When will you share the news? « Back to Group Discussions

[IntuitiveJamie]

Obviously I'm so excited about this pregnancy! But I'm actually a bit careful about when I'll share the news with certain people.

Family doesn't get to know until Xmas. I'll still only be 8 almost 9 weeks, but that feels good enough to me. I already know how I'll share the news. I'm going to tie a big red ribbon around my belly and not say anything and see if anyone figures it out.

Being a public figure b/c of my business means I have a whole world of people to share the news with (via facebook initially, plus the events I host, radio show, my Expo). I will make the announcement on New Years I've decided. Of course, being on MDC and posting has already led several ppl to privately congratulate me on FB. I forget all my connections sometimes. But that's okay, everyone that has done so, has done so privately, which I really appreciate.

So I won't wait until I'm all the way out of 1st trimester, b/c I'm too impatient and excited for that. But the only miscarriage I've had was within 4 weeks, so anywhere in the 8-12 weeks feels right to me to share the news.

[Ninetales]

I'm dying to tell now! I told my husband straight out that I wouldn't wait past Christmas. I'd still like to tell before that, though. I was looking around and saw the risk of miscarriage drops to 5% at six weeks so that's probably when I'll start pushing for it. Though doing it at Christmas sounds tempting.

I won't tell outside immediate family until the 12 week mark I think.

[Knitting Mama]

My parents and siblings, and my husband's parents and sibling, already know. Otherwise, it will be at least until after we get our dating ultrasound and know more information! My rule of thumb is that I tell people early who are the people I would want to lean on if something went wrong.

[Thebyr]

My mc was at 8 weeks (growth stopped at 4-5 weeks). So if I see or hear something at my 8 weeks appt (dec 27) - then we may tell our parents. Otherwise - we'll just be waiting until Jan 24th - it's 12 weeks and my grandmother's 99th birthday. Perfect day to share. I won't really be telling other people - they'll just have to see my tummy to figure it out. 

[pictureframe]

Originally Posted by Cecilia's Mama 

My rule of thumb is that I tell people early who are the people I would want to lean on if something went wrong.

This is what I follow as well!  As of right now, my mom and sis know, as well as a few friends.  We plan to tell the rest of the immediate family at Christmas, but not sure when we will make it 'public'. 

[Sol_y_Paz]

I don't know when I will make it public.  But I have already told close family members.

[texasfarmom]

I told close friends the day I got a positive and I told my mom (who told my dad) two days later. I have been cautious in the past, I didn't tell anyone but close friends the first two times I was pregnant, so no one even knew I had been pregnant and had two m/cs until we announced DD's pregnancy. This time we will be telling people as we see them. So many of my friends told me right away so I want to share with them right away as well. The more people who know, the greater the chance people may find out from others and be offended we didn't tell them, so it's no secret this time!

[ilovetchotchkes]

As soon as I see the heartbeat on an ultrasound i'm sharing. It'll probably be the only one I get this time. I MIGHT get the 20 week one, i'm not sure. Anyways I digress

I'm DYING. DYING to share, i'm seriously loosing my ever loving mind. 

[IntuitiveJamie]

It's so fun to tell, isn't it?

My concern in telling dh's family is that my bil just got remarried and they are going to try for a baby. Problem is, that his last marriage ended in big part b/c of infertility issues and the strife it brought to their relationship. Him and his new wife are both 40, so they potentially also have some things working against them. I really pray not b/c they are lovely, and his new wife adores children, and it's so clear she is meant to be a mom.  Anyways, I know how it was to have 2 babies during my bils last relationship and their infertility stuff. Not good, not happy (for them). I really really hope him and his new wife have no issues and can happily have babies along with me and dh. And I hope that no matter what happens with them, they can share in the joy of our new little bundle.  As I said, we will be sharing the news around Christmas.

[Love Wins]

I WISH our immediate family would keep it quiet.  But they won't.  Everyone knows us, especially my husband, so word will travel fast.  Plus, we have huge families (17 brothers and sisters between us), so word would get out.

Originally Posted by Ninetales 

I won't tell outside immediate family until the 12 week mark I think.

I have a not-so-fun family situation too.  My SIL wants kids, but her hubby isn't sure.  Every pregnancy in the family sends her into a depression.  It's hard because with DD #1 she said some hurtful things while I was pregnant (we've since worked them out) but I'm sure me having another baby will be very difficult for her.  Another one of my good friends just stopped all fertility treatments after over 3 years.  She just couldn't do it any longer.  I dread telling her too, and right before Christmas and everything.
 

Originally Posted by IntuitiveJamie 

My concern in telling dh's family is that my bil just got remarried and they are going to try for a baby. Problem is, that his last marriage ended in big part b/c of infertility issues and the strife it brought to their relationship. Him and his new wife are both 40, so they potentially also have some things working against them. I really pray not b/c they are lovely, and his new wife adores children, and it's so clear she is meant to be a mom.  Anyways, I know how it was to have 2 babies during my bils last relationship and their infertility stuff. Not good, not happy (for them). I really really hope him and his new wife have no issues and can happily have babies along with me and dh. And I hope that no matter what happens with them, they can share in the joy of our new little bundle.  As I said, we will be sharing the news around Christmas.

