Tandem Nursing Mamas « Back to Group Discussions

[meesh933]

I know there's more of you out there! How's it going? How arethe older nurslings doing?

We're doing as well as can be expected. DS1 has been nursing more, but not quite every time the baby does. Last night was our first night, and the only issue we had was the 2 times that both boys wanted to nurse at once. Poor baby had to wait in the other room with Daddy a couple of times. :( Hopefully he gets better and self-latching/staying latched on soon and I can nurse them both in bed soon.

The only other thing I've noticed is that every time I nurse the baby, DD or DS1 wants to hold him.  And since he nurses pretty much 23.5 hours a day, that's been interesting.

[Jaimee]

Michele, I'm not tandem nursing, but I just noticed that our kiddos are all very alike in age.  My dd is just 3ish months older than yours and my ds is one month older than yours.  How has your ds been handling the baby, nursing aside?

[meesh933]

Originally Posted by Jaimee 

Michele, I'm not tandem nursing, but I just noticed that our kiddos are all very alike in age.  My dd is just 3ish months older than yours and my ds is one month older than yours.  How has your ds been handling the baby, nursing aside?

Pretty well, actually. He has definitely hit the baby, but thankfully little guy is chill and hasn't even flinched. It gets a little dicey if I'm nursing the baby and he comes trying to climb on me/us. I'm not really in any position to wrestle a toddler right now! He loves to hold him and kiss him, and so far the only jealousy is around my time (and boobs, lol). He actually woke up about 30 minutes after he was borny. He didn't acknowledge the baby for about an hour, but then he was pretty interested. He even said "baby" then pointed to my stomach and said "out" which impressed me; I didn't think he understood at all what was going on!

My parents are also still here through tomorrow morning, and then DH will be home for a week or so. It will definitely be interesting once I'm on my own all day...but overall, I've been pleasantly surprised.

[KayPea]

Tandem nursing has been a bit of a nightmare for us. Oren (the baby) has had weight gain issues, so I have to be really strict with the "baby first" rules. But EVERY TIME baby nurses, DD (2.5) demands to nurse "Right now!" And then when I very gently and patiently try to explain that she has to let Oren finish his turn before she can take her turn, she has a complete kicking, screaming, on the floor meltdown. Either that or she starts climbing on top of me and baby, trying to push him away, and I'm trying to fend her off with one hand, while holding onto my giant boob with the other and trying to maintain a dubious newborn latch. And Oren is nursing ALL THE TIME. Today she totally head-butted him on the head, and I bawled for an hour before DH could talk me out of taking him to the Children's hospital to be examined for head injuries (he's likely fine - he cried for less than 2 minutes, then fell back asleep on the breast.)

And her latch is horrible. We have the most issues when it IS her turn to nurse, because she always slides down to just nurse the nipple, and it seriously hurts. And no matter how good her latch is to start, it always degenerates to this in minutes. I think she doesn't want the milk, and is nursing the nipple to avoid letdown. So I relatch her a dozen or so times (and we talk about it, and I explain things to her) until I can't take it anymore, then I have to stop her. And then she has a meltdown. And usually this is bedtime, (or the middle of the night) and she screams for what feels like days until I grit my teeth and just let her nurse already, so she fall asleep for goodness sake. 

Between the two, I am nursing all night, and much of the day, and I just don't know how I can sustain this. But honestly, the alternative is non-stop screaming, so I just pick nursing because it's so much easier. And it breaks my heart to have to wean her now, and I do't want to her to blame her brother for it.

I can't nurse them together, DD is a squirmy, kicking nurser, and she'd likely just end up beating up her brother while they nursed. Plus I have very large breasts, and I need both hands to nurse a newborn.  

[KayPea]

Also - anyone have any advice for my fear that the toddler is taking away milk from my slow-gainer? I know that the supply will eventually compensate for both nurslings, but right now it really does seem like DD will nurse on the left side (the only side she'll nurse on) and there won't be any milk in there for hours - long after Oren has drained the right breast. I'm having a difficult recovery, so perhaps this is affecting my supply, because I certainly had more than enough milk when DD was a baby. 

Those who are experienced tandem-nursers, do I have to limit DDs access until baby starts gaining appropriately?

[Jaimee]

Originally Posted by KayPea 

do I have to limit DDs access until baby starts gaining appropriately?

It is my understanding that yes, you should limit how much your dd gets so that they is enough for the baby.  If baby seems full and satisfied then allowing you dd to nursing in between sessions should only help to increase your supply.  Are you taking fenugreek, mothers' milk tea, etc?
 

[KayPea]

Originally Posted by Jaimee 

It is my understanding that yes, you should limit how much your dd gets so that they is enough for the baby.  If baby seems full and satisfied then allowing you dd to nursing in between sessions should only help to increase your supply.  Are you taking fenugreek, mothers' milk tea, etc?
 

I do let baby drink his fill - then DD gets what's left. But Oren always seems to want to nurse again right after, and there just doesn't seem to be anything left sometimes. 

