No really, Id like the baby to stay in until 40 weeks, thanks.

[Adaline'sMama]

My family is driving me crazy.

Everyone wants the baby to come early for some reason. DD was born three weeks early because an external version triggered labor. SO, because of that my family just keeps saying things like

"well, you know your second always comes earlier than your first"
"well, short people cant hold babies in the whole time"
"you dont want him to stay in till 40 weeks, because he will be so big youll have to have a section"
"you should have an induction if he hasnt come out by your due date., you are just too small to go overdue"

ehhhh, its so annoying. Am I the only one who wants my child to be born when he is ready? My EDD is Jan 29, but at my last us (which isnt as accurate as the first one, I know) he was measuring more like Feb 2- which is fine by me. I just want a quick and simple way to explain to family members that I dont "have babies early" just because DD was born early. DD was born early because of the version. How can I tell them that having the baby early is NOT a good thing (dd had latch issues associated with not being able to latch on, she lost a pound the day she was born meaning she left the hospital at 5.7 lbs., we werent packed and ready to go to the hosptial, ect.

It doesnt help that SIL is leaving the country for 9 months about 3 weeks before DS is due to arrive, so on that side of the family that is the reason they want the baby to come early- so sil can be here. My dad has a conference on Feb 14 and he insists that the baby will have already come by that time and that there will be no conflict in scheduling (he and mom are coming to stay for 5 days, so the baby will have to have come HOME by Feb 9 for there to be no conflict, meaning he would have to be born by Feb 7, only 10 days after my due date.) I could reasonably go 10 days late, but since DD was early everyone just thinks its going to be impossible. Im terrified to think of how they are all going to be the week Im due. I may start handing out those www.haveyouhadthatbabyyet.com cards NOW.

Everyone is annoying me with this, except of course, MIL who insists that you arent "9 months pregnant" until your due date. So, at 31 weeks, I am currently only "six months pregnant" in her mind. This is because she hates the idea that I will be just 4 days shy of 9 months pregnant at christmas, and have told her time and time again that NO, I dont want to ride around in your minivan for several hours and look at christmas lights, almost 9 months pregnant and she responds with "Oh, you wont even be 8 months pregnant- dont exaggerate it." Um...Christmas day I will be 35 weeks pregnant. That is more than 8 months. Someone please tell me Im wrong so I can scratch this off my list of why I dislike her so much.

How to I say,
"Actually, I want my baby to be born closer to 40 weeks. Im short, but that really has nothing to do with how big a baby I can deliver or how long I can hold one in. Please stop saying you want my baby to be born early!"

nicely.


Jesus, I want to crawl in a hole (someplace really really warm) for the next two months.

[aeterna]

Eep. That's gotta be frustrating! 

Well, two things. First of all, your MIL isn't necessarily wrong, if she's assuming a month = 4.3 weeks (which is the average if all months were equal-length over our 52-week year). However that doesn't make her any less annoying, lol! I'd passive-aggressively manage this by saying, "Thank you for the offer, but I really do not want to ride around and look at Christmas lights at 35 weeks pregnant." IMO, we use the (flawed) month system because people don't have a ready association for what the weeks "mean," but if she's gonna be a jerk about it, just use that language. ;)

Secondly, I'd be polite but straightforward when people hassle you about having the baby early (which they've done to me too, and I don't have any other kids to base that assumption on... people are just excited!). I tried the whole "Actually, average gestation for first-time babies is 41 weeks" counter, but people believe what they want to believe ("You've dropped! You're gonna have that baby next week!" - Uhm... ok.). So I actually started politely countering with facts that make them feel like complete jerks for wishing an early baby on me. "Gosh, I hope not. Did you know that early babies are at a greater risk for respiratory distress?" - "Oh no, I definitely want him in as long as it takes. I'd rather be uncomfortable than have him strapped up to wires in the NICU." - "Early? Eeek, hopefully not. I'd rather he have a fully-developed heart when he's born."

