a tough time in my life and unfortunately im suffering now. it all started a month after my mum died when i was 17 i am now 27. i am now with a man......the best man in the world.....my husband and i just want to get better for him for me but most importanly for us as a couple and a family. i have a little boy of 5 w my world. so everythings great except this awful problem that i am living with, that none of my family understand and i dont know what to do anymore.

i want to talk about it more and get some feedback but before i tell u all the details does anyone have this or ever had it or know anyone that does. its awful and i truly wouldnt wish it on my worst enemy. please dont think im stupid i admit wholeheartedly i have a problem. i went to the doctors before my son was born and saw a counsellor for a year. i then met my man that i have known technically for over ten years. we got together in april 2010 and are now married. the counselling cant have worked and i have this week gone back to the doctors to get tablets and have to return in two weeks to get further help...so believe me im trying but i have an illness and it so hard to get people to understand that this is not something i want to do.

its making me very sad and i know it is my husband too.

k x

xx

[SimonMom]

*hugs* i'm finding it hard to know what to say without knowing any details. are you jealous over something specific or jealous about many things? it sounds like a tough situation... just wanted to let you know someone is listening..

[totallyhadenuff]

bless ya thanks so much for that :-)

its a whole lot of things to be honest. and i am fully aware that it must to other people sound crazy but its heart breaking. i cant watch films with my husband with any nakedness in women wise it devesates me. and even just an attractive girl in either nowadays without feeling like hes comparing me to her. which by the way he doesnt he is so amazing and understanding i just no the whole thing is difficult for him. newspapers, magazines etc i just cant be around full stop. and anything to do with porn or glamour women i would be so upset if he chose to purposely buy,watch see etc. its a daily struggle as u can imagine and im at breaking point. i chose to go to the doctors again after my counselling 5 years ago hasnt worked. but two years me and my husband have been together and i totally adore him so ive made the first step. on anti-depressents and on 2nd dec i go back to have the dose doubled for a little while and seek further help. and then we're going to fight it together. previously i was given small tasks by the cognitive behavourial therapist i saw like...buy a magazine and cuddle up to my ex and try and just focus on the magazine because the chances were he wasnt watching anyway. things like watch a normal film and not seek reassurance from him. so everythings kind of new in the respect of it being with my now husband and the good thing is i know when it comes to him choosing a film for my task that he would like to watch he wouldnt be as mean as my ex and want me to watch basic instinct like he did back then...harsh. see now we have spoke and we just want to be able to do more normal every day things like me not ask so many questions...feel more comfortable in certain situations...be able to watch more films and tv more comfortable when things happen unexpectantly and he sees something by accident. i have to give myself credit for the fact that i would say i am 55% better then i was with my ex 5 years ago but this man is for keeps and i will fight so hard. i dont want people to read this and assume im just a bunny boiler. ive been through alot and the therapist said that everything that has happened to me is a massive factor. i also lost my mum suddenly when i was 17 and it started one month under that. no wonder that my confidence, trust and security just went. the main thing with this whole thing is that i am 100% sure that he wont cheat on me. so the jealousy side is not that way. we have a great relationship despite all the things ive said and i have a lot of good days and a few bad days and we also are both quite young so we make sure the other is more then satisfied if u get my drift. and throw in the mix a beautiful 5 year old of mine not his and to get rid of this problem so we can live our life to the max would be amazing. im not shying away from it and believe me sometimes i wish i could. to feel constantly that your just not good enough, pretty enough slim enough everyday is agonising. i see the love in his eyes and i see how much it hurts him when i slag myself off. and todays a good day and hey im curvy (need to lose a few pounds for myself but not fat) i get told im pretty alot and am a fave at work with the men and i have big boobs and long blonde hair thats natural so i could be worse haha. so when it hits its just such a shame it hits so bad. the feeling in my tummy and the panic attacks and the tears are hard. i got diagnosed with morbid jelousy but i think its insane jealousy. so for listening to me thank u thats what i need i really do xx

[McGucks]

Hi.  I googled the term you used, "morbid jealousy," and there's a lot out there.  Here's just one link: 

http://martine-daniel.suite101.com/morbid-jealousy-a186463

...but I saw that there was quite a bit out there, perhaps even a support forum.  Some of what I scanned through on morbid jealousy does not sound like you in that you feel secure in your partner's faithfulness, whereas other m.j. criteria sounded like lots of suspicious feelings, stalking of one's partner, and that sort of thing.

Intrusive thoughts of any nature can be debilitating.  Has your therapist looked into meds that could help with the intrusiveness or compulsive thinking?

I would encourage you to seek out another therapist if you do not feel that you have made decent progress in this or other areas of concern.  Sometimes people just need a better interpersonal match--not every therapist is right for every client.

Additionally (and this may seem picky)--you may want to edit your post with some paragraph breaks.  Sometimes folks are less likely to read long, block-style entries.  I am not saying that to be unkind or critical, but in the hopes that if you edited you might get some more feedback.

I am sorry for the loss of your mother at such a young age   I know that parenting a child without your own mother can be sad and challenging, particularly if you and she were close.

It sounds like you are on the right track regarding healing some of the areas that have made your life difficult, and I hope that you will continue to seek out support that will help you enjoy life.

[C is for Cookie]

I have morbid jealousy. I have both obsessional and psychotic jealousy. It's not pretty and I know I need help. It doesn't help that XBF cheated on me a couple times, emotionally and physically. And he still talks to one of the girls. After finding out, I broke up with him. I can't deal with this anymore and I believe it literally is driving me crazy. It came to the point where I was texting curse words to these girls and called them all sorts of bad names (which is not me so I don't know where it comes from. I never say curse words or call anyone absurd names.) Of course, duh, that doesn't help. It feels like I turn into this different awful person. 

I never knew there was a name for this. It is a tough situation. I agree with caedenmomma on finding another therapist if you feel it doesn't help. I hope you get the support you need. Things will get better. 

[McGucks]

I never knew there was a name for it, either, though I am familiar with some of the symptoms.  I will be interested to see if other posters write in with either their experiences or (wouldn't it be nice if) professional experience as a therapist in this area.

I always thought it was more of an OCD kind of thing--that the obsession over negative comparisons or compulsion to "check out" other woman and compare one's self to them was the driving insecurity.

[C is for Cookie]

I still live with my XBF for the time being (we are thinking of reconciling) and I still check up on him for some reason. He hides his texts so it would make no sense to check. I wish I could stop but it becomes an itch if I don't. Then every time I leave him alone, I keep visioning that he is talking to the girls either via facebook, chat, or texting. Every time he goes off to work, I keep visioning that he flirts with them. The girls that he cheated on me with happens to be coworkers.

I hope there are others out there that are going through this like I am. I feel guilty feeling this way...:(

[Linda on the move]

Originally Posted by C is for Cookie 

The girls that he cheated on me with happens to be coworkers.

I think this is a different situation altogether than what the OPer was talking about. There is a massive, massive difference between not trusting someone who cannot keep their pants zipped and not trusting anyone because one is incapable of trust.

Your ex boy friend has shown you exactly what he is like. You would be a fool to trust him.

On the other hand, once you finally realize that and end it for good, if you continue to have trust problems with the next person you get involved with, then the problem is you.

big, big difference.

I don't know how to address the inability to trust, but I am sure that step one is starting with another person who is basically trustworthy.