Weekly chat Nov 28-Dec 5

[flavorfull1]

Hi everyone! Sorry for the delay, DS woke up with a fever last night and today was no better. Lots of clingy crying and not really any sleeping. Luckily, he is down at the moment.

Hope everyone is doing well, I swear I popped between yesterday and today. I will be 21 weeks tomorrow and all of a sudden my maternity pants are looking like something I would much rather wear!  How was everyone's thanksgiving?  Anyone do any crazy shopping on Friday?  

The inlaw visit was what I expected but it seems like I am getting better at just letting things go. It is stressful while they are here but I don't feel as stunned or shocked after they leave, just relieved. 

So I am curious to hear if the myth of desire to dtd and corresponding baby gender hold semi true in our group?  With DS I did not care to dtd at all, now, pg with dd, I think it is awesome and even if I don't think I am in the mood, DH can convince me easily. Plus, it feels way better than it did with DS's pg. Just me?

[kaismum]

We had an inlaw visit also. I love my MIL, but my SIL and BIL can be a challenge for me and they parent completely different from us, so it just all feels really tricky. I asked my MIL if she would come around when the baby is due and stay until after she makes her big arrival and she was really excited and said that she will for sure come. That makes me really happy, though I still have the issue of my own mother hanging over my head. 

I am much more interested in rolling in the hay this time than when pregnant with DS. Like 150% more interested and also easily convinced even if I wasn't feeling up to it and it is definitely way better. So many things are different this time. I don't know if it is a gender thing or just different pregnancies in general. With DS I was sick and felt crappy for most of the pregnancy and this time aside from being sleepy, as long as I eat well and enough I feel fine. My bump is also bigger, I guess that could be a second pregnancy thing though. This time is definitely better overall. 

[justKate]

Hmm, I don't know if the interest in DTD is related to anything.  I don't think DH and i DTD when I was pg with DD from like 25 weeks until she was 9 months old.    This time (and at this point in my marriage generally) I'm making more of an effort to be available to DH unless I really have a reason not to be--I feel more comfortable in my pregnant body this time, too, which helps.  So I try to accommodate him when possible, and he's not greedy.

My parents and all 3 living grandparents came to my house for the first time, EVER, this thanksgiving.  Well my parents have come but not my grandparents.  It was actually pretty nice, although I did end up giving up my bed for an air mattress.  No shopping, although I do have some returns and a gift card so I might do a little tomorrow if I get done with my appt in time (before DD's preschool is over at noon).

So speaking of appts, I had my u/s last Tuesday but have to go back for an appt tomorrow because I couldn't get them scheduled at the same time.  Hard to believe its been six weeks since I've seen a midwife!  But that's good, no need, really.  I'll be 21+4, I think?  Not sure what the objective of this visit is, but I guess it will be good to have my blood pressure taken (not that I couldn't do that at Walmart or whatever).

I guess I should be making a list of things to ask--any suggestions?

So far I can think of anything important:

--what is the appt schedule for the rest of the pg--how often will I be expected to come in?

--at what appts are the GBS swab and glucose tolerance test done?  (I know this is a ways out....)

What else?

[kbochniak]

Things are going well here.  We had a relatively quite Thanksgiving, must my DH and DS.  It was nice.  We ate plenty and have lots of leftovers.  I've been having a very hard time sleeping the last couple days despite being extremely tired.  I talked with my midwife today, who also happens to be a close friend and she recommended taking Valerian so I stopped by the healthfood store today and got some.  I hope it works well because I need my sleep.  DS will be two in a couple weeks and he keeps me VERY busy.  

Just Kate:  i do believe that the GTT is around 28 weeks and GBS is done at 36.  Good luck!  I always enjoy hearing the heartbeat and making sure my BP is fine at each meeting.  Plus I like chatting with the midwives, they genuinely seem to enjoy talking with me about the pregnancy.  

I hope everyone has a great week and continues to enjoy the 2nd trimester.

