My midwife just had a fit :( (Long!)

[Triniity]

Hi,

please let me know what you think about this. Be honest, but gentle

I am 38 weeks pregnant and have really bad problems with my pelvis (see other thread). Yesterday I was at an appointment with my mw, where we talked about it, esp the possibility of an induction and any other options, but I did not feel that she understood how serious this is for me and how painful and how bad I feel about not being able to care for my little ones. She more or less repeated that I am not the easiest patient one could have and how I do my own thing - whenever I feel like it.

she said that she will have a rather busy week next week, and that an induction could take days. She suggested that we do a membrane sweep on Monday and wait until friday after afterwards. I asked her if I could take pain medication and she suggested a very strong one to me, so I thought, maybe I can make it with the painkiller for one more week.

I have no help here, my DH is at work, and he is very, very stressed since he works so hard, and needs to take care of chores at night, plus he brings the kids to childcare in the morning, which is a bit of a nightmare, so he is always late in the mornings. He worked through the last three weeks without a day of. He is getting very close to his limit.

and I am getting very close to mine, watching him and the kids getting all stressed up, and me not being able to do anything against it.

DH told me that he will not be able to cope much longer.

My DH spoke to an obs/gyn dr yesterday to ask because of the pain medication mw suggested, and they said not to take it under any circumstances.

therefor I went to see my dr this morning to check out if there are any options for the pain at all, and she said no, no options, other than induction, and she would suggest one seeing me and the whole family situation and how stressed out I am.

She said it would take so much pressure from me and DH and everything, plus the pain. Plus my mom can come around to take care of my kids and DH while I am not able to, she can only stay one week though.

I physically can not take care of the needs of my kids at the moment. It is so frustrating!

My dr called the hospital and I talked to the dr there to get an appointment for a discussion of the problem, they said there is no need for discussion, and just gave me an appointment for the induction. Which was rather surprising to me, I thought I would have to go there today to talk everything through.

After that I called my mw to let her know, I would have called her before I made the appointment call, if I would have guessed that I would already get an appointment.

And she got really really angry with me, telling me I am always doing my thing, I should have called her first, that everybody in the hospital would say that there would be no point in discussing things with me (I don´t know if that is true, but it was rather shocking), that she were thinking about giving up the care and letting it do me all by myself.

I told her that I did not mean to overstep anything or to not inform her, that I just did not know that they would give me an appointment right away (to which she said - they did that because I am such a difficult person ...)

I mean, I am a doctor, I am informed, I don´t do things I don´t believe in and I have strong believes, but I am not hostile or anything.

At the moment I am really shattered. I am so sad, wondering if that was the right decision.

I wanted a homebirth and still stayed with this mw even though she does not do homebirth, because I felt comfortable with her. And she delivered DS.

And I am grieving about loosing my options of having an all natural birth - there might even be a risk of a c-section due to the pelvic problems, but we´ll see.

I am so worried now. And sad. Crying sad. I feel abandoned and left alone and not understood. I have the pain, not my mw. I cannot walk like a normal person. I cannot sleep.

I am just exhausted, and it adds to the stress.

So what do you think, am I totally crazy?

[cristeen]

Well, a couple things pop out at me.  In part because I can't locate what other thread to look at about your pelvic problems, so I can't address that specifically. 

First, I would check out the drug your MW recommended on safefetus.org  It may be that the OB is covering their butt, and it may be that your MW is off base.  Look it up for yourself. 

I would not do an induction at 38 weeks if I had ANY other option.  The chances of the baby landing in the NICU is high, and what is that going to do to everyone's stress levels then? 

I would ask for a second opinion on the pain meds if your research on safefetus doesn't turn out.  Call another OB office, another MW.  Something.  Have you tried a chiropractor? 

If you are headed for an induction, ask the OB about steroid shots and/or testing baby's lungs before agreeing to do it.  Do some research on both. 

Do you have the ability to hire some help around the house right now?  Even a teenager for a few hours each week?  Getting some help with the chores and corralling the kids can take some of the stress off your husband.  How about asking friends for help?  Reach out to others.  I know it's really difficult to do, but even people you might think are merely acquaintances have been known to step forward if you ask for help.  Do you have a mom's group, a LLL group, a church or other organization that you can reach out to?  I know from experience how difficult it can be to do, but it sounds like you really need to ask everyone you can for help. 

As for your MW, do you have another option?  Has she been paid in full?  If you were to go into labor on your own now, would you feel comfortable having this woman be your support during such a difficult period?  These are all things you need to think about.  Personally, someone who treated me like that would be fired, and I'd be asking for a partial refund.  But around here I have options when it comes to MWs, I know that's not the case in many areas.  If you're headed for a hospital birth, maybe it's time to start looking for a doula instead of relying on this MW?  Again, I don't know what the financial situation is. 

Those are the thoughts that come to mind reading your post.  Hopefully some of that is helpful.  Again, I don't know your back story or what's going on with you medically, but your MW is being extremely unprofessional, and unless you are out of options, I would think long and hard about continuing in her care. 

[brneyedmama]

I agree completely with cristeen.  Although I totally understand what it's like to be in your level of pain (mine is back related) during late pregnancy, if you were to induce the baby early and it came out with problems due to the induction, your families stress level wouldn't be any better than it is now.  I also think you should do some research on pain meds, and possibly think about acupuncture and massage but it probably isn't covered by your insurance.  There are plenty of women who deal with serious pain in their last trimester, I'm sure there must be some safe options out there.  I mean, if we can get epidurals during labor, certainly we could take a pain killer for a week or two?

If you really get to the point where you want an induction, I would try the natural stuff first.  It is true that most hospitals will ask very little questions, are are quick to jump to inductions which are known to produce stress on baby and mother, painful contractions that are more intense than normal ones and usually end up in C-sections.  So I would try the membrane sweep once or twice (that worked for me) you can also try Castor oil, black and blue kohash and lots of sex.

As far as the midwife goes, I'd fire her too.  I can't imagine mine ever speaking to me that way, but again it boils down to your options, and this is really late to be looking for a replacement.  If she delivered DS then you must be comfortable with her?  If she's the one you want delivering your baby, I'd ask to come meet with her and have a serious heart to heart.  You don't want someone in that state of mind delivering your baby anyway.  I also think a doula would be a very good idea.  You certainly need support right now, so reaching out to anyone is the best thing you could do.  Get a neighbor to drop kids off in the morning, hire a teenager to play with them for the two hrs after they get home, take out a small loan from he bank and use it to hire someone to come clean and cook dinner. This is really important.  What about DH's family?

Good Luck!!!

[MarineWife]

I had pretty bad SPD while I was pg. I was the only parent home, since my dh was deployed, with 2 other kids to take care of. So, I know (at least to some extent since I don't know the cause or severity of your pain) about how hard all of that is. However, I agree with the PPs that an induction at 38w is very risky. I would do everything I could to avoid that. Even an induction at 39w is risky. No offense, but doctors downplay the risks so don't rely on them to tell you the whole truth. Look it up yourself. I recently read an article about the increased health risks, including a higher incidence of death within the first year, to babies born from early (before the end of the 39th week) induction.

I agree with trying to find others to help. Sometimes all you need to do is ask.