I realized one of the issues between DH and I, for me is that he doesn't communicate with me or the kids very well.
We're going on 7 years together and some of the same issues include cleaning.
He has deliberately avoided and ridiculed the ideas of routine and schedules. He seems to like to let things pile up and eventually save us all by doing a big clean, but it takes forever for him to care enough to do anything.
It happens like this continuously because he does not clean up after himself on a regular basis. He leaves wrappers out, he lives dishes everywhere, he doesn't really put anything away, ever.
I clean up after him and everyone. I make all the meals, then I get burned out and I can't do it anymore...I get depressed about it.
I realize, although I do tell him where to put things, where things go, what my plans/goals are, etc. Its not enough for him...I find it too difficult and frustrating to have to tell him what to do every time. I'm already doing that with my 4 year old, who puts her things away and cleans up after herself a lot more than he does, despite so many things being out of her reach.
Over and over again I try to organize our home and it doesn't last very long. There is so much to this story really, but I need to create some rules for family living. I'm definitely doing way more of everything for every one and I have no clue how things got this way. There was a time when he contributed in other ways, making meals, doing laundry, budgeting, helping with the kids...now he's not doing that.
I'm expecting a lot of effort and change from him because I want this to work out, but I want to be really clear about what I want and what I expect, and I want to communicate with him clearly about his responsibilities, about what is needed for everyone and for our home to really work.
I'm absolutely tired of this happening and I won't let it happening again without being able to see exactly how it happened. I think he seriously underestimates what needs done, what gets done without him, what I do for him and the kids and even letting things go doesn't help him to see what needs to be done.
I've created a family binder and I need to write some things out to help him see what we're doing, what we need from him and just to "show our work" like you would in a math class. In December I'm leaving with our kids to visit my family, and I need to see that he is putting in some effort before we leave and when we come back things need to be in order.
I could really use some perspective on the kinds of things that you expect from the other parent in your home, the things you do, and how to show what happens, needs to be done and keep track of that information. I hope this makes sense.