[chiromama01]

so our turkey day was great, nice and relaxing.  i left thursday night for birmingham (about 5 hours from me) to meet my best friend (who lives 5 hours the other side of birmingham) for some black friday deals!  we booked a hotel connected to a fantastic galleria and got lots of midnight shopping done without ever leaving the hotel! it was lots of fun and I'm glad I made the effort.  

so i'm facing a new challenge.  I've been so excited lately about moving to a bigger office and seeing my practice expand, but, the more I reflect, the more I realize how much I would truly like to stay home with my kids.  maybe one day I could have a home office, but i truly feel like I want more time with my dd and now, ds too.  It's difficult to even let myself think this considering the years of education I put in and the MANY more years of student loans I am still facing.  but if i'm completely honest, I want to stay home.  

currently , dh doesn't make enough to support the entire household.  he's applied for a different job, which would give us the financial freedom for me to stay home (eventually) but not right now.  

i don't know if there's a question in there or not, but if you've BTDT or have any thoughts for me, I'd love the hear them.  this is really starting to make my heart ache, knowing that I want something I likely can't have (anytime too soon!)

[adoremybabe]

Our Thanksgiving day was nice. We went to my mom's and while I prepared most of the food, it was still fun. Thanksgiving dinner with DH's family was yesterday. They also found out that I am pregnant! My 2 SIL's were congratulatory but my MIL completely ignored our announcement. To the point of me wondering if she even heard us. When she was asked she said, yes she heard us. I feel bad for DH. His mother isn't happy unless it's about her. Neither of DH's parents said congrats to us.

It's nice to be out and public now. It was fun to keep the secret for so long but I am  happy to show the world my growing belly. There are still a lot of friends and aquaintances that don't know but we are fine with them finding out through the rumor mill.

As for the sex of the babe correlating with the desire to DTD. I'll let you know after this one is born. With both boys I had hardly any desire. With DD I remember it being completely different. This time I am even more interested. It's fun cos you can't get pregnant when you are already pregant! Nothing to  "worry" about!

[csekywithlove]

Just a quick post before I get some sleep. I have thought about it long and hard, conversed with DH and Eleanor Rose is a go for a girl. We find out Wednesday, so the waiting won't be too long. I've been in the studio till midnight the past two nights and this cold is still kicking my pregnant butt. But on a lighter note, I did feel the baby do some crazy move while eating breakfast this morning. My dad said, "The baby loves Papaw's homemade biscuits and gravy!" Yes, my dad spoils me. I will post tomorrow when I get more time and feel a little more alive.

[autumngrey]

There seems to be a trend so far for girls = want to DTD. DH hopes for a boy, but this may be one more check in our predicting-a-girl column. We're not finding out until birth, though.

We had my parents and his parents and some other close family to our house for Thanksgiving this year. We've done it in the past and all the cooking/cleaning/whatever was so exhausting. Luckily I didn't have to ask anyone to help, they all just brought more food, cleaned more dishes, wiped more floors ... it was so unstressful and not overly exhausting (other than feeling the now-normal tired I've felt lately). The best kind of Thanksgiving.

One more week until my next appointment. The u/s!!! The last one was so short it was almost silly to go. Wait wait wait, pee in a cup, wait wait wait wait, weigh-BP-review vitamin list, 5 minutes with MW, wait for 15+ mins for scheduling next appointment, home. They didn't even mail out the UA results this time. As much as I don't want to do some of the later testing, I'm kindof looking forward for there to be more to do at these appointments other than wait. Glad to not have any complications, but it also seems so weird to have nothing to talk about. At the same time, kindof freaking out about the next appointment meaning I'm almost halfway there already!

Feeling frumpy right now. Enough so to mostly counteract my almost constant desire to DTD the past couple days. Trying to figure out a way to talk myself out of it and hoping if I can't, at least I'll "pop" and feel less chubby and more pregnant soon. It's not all bad--I'm up about 5# and DH is up about 15# so far this pregnancy so he's feeling "legitimately" bad about his physique. I thought I was witnessing the pop with my own two eyes yesterday morning, until I realized it was just a Braxton Hicks and it passed (and flattened back out) after a few seconds. Back to "normal." This whole pregnancy thing is like being my own science experiment sometimes. :-)

[adoremybabe]