[IntuitiveJamie]

LoveWins- How will you tell those that are sensitive to the news?

It's a challenge, b/c I'm very happy to be pregnant, I really wanted this, so I want to tell people in really fun ways. But part of me feels like I should dial it down. But then part of me feels like, it's also our right to be excited. I don't actually think the news will be hard on anyone. Bil and Sill won't have even started trying until early next year. So I prob. shouldn't worry. But it's during the pregnancy and then by August if nothing has happened for them that may be a problem. However, I find my sil to be lovely and I will hold a lot of positive hope for them, always.

I hope those around you will be able to feel the joy for you and not have it completely open wounds for them.

[Ninetales]

I'm still dying to tell but J has convinced me to wait and do something fun at Christmas. How many times do you get an opportunity like that really? Plus that will make me over nine weeks which feels a little "safer."

[Love Wins]

I don't think I will tell my SIL ahead of time.  Part of her frustrations last time stemmed from me not telling her we were TTC and that she didn't even have a heads up. We aren't very close, so it blew me out of the water.  I don't think she has a right to demand know about our personal life.  She is hurting deeply because of her husband's hesitance, and I want to be sensitive to that.  However, even if I tell her a day or an hour before we gather for Christmas, she will be a crying mess and call my MIL to tell her.  So the surprise would be blown, and unfortunately my MIL masked her excitement for my last pregnancy when around this daughter, trying to protect her.  I don't think I can handle announcing the news and both of them being mopey because it's ME and not HER.  Every pregnancy announcement is like an opportunity for them to mourn. 

I may tell SIL(a day or two before Christmas) that we are ready for another baby, just to be as courteous as I can be and to give her a warning.  We rarely talk so I'm not sure how to communicate that to her without it being awkward and without her catching on and telling everyone.  My husband says not to tell her a thing.  He says his sister will just run with it either way.
 
With my friend that just quit all fertility treatments, I told her this summer that once my cycles returned, we would most likely try again.  I could tell she was upset, but I wanted her to know and be prepared.  I will most likely call her in the next few weeks. She is very trustworthy, so I know that information won't go anywhere.

It's nice that your SIL is such a wonderful person; hopefully good news will be theirs soon as well!  I agree, you should celebrate your pregnancy!  No need to tone it down.  Many people will rejoice with you!
 

Originally Posted by IntuitiveJamie 

LoveWins- How will you tell those that are sensitive to the news?

It's a challenge, b/c I'm very happy to be pregnant, I really wanted this, so I want to tell people in really fun ways. But part of me feels like I should dial it down. But then part of me feels like, it's also our right to be excited. I don't actually think the news will be hard on anyone. Bil and Sill won't have even started trying until early next year. So I prob. shouldn't worry. But it's during the pregnancy and then by August if nothing has happened for them that may be a problem. However, I find my sil to be lovely and I will hold a lot of positive hope for them, always.

I hope those around you will be able to feel the joy for you and not have it completely open wounds for them.

[justchanti]

I've told two close friends and that's it.  

I really want to tell my parents and brother, but I'm trying to wait until we're back in Oregon for Christmas as I think it will be more special to see their reactions in person.  We'll probably tell my husband's family during Christmas too, just over the phone since they live in California.  My husband and I are both nervous about telling my SIL as her and her husband have been TTC for the past year.  They knew we were going to start trying in November, but I doubt they believed we would conceive immediately.  I'm sure they will be happy, but I also worry they will feel extra pressure and sadness.  There's added strangeness too because both dh and I are 27 (with plenty of time to have a gaggle of children if we so choose), and SIL and BIL are 30 and 35, respectively (still young, but they give me the impression that they believe the clock is ticking stronger for them).  We're not really sure how to break the news.  To make matters worst, no one else in dh's family know we were even trying, but they all now sil is.  yikes.  The situation feels sticky.

Any advise?

[Love Wins]

Oh goodness, that is really hard!  Are you close with SIL and BIL?  Could you maybe give them forewarning?  That's what my friend who has struggled with fertility issues has asked of all her friends.  Just tell me privately and give me a chance to grieve and process.  That's why I'm telling her privately, a week or so before Christmas.
 

Originally Posted by justchanti 

I've told two close friends and that's it.  

I really want to tell my parents and brother, but I'm trying to wait until we're back in Oregon for Christmas as I think it will be more special to see their reactions in person.  We'll probably tell my husband's family during Christmas too, just over the phone since they live in California.  My husband and I are both nervous about telling my SIL as her and her husband have been TTC for the past year.  They knew we were going to start trying in November, but I doubt they believed we would conceive immediately.  I'm sure they will be happy, but I also worry they will feel extra pressure and sadness.  There's added strangeness too because both dh and I are 27 (with plenty of time to have a gaggle of children if we so choose), and SIL and BIL are 30 and 35, respectively (still young, but they give me the impression that they believe the clock is ticking stronger for them).  We're not really sure how to break the news.  To make matters worst, no one else in dh's family know we were even trying, but they all now sil is.  yikes.  The situation feels sticky.