I'm not doing any galactagogues right now - my issue with DD was oversupply, fast letdown and foremilk/hindmilk imbalance, so I haven't even thought about such things at this point!

[LiLStar]

I expected ds to be happy when my milk came in! When it did, and Evan was sleeping, I went and found him and offered it to him. As soon as he discovered there was actual milk, in large quantities coming out, he  let go and said no :( Other times he's said "I not like it!" A couple mornings when i've been really full, I've waited for him to stir then offered when he's half awake.. and he'll take it for like 30 seconds then wants no more! Lately, he's asked to nurse like every other day, but then only latches for like 2 seconds, barely sucks, and is done. whether this is a strike or weaning is yet to be seen...

[crazykittymomma]

It seems to be going well over here. I had oversupply last time and this time...holy monkeys...I'm going to have to break out the pump today just to actually drain them! Ouch. The baby is satisfied with just one at a time (just like her big sister was) and the toddler...man, she's nursing all. the. time. Her poops have gone all newborn like, she doesn't want to eat normal food (not even her favorites!) and she's started leaking through diapers at night. I really can't wait until my boobs chill out enough to droop back under my arm pits so I can nurse them both at once laying down. Flip flopping back and forth all night between the two of them is keeping me from sleeping.

[Krystal323]

I'm so glad there's a thread here to talk about this, even if we're not tandem nursing (as of yet--i still have hope it could be a strike!). 

Nursing aside, Nik (my 2yo) is mostly gentle to the baby, although in the first few days there were more than a few incidents of "pat, pat, smack!" and Nik pulling Ollie's head off my nipple while nursing, etc. 

I guess it was naive of me to assume that Nik would just seamlessly transition to nursing with a baby around.  He knew the baby was in my belly and would come out soon, and he talked excitedly about sharing milkies with him.  He would say while nursing on one side that that was "his side" and he'd pat the other side and say "that one baby's".  Maybe he thought that one boob would be exclusively his after the baby came?? 

He saw the birth and acted very daddy-clingy right afterward, and kind of mad at me   Now he's back to his usual cheery self 95% of the time, except he's still not interested in nursing.  

He has laid down in my lap multiple times, asked to have my shirt up, and "cuddled with the milkie".  He's put his mouth up to nurse, and then looked at me and grinned, turning away.  He says "baby milkie" and shakes his head, or tells me he's a big boy.  However he's back to wearing diapers most of the time, instead of using the potty most of the time.  

Arrgh...!   Two weeks ago he was still my nursing baby, except I hardly had to change diapers.  Now he's my big boy, acting all weaned, but OMG the diaper laundry is horrendous now!

One small bonus: My nipples are not sore at ALL this time, apparently since I nursed thru my whole pregnancy :)  No more lanolin stains on my bras--yay!

[Jaimee]

Originally Posted by Krystal323 

Arrgh...!   Two weeks ago he was still my nursing baby, except I hardly had to change diapers.  Now he's my big boy, acting all weaned, but OMG the diaper laundry is horrendous now!

NOO!!  This cannot happen!!!  Blargh...
 

[EonJourney]

I am nursing my 3 week old twins and my DS who is 3. No supply issues. In fact I am leaking with too much milk. The twins have each gained 1.5 + lbs. I nurse DS after the twins or count to 5 if I know they need to drink very soon. I feel grateful that all is going well so far.

[meesh933]

Jack was 9 lb 9 oz at birth. Six days old and he's 10 lb 5 oz!  I guess I don't need to worry about how much my toddler is nursing!

[Paigekitten]

Julianna keeps asking for "mama milk RIGHT NOW" but she either doesn't remember how to latch, or doesn't want to, but she did ask for my milk in a cup, which she guzzled down.  I really should offer her more opportunities to nurse, or pump for her, but she weaned 6 months ago, I really wasn't expecting her to be kind of interested again.

[munchymum]

DD1 is nursing more than before but not crazily so.  I would say that she is nursing out of jealousy, rather than for the milk.  When I nurse her on her own she is not really that interested.  And DP and I are sleeping separately (him with DD1, me with DD2) so night-times are not a problem.  We are dealing with DD1's fear of sharing mummy and that is sometimes expressed in a desire to nurse, but it would be expressed in some other way if we were not tandemming.  So I'm reasonably happy with how it is going.

[KayPea]

Oren was 9lbs 11 oz at birth, and at his two week midwife visit was 10lbs 7 oz. So I too have stopped worrying about how much the toddler is getting. Otherwise, it's going pretty well. DD wants to nurse out of jealousy as well, and I have to say "Not right now" to her a lot, but overall tandem nursing is so worth it. I'm having trouble staying hydrated though - it's insane the amount of water I have to drink now. 