I have been sooo grumpy these past few days. I must be a real treat to live with. I am sure that most of it is hormones but I also have an appt. with my OB today and I feel on edge about it. I will have to talk to him more about his concern with me having another big baby. Also, at the beginning of this pregnancy he made a suggestion to try and not gain too much weight. My previous pregnancies I gained 35, 37, and 40 lbs. I don't think that 40 lbs was a lot considering 20 of it was baby and other birth "stuff". It just irritates me. My old doc was much more lax about things. The weight thing has me on edge because During the last month I gained 6 lbs. I'm up 11 total. I know that's not a lot at all so I hate feeling so pressured. I suppose that I could MAKE myself get back on the eliptical
(I used it before pregnancy made me sick) but I just feel like I have other things that need to get done during that hour. Gah! An alcoholic beverage would help me loosen up with now but alas, not a good time for that.

Or maybe I'm uptight because my 2 and 4 year old have been PISTOLS at bedtime lately. Not leaving myself and DH any time together let alone for ourselves. I've been on the verge of letting it rip and screaming at DD (4) to get to bed and stay in bed. I haven't but I really want to. We heavily cosleep until 2 years of age and then transition to their own bed. I feel like DD should be able to fall asleep on her own because she has done so many times but she is just fighting it lately and gets really weepy.

Anywho, enough venting. I hope that you all have lovely days.

[dealic]

Well I may be breaking this trend. I am pregnant with a girl, and my poor husband has only gotten sex a few times since conception.... and its looking like he won't again...  I completely and utterly lost my sex drive. Now I am willing (though not really interested) but we haven't found a way that works. Poor guy.

[Thursday Girl]

Autumngray- what kind of midwife practice is it? % minutes with the midwife sounds like OB type visits.

adoremybabe- I feel you on the kid thing, mine are all being especially difficult. I mean I guess it makes sense there is a lot going on with us right now,

I'm on the edge, we had fleas infest our house, the 2 big girls went away for thanksgiving with my sister and mom.  I am just completely overwhelmed.  Hubs works 12+ hours a day and I don't really have any help with the kids at all. The house stresses me out between fleas the unfinished and unsafe back room and just general feelings of where is everyone going to fit. I go between being proud of what I can make do with and just wanting to scream I want to f-ing buy something already! (so no, no black friday shopping for me.) You have all caught me in a mood, last night i decided everything was just too much and an argument/discussion with DH just netted the same as always. I am over reacting, nothing can change and he doesn't know what I want. I should stop  complaining and offer a solution. (except I did, he just doesn't like it). So I am feeling pretty stuck taking care of the kids by myself with very little help and no finanical resources.  Thinking I am going to cut the kids Christmas lists down to a lot less and hopefully be able to get them their wants for their birthdays.

as for sex-  I have always really enjoyed sex with Hubs while pregnant once the 2nd trimester hits anyway and I am not sick all the time.  it's just awesome doing it knowing that this is how you made the baby. He doesn't ever initiate sex, so I have always jumped him  often once 2nd trimester hits. Which I WAS doing until, well the weight of what's happening in our relationship hit home and I just have no desire to do anything with him. Which is fine for him, I don't think he cares, and in any case I don't think he is attracted to pregnant women because later in pregnancy it gets hard to get him to do anything.

god he's really not a terrible guy, just a bit clueless and thinks hard work alone will make everything okay. If he can just work harder things will work out,

cseky- glad you are sticking with Eleanor Rose, I LOVE it.

Edited by Thursday Girl - 11/29/11 at 6:16am

[csekywithlove]

Originally Posted by dealic 

Well I may be breaking this trend. I am pregnant with a girl, and my poor husband has only gotten sex a few times since conception.... and its looking like he won't again...  I completely and utterly lost my sex drive. Now I am willing (though not really interested) but we haven't found a way that works. Poor guy.

I lost my sex drive after my last miscarriage. I was just starting to get it back and DH was very happy, then of course we got pregnant. Now he doesn't even pester me about it. He tells me he loves me everyday and makes a point to do other things like, cuddling, and low key displays of affection. We have both been so scared about loosing this baby (two spotting scares) that we haven't even wanted to have sex. This may change in the next few months, but either way DH has been great about this.

Don't feel bad, hormones change.... Then they change again. 