Any advise?

[IntuitiveJamie]

Originally Posted by Love Wins 

I don't think I will tell my SIL ahead of time.  Part of her frustrations last time stemmed from me not telling her we were TTC and that she didn't even have a heads up. We aren't very close, so it blew me out of the water.  I don't think she has a right to demand know about our personal life.  She is hurting deeply because of her husband's hesitance, and I want to be sensitive to that.  However, even if I tell her a day or an hour before we gather for Christmas, she will be a crying mess and call my MIL to tell her.  So the surprise would be blown, and unfortunately my MIL masked her excitement for my last pregnancy when around this daughter, trying to protect her.  I don't think I can handle announcing the news and both of them being mopey because it's ME and not HER.  Every pregnancy announcement is like an opportunity for them to mourn. 

I may tell SIL(a day or two before Christmas) that we are ready for another baby, just to be as courteous as I can be and to give her a warning.  We rarely talk so I'm not sure how to communicate that to her without it being awkward and without her catching on and telling everyone.  My husband says not to tell her a thing.  He says his sister will just run with it either way.
 
With my friend that just quit all fertility treatments, I told her this summer that once my cycles returned, we would most likely try again.  I could tell she was upset, but I wanted her to know and be prepared.  I will most likely call her in the next few weeks. She is very trustworthy, so I know that information won't go anywhere.

It's nice that your SIL is such a wonderful person; hopefully good news will be theirs soon as well!  I agree, you should celebrate your pregnancy!  No need to tone it down.  Many people will rejoice with you!
 

That's tough and tbh, a bit selfish of your sil and mil. It doesn't sound like any way you spin it, it will come off positive. I sort of agree with your hubby. I absolutely feel empathy for your sil, but it doesn't sound like she can also think outside of herself a bit also. Sorry it may be a downer, but you and hubby do what you need to do to share your news in a positive, fun way. We support you here!

I'm glad that you will be able to have the ability to have a heart to heart with your good friend. I'm sure it won't be easy, but you are being so kind in your approach with everyone. That's very admirable.

[Ninetales]

Yeah, there's a difference between being sensitive and walking on eggshells. She's going to be upset no matter what and it's not right to make you feel bad because of your happy news. Sad as it is, the world doesn't stop because she is having trouble getting pregnant. Other people can't be expected to stop living their lives until she succeeds. I say tell, be happy, and let the chips fall where they may.

[IntuitiveJamie]

Originally Posted by justchanti 

I've told two close friends and that's it.  

I really want to tell my parents and brother, but I'm trying to wait until we're back in Oregon for Christmas as I think it will be more special to see their reactions in person.  We'll probably tell my husband's family during Christmas too, just over the phone since they live in California.  My husband and I are both nervous about telling my SIL as her and her husband have been TTC for the past year.  They knew we were going to start trying in November, but I doubt they believed we would conceive immediately.  I'm sure they will be happy, but I also worry they will feel extra pressure and sadness.  There's added strangeness too because both dh and I are 27 (with plenty of time to have a gaggle of children if we so choose), and SIL and BIL are 30 and 35, respectively (still young, but they give me the impression that they believe the clock is ticking stronger for them).  We're not really sure how to break the news.  To make matters worst, no one else in dh's family know we were even trying, but they all now sil is.  yikes.  The situation feels sticky.

Any advise?

I have found over time that when you are in doubt, short, kind and to the point is best. Don't assume how anyone is going to feel in the situation and go into some lengthy tirade. For example; "sil, I wanted to let you know that we are pregnant, I know this might be hard for you to hear and I hope it doesn't make you sad etc etc..."   Just simply say: "we are pregnant and very happy" Set people up for success. Don't point out what you think they might feel like. Then if the conversation continues and she/they do express some sadness, don't take it personally and let them know that you understand and honor that.  Or if a later conversation happens and you want to express that, I think that's wonderful. But I feel that initially just say what you need to say with an open heart and with best intentions of sharing your joyous news. Or just tell Mil and let it get around b/c it will. (not assuming your mil is a gabber, but usually news such as engagements and pregnancies get around in a family, yk?)

[justchanti]

Thanks everyone for the advise.  I really like the idea of setting people up fr success and not making assumptions.  I also like the idea of telling her personally before telling the rest of dh's family. 

I think I've been particularly nervous about all of this because my mil died of cancer two summers ago.  The family has been through a lot and I know sil has been in a lot of pain.  Ultimately I understand that this is joyful news and we should celebrate the fact with  all of our loved ones.  I just feel for her and sincerely hope they get happy news soon as well.

Thanks again!

[IntuitiveJamie]

I'm sorry to hear about your mil. That's sad.