[meesh933]

Is anyone else just not enjoying tandem nursing?  I had really hoped that the irritation I felt towards nursing DS1 while pregnant would go away after some of the hormones subsided, but we're nearly 4 weeks in and it's still awful. I'm seriously considering weaning, at the very least night weaning. During the day isn't as bad, but night is awful. The only times he nurses during the day are to go to sleep and if he gets really hurt, but he's been waking a lot more at night. Before the baby, he was letting DH put him back to bed at least 75% of the time, but it's back to 0%. And he and the baby seem to both wake up every two hours - but on opposite hours, so I'm up every hour or more. And then when I do nurse him back to sleep, I am just angry. And really, I think the nursing relationship isn't healthy/worth continuing if I'm angry at him over it. Last night I nursed him to sleep at 8, he woke at 9 and again at 9:45. The second time I freaked out and made DH take him. He screamed for like half an hour, then watched TV with DH for half an hour until he fell asleep. But then he woke again at 3 and then 4 - when he got up for two hours. And I'd already been up since 2 with the baby! Between lack of sleep and irritation with nursing him, I'm miserable. I'm at my wit's end. I don't want to wean, but this obviously isn't working, either.....

[Code Name Mama]

Meesh - can you start limiting those nighttime nursings without fully weaning him? It sounds like perhaps you're not ready to make a full break, but obviously you need some time to sleep at night. When I was pg, I cut out middle of the night nursing sessions, but Kieran still nurses to sleep much of the time. I wrote about my suggestions here: http://www.hobomama.com/2011/08/reducing-nighttime-breastfeeding.html


At any rate, I'm not enjoying tandem nursing either. Kieran lost his latch, and I can't figure out how to help him regain it. I tell him to put his tongue over his bottom teeth (I know that's the problem) and open wide, but so far, no dice. Plus it just eeks me out. However, he is only nursing once per day before bed, and even then it's for less than 2 minutes, so I hope that he'll just gradually stop on his own - I'm not going to force the issue any more than the limiting I'm already doing.

Every time he nurses to sleep, I lie there thinking, "is this the last time?" It makes me so sad, but at the same time I know it will bring some sense of relief when I don't feel irritated by it.

[meesh933]

Originally Posted by Code Name Mama 

Meesh - can you start limiting those nighttime nursings without fully weaning him? It sounds like perhaps you're not ready to make a full break, but obviously you need some time to sleep at night. When I was pg, I cut out middle of the night nursing sessions, but Kieran still nurses to sleep much of the time. I wrote about my suggestions here: http://www.hobomama.com/2011/08/reducing-nighttime-breastfeeding.html
At any rate, I'm not enjoying tandem nursing either. Kieran lost his latch, and I can't figure out how to help him regain it. I tell him to put his tongue over his bottom teeth (I know that's the problem) and open wide, but so far, no dice. Plus it just eeks me out. However, he is only nursing once per day before bed, and even then it's for less than 2 minutes, so I hope that he'll just gradually stop on his own - I'm not going to force the issue any more than the limiting I'm already doing.
Every time he nurses to sleep, I lie there thinking, "is this the last time?" It makes me so sad, but at the same time I know it will bring some sense of relief when I don't feel irritated by it.

I'm trying to limit night time nursing, but the problem is that that means DH has to deal with him screaming for a while, then up and running around for an hour or so. We did it once last night, but if he wakes 3 or 4 times, what then? No one's sleeping if he's running around or screaming. So most of  the time I just grit my teeth and get it over with. And most of his nursing happens at night, so I've wondered if night weaning wouldn't pave the way for total weaning? He's only 22 months, and while part of me really, really doesn't want him to wean so young, there's a big part of me that's not happy nursing him anymore. And that makes me really sad, for both of us.

My DD weaned when I was pregnant with DS1. She was 2.5 yo, and it was like you said - sad, but at the same time I was so relieved. I was grateful that she quit and it really improved our overall relationship. The anger/irritation just really isn't healthy, and I hate myself when I get mad at him for something as benign as nursing, but OMG I'm just not sure how much longer we can do this.

[Code Name Mama]

Originally Posted by meesh933 




I'm trying to limit night time nursing, but the problem is that that means DH has to deal with him screaming for a while, then up and running around for an hour or so. We did it once last night, but if he wakes 3 or 4 times, what then? No one's sleeping if he's running around or screaming. So most of  the time I just grit my teeth and get it over with. And most of his nursing happens at night, so I've wondered if night weaning wouldn't pave the way for total weaning? He's only 22 months, and while part of me really, really doesn't want him to wean so young, there's a big part of me that's not happy nursing him anymore. And that makes me really sad, for both of us.

My DD weaned when I was pregnant with DS1. She was 2.5 yo, and it was like you said - sad, but at the same time I was so relieved. I was grateful that she quit and it really improved our overall relationship. The anger/irritation just really isn't healthy, and I hate myself when I get mad at him for something as benign as nursing, but OMG I'm just not sure how much longer we can do this.

FWIW, it took Kieran about 2 wks of crying at night when I would rub his back instead of nursing before he just started sleeping more - but that 2 wks was totally worth it in retrospect.
And if he wakes up 3-4 times, I'd suggest making a window of time you're going to enforce the no nursing - do you want to make it from 12-4? 12-5? Think about what might be realistic and what you need, and give it some time. Hugs mama!!