[dealic]

Originally Posted by csekywithlove 

I lost my sex drive after my last miscarriage. I was just starting to get it back and DH was very happy, then of course we got pregnant. Now he doesn't even pester me about it. He tells me he loves me everyday and makes a point to do other things like, cuddling, and low key displays of affection. We have both been so scared about loosing this baby (two spotting scares) that we haven't even wanted to have sex. This may change in the next few months, but either way DH has been great about this.

Don't feel bad, hormones change.... Then they change again. 

Thanks. My husband has been great about it. But I know its hard on him. We do cuddle a lot, and he is so sweet to me all the time. He loves spoiling me and little doing things for me. I just would like to figure out the pregnant sex thing for him. Well we will keep trying.

[RosieL]

I love Eleanor Rose. :) 

Courtney - Sorry you're going through a rough patch with DH and the added stress of difficult finances/house space/big girls gone off out of state.

[adoremybabe]

Courtney - Hang in there! You are dealing with a lot right now. Be gentle on yourself. Tackle one thing at a time.

I just got back from my appointment. It went well. My mood has me feeling really uptight and very on edge so I am sure that I came across as somewhat crazy but oh well. They deal with pregnant women all the time right?

My doc said, "Your body, your choice." As far as possibly inducing because of an over due big baby. He told me that he will be as hands off as I need him to be and we both agree that when the time comes, we will only do what is medically necessary. I am REALLY happy that he is taking into account the fact that I ovulated late and know the exact day that I conceived. My ultrasound even put me right on top of that day. Yay!

On an other note, The gal that drew my blood for a titer test put some insane tape over the poke hole. I always take it off when I get home because it gets very irritating to my skin. Well, I ripped skin right off. I was injured more by the tape than the poke. I know that i have little tolerance lately but for goodness sakes. Can't anyone get anything right????? :)

[Mom2SammyJoe]

We must be having another boy. We DTD all the time while I was expecting DD, but now, not so much. I tried to make up for it this weekend, but now I am set for awhile.

I saw my midwife today. I just love her. I showed her the digital photo album with my birth story in it from DD's birth, and I thought she was in tears. I don't see her again for another 7 weeks because she is flying to New Mexico to catch her grandbaby, which is awesome, but I will miss her.

I am still measuring 4 weeks ahead, but we had a u/s and we know there is only one baby and my dates are right on. My last 2 kids were 7lb 15oz and 7lb 14oz. I wonder if this one is going to take after his father.  My MW even said that during my last labor she knew everything would be fine if baby didn't have DH's head!

adoremybabe- great news from your doctor! It sounds lke you found someone who will really work with you!

ThursdayGirl- I don't exactly know what you are going through, but I can relate to some of it.We are also trying to empty out our gated off backrooms to make more space for more people. After the kids go to bed, I am spent. But DH just realized I am due 2 weeks sooner than he thought, so now he is really focusing on working on these rooms. We have been moving stuff from the basement to the garage so we can put stuff from the backroom into the basement. Last night he ripped up carpet after the kids went to bed. We love our kids. We want out kids. But they wear me out, and I just want to put on jammies and talk to a grown up. (I also really want another bedroom...)

[southernfriedkarma]

Between DP's sinus surgery last Wednesday and Thanksgiving weekend, I completely missed last week's weekly thread.  I cooked a lot of food but got to skip the intensive house cleaning because we ate lunch at my parents' house and dinner with friends.  I think I popped at the beginning of last week, so it was nice for everyone to see my belly.  I think my parents are genuinely happy for us, and my sister seems happy if indignant that we aren't telling her the sex or name of the baby in advance.  My grandfather turned 90 on thanksgiving, but he's completely ignoring the baby for now.  

I'm 21+5 now, and DP felt baby kick for the first time last night.  I'm been feeling the circus in my belly for a while, but it's nice to finally be able to share the feeling. DP got out a flashlight and baby immediately started kicking at the light on my belly.  The babe also loves to "dance" to organ music - how fun!