I mean... what do you say after that? Nothing. And since you have the stressful experience of your daughter's pre-term delivery to draw on, I'd lean on that heavily for examples of things you don't want to happen again (the difficulty feeding, putting on weight, etc etc). It's not like they can pretend those issues don't exist, you've already been through them once! =P

[jeninejessica]

Ugh I hear you. We've held some of it off by not giving an actual date, just saying "Early December" (official EDD is Dec1). But even still, my SIL has a medical condition which has resulted in her first three babies coming at 35 weeks to the day, and her last at 37. Because of this, everyone has been looking at me like I'm a timebomb since I was about 32-33 weeks in their estimates. I had people chiding me for not having a hospital bag packed, or a nursery finished by that point. 

I too have been using the informational approach whenever appropriate-- talking up all the risks with having a pre-due date baby, even by a little bit. It's funny though, that our society has gotten to a point where people assume you're going to be distraught if you haven't had the baby by 37 weeks. There ARE still those of us out there who would prefer to have a due date baby, than a preemie with possible complications. 

[Adaline'sMama]

Originally Posted by jeninejessica 

Ugh I hear you. We've held some of it off by not giving an actual date, just saying "Early December" (official EDD is Dec1). But even still, my SIL has a medical condition which has resulted in her first three babies coming at 35 weeks to the day, and her last at 37. Because of this, everyone has been looking at me like I'm a timebomb since I was about 32-33 weeks in their estimates. I had people chiding me for not having a hospital bag packed, or a nursery finished by that point. 

I too have been using the informational approach whenever appropriate-- talking up all the risks with having a pre-due date baby, even by a little bit. It's funny though, that our society has gotten to a point where people assume you're going to be distraught if you haven't had the baby by 37 weeks. There ARE still those of us out there who would prefer to have a due date baby, than a preemie with possible complications. 

OMG! Have you had that baby yet?!?!?!


I agree with you both about how I should just mention the terrible parts of preterm babies. I was just SO frusterated after Thanksgiving and hearing all the comments. Thanks for letting me rant

[Greenlea]

My 1st son was 2 weeks early and my 2nd son was 11 days late.  People kept asking me why I hadn't been induced yet or the doctor hadn't induced me yet.  I didn't want to be induced!  Yes, I wanted my baby to come (especially since I was having a homebirth and an induction meant going to the hospital with no health insurance).  And yes people were anxious to meet him, but I found it strange how many wanted me to get induced. 

Plus it was fun scaring people at the mall when I was walking around trying to induce labor and telling them I was 11 days overdue (all that walking helped as I went into labor later that day).  But, I will gladly go 11 days overdue for the next one if it means another 4 hour labor! 

[lbkw]

I will always remember what my grandmother said just days before I went into labor with my first, "They are much easier to take care of in, than out."

My mom is less than 5' tall and both deliveries were past her due date.

I'm not a big fan of induction techniques, even "natural" ones. I agree that the baby should come when the baby is ready. We had to schedule a c-section for my breech baby (wouldn't turn when we went for the version) and I wonder if she was a few days under-cooked.

Good luck. Family pressure is the pits!

[cameragirl]

Send them here?

http://haveyouhadthatbabyyet.com


Seriously, though, I feel for you. I'm already getting the big baby comments, and I'm 25 1/2 weeks! They're telling me that I really don't want a VBAC, because it hurts. I don't KNOW if I can push out a baby that big. That's the thing! I don't know! I didn't get a chance last time! Oh, and btw, c-sections hurt. The people saying a VBAC would be worse haven't HAD a c-section. I'm at the point where we're having to tell them to say something nice, or say nothing at all.

[Adaline'sMama]

Psha, you dont really want a vbac. Surely you dont want one baby with a perfectly round head and one with a cone shaped head? You dont want your stomach to explode while youre in labor do you?

[cameragirl]

I haven't gotten the exploding stomach comments yet. My grandmother (a retired, but still licensed nurse) asked me if I was having an RCS. I told her no, I'd like a VBAC because it gets more risky with every c-section. She just looked at me and walked off. I think that is the FIRST time she's ever held her tongue.

[cat13]

When I was pregnant, I realized that no matter how smart, educated, witty or perfect my comebacks were, I still got annoying remarks... from family and strangers.  Thankfully you know better than your family and your DC will come when ready! Hugs and patience your way!

Originally Posted by lbkw 

I will always remember what my grandmother said just days before I went into labor with my first, "They are much easier to take care of in, than out."

So true!