Chiromama - I completely understand your desire to stay home with the little ones.  I have always loved having a FT job, but my job is starting to wear on me in ways that it never has.  DP is willing to discuss me changing my work arrangements, but I'm not sure if this is just a nesting impulse or if I'd be happy leaving my job in the long term.  Since our insurance is through my job, I'm definitely staying put until baby is born, though!  

[Thursday Girl]

oh man I would love another bedroom. we have 2 right now and a back room that used to be a bedroom but is currently not livable it's lacking things like a ceiling (the roof is on though, but two spots leak), parts of the floor and parts of the wall. Once upon a time it was supposed to get finished before the baby was born. The baby will be 3 in February. The money we were supposed to use to fix it up had to be spent fixing up the part of the kitchen floor that rotted through. Since we can get by without the back room but we can't get by without a kitchen. so yeah, that's sometimes stressful and sometimes I can ignore it.

adoremybabe, glad it went so well with the doctor!

momtosammyjoe- do you know how much your husband weighed when he was born?

[justKate]

Quote:

Originally Posted by chiromama01 

so i'm facing a new challenge.  I've been so excited lately about moving to a bigger office and seeing my practice expand, but, the more I reflect, the more I realize how much I would truly like to stay home with my kids.  maybe one day I could have a home office, but i truly feel like I want more time with my dd and now, ds too.  It's difficult to even let myself think this considering the years of education I put in and the MANY more years of student loans I am still facing.  but if i'm completely honest, I want to stay home.  

currently , dh doesn't make enough to support the entire household.  he's applied for a different job, which would give us the financial freedom for me to stay home (eventually) but not right now. 

Well since you asked...   I'm completely torn about the work/kids conundrum too.  I got married in my 3rd year of law school and have had low-paying (well low for lawyers) government jobs since.  I like the work.  I don't want to work more than 40 hours/week.  I don't think I realized when i was going to school that I was going to be paying a HUGE amount of student loans...its ridiculous.  Between the two of us (DH is an MBA), we have $1900 in MINIMUM payments going out in student loans each month. 80% of that is mine.  So after this baby is born, I need to go back to work...I'm going to try to hold off for six months or so, but we will really be broke by then.  I've been a SAHM since May of this year. And we've done all of the deferrments/income-sensitive adjustments/consolidations.  No amount of saving can come up with an extra $1900/month. 

So for me, the plan is to stay home until next fall, and then find a job that pays enough to cover daycare for two and our student loans.  DH believes that within four years we should have my high interest rate loans paid down enough (and he'll be making more money, hopefully) that I should be able to stay home after that or work part-time, if I want.  So its not ideal, but it helps a lot to know that I've (finally) had a year off with DD, and I'll have more time off with this baby than I did with DD. And I think its right for the entire family.  And its only a four (maybe five?) year plan.  At that point if I want more kids, I won't be "too old"...although I'm strongly encouraging DH to do something permanent after this baby is born.  Life is one of those things though; all you can really do is plan and hope.  Not sure if any of that helps, but that's where I am!

Quote:

Originally Posted by southernfriedkarma 

Between DP's sinus surgery last Wednesday and Thanksgiving weekend, I completely missed last week's weekly thread. 

What sort of sinus surgery did your DP have?  DH had sinus surgery in '08 and again last winter.  It was pretty bad.  They basically opened up his sinuses so that he has no structure in there.  They also removed his tonsils, adnoids, and uvula.  Funny to watch him try to drink from a water fountain.  He has allergic fungal sinusitis--its bad.  Like going to kill him eventually by eating through his brain cavity.  But we don't talk about that part.  Hope your DP is recovering well, let me know if you want to chat about it.

[chiromama01]

Thanks JustKate, I know what you mean about not understanding the magnitude of the loan payments until Sallie Mae comes a knockin!!! Right now I pay about 1K a month in loans, and thats JUST from MY graduate degree.  dh and I have no loans from undergrad, so it's kinda crazy.  And you're right, no amount of saving can produce an extra grand or two a month.  we're kind of on a similar five year plan.  dh will *hopefully* be in a much better paid position come next year (he's in the interview process right now), and even thought the first few years at that job aren't enough to support us completely, in about 3-5 years, he should be making enough to support the family and then I can stay home....it just seems so far away...ho hum... it is what it is I guess...thanks for sharing!