I don't know anything about pregnancy and am 23 weeks pregnant. Advice?

[simplegirl11]

hi my name's Cameron Jackie. I am 23 wks pregnant. I have wanted an abortion but all clinics said I was too far along. So I have really felt alone. I haven't told anyone really I'm pregnant. My family doesn't know and the guy we were kind of seeing each other I was stupid. I thought he was hot and I guess I thought maybe if we dated long enough he'd decide he'd want me but he was I knew already gay and his boyfriend and he have been together since I was in 6th grade. I don't know it was stupid but he said he loved me. Well shortly after he dumped me I found out I was pregnant. I kind of ignored it and well I have tried to self abort it because I thought I needed my parents consent and my parents can't afford I don't have a job or money. Nobody really and still I'm pregnant these past 4 days I started to get a bump. I went to other states to ask if I could doesn't seem likely. I'm only 15 I fear my mom will kick me out otherwise. And I don't know what to do at all. How can I raise a baby when I don't have nothing for it. I also don't really love it or feel nothin when it moves. I just feel like I'm too young for this. Adoption also I don't know about. Just am confused what I'm gonna do advice?

[Kindermama]

Welcome to Mothering. My first advice would be for you to edit your post and remove your last name as mothering.com posts do show up in google searches and I worry about your confidentiality. 

My next advice is to go to Planned Parenthood. They will direct you to proper prenatal care, most likely at no cost through Medicaid.  It's really important that you do that as soon as possible in order to protect your health as well as your baby's. They can also help counsel you as far as adoption vs raising your baby. It does sound like adoption would be a good option for you but it's not a decision you have to make today. That can wait. The biggest priority is checking out your health and your baby's health. 

Do you have any friends that you can trust? A school counselor? A family member or friend of family? You need all the support you can get so you can make the best decision on how to move forward. It's a huge decision to make at 15 years old. Keeping your pregnancy a secret any longer is just going to make it harder for you emotionally.  Has your mom kicked you out before? If not, I think you'll be surprised just how supportive your family can be. 

[simplegirl11]

yeah my parent don't have no money really. They wouldn't allow it in their house. They would rather me abort or leave and so I'd have to leave. I know that's the only option. I'm also looking into prenatal care because I'm a minor I didn't know I could go with my parent's consent.

[LionessMom]

being pregnant changes everything. you can go to DHS and planned parenthood yourself. i had my first baby at 19. they can help you live somewhere if you become homeless too.

[aeterna]

Well, unfortunately, as you've already found out, it's a bit late to consider abortion. And while I have BTDT and I do completely understand what you're feeling, I would strongly advise against any further attempts to self-abort. Mother Nature can be decidedly cruel, and babies will stick when you don't want them to (and don't when you do!) - so you're really only like to end up hurting yourself or the baby. And, while I know you don't have any feelings for the baby right now, if you end up adopting or keeping, it would make things a whole lot easier on the baby (and, possibly, you) to have as healthy a kiddo as possible. Y'know?

What state are you in? There might be some "teen mother" homes you can look into, if your parents decide you're not welcome in their home and you don't have anywhere else to go.

Your best bet, honestly, is to talk to your parents. They're gonna find out eventually! ;) and you could really use their help figuring out how to resolve this situation. You may be well-served to look into adoption at this time... you can call the state child services department and ask for recommendations on foster/adoption centers in your area, there are lots of nice couples hoping to adopt a baby. =)

[simplegirl11]

I'm not too late there are just no appointments open in time for me


south dakota

my parents won't help but I guess I'll tell my mum tm.....

[aeterna]

Well, abortion is legal in South Dakota until 24 Weeks, but requires a counseling session, then a 24-hr waiting period, and while you don't need your parents' consent, you do have to notify them. If you're already at 23 Weeks, and don't have the cash on hand for the procedure (later abortions can be quite expensive) .... Yes, it is too late.

Your parents may not want to help but it's not like you'll get away with them never finding out, so, there's really no way around this one, y'know?

Talk to them, and figure out together what the best option for you is, right now. Let us know what you decide, and maybe we can help from there. Good luck!

[simplegirl11]

the only place I found who does it only goes up 13 wks. And the states around couldn't do it either I would be fine to tell my parent then but nowhere seems possible why I'm scared to tell.

[Imakcerka]

Heres the thing, this too shall pass.  Right now it's the scariest thing you can imagine.  However once you tell your parents then you'll know for sure how it will play out with them.  Maybe, just maybe they will help you.  If not them do you have other family that would or could help you get through this? 

Good luck

[simplegirl11]

Originally Posted by Imakcerka 

Heres the thing, this too shall pass.  Right now it's the scariest thing you can imagine.  However once you tell your parents then you'll know for sure how it will play out with them.  Maybe, just maybe they will help you.  If not them do you have other family that would or could help you get through this? 

Good luck

I told my sister....

[simplegirl11]

jackie's my middle name...

[Kindermama]

At this point, if you're willing to go through an abortion, I recommend giving birth in 4 months and allowing a stable couple to adopt your baby. An abortion this late in the game has its risks, both physically and emotionally. I've been there before (but with an early first trimester abortion) and I would never do it again. With an adoption, the adoptive parents would pay for your medical care. 

There are crisis centers and/or adoption centers available to pregnant teens around the country. If you send me a private message (click on my username), I'll help you connect with someone in your area who can help you. 

I do think you should tell your parents but have some sort of plan in place before you do. You need to know your options. You might even want to make the decision yourself and just let them know what your plan is. I would definitely have a back-up plan for where you could stay should they kick you out (God-willing, I hope they don't!). Again, the crisis centers can help you come up with a plan! 

Give your baby a chance even if you don't want to raise him or her. He or she has made it all the way to 23 weeks. He/she looks fully human but is of course tiny! I know this feels like the scariest thing you could possibly go through but you will get through this time. It, of course, sounds so much easier to get rid of your baby but remember, you will become an adult someday and you want to look back at this time and feel you made the best decision possible. You cannot make that decision until you know all your options! 

[brneyedmama]

Although it may seem unfair and terrifying, it does seem as though it's too late for an abortion, and I too agree with previous posters that attempts at self-aborting is a very dangerous idea at this point.  I've had multiple friends who had babies in their mid-teens and although they expected their parents to disown them -it never happened!  In fact, most of them are incredibly proud grandparents at this point.  They will of course be shocked and upset at first, but they wont be mad forever, and they will eventually find out.  Plus, this isn't a secret that's healthy to be keeping anyway. Previous posters have given you very good advice about where to go for support and medical attention which you should definitely do.  There are tons of wonderful families out there just waiting to provide a loving home for a little baby, so there are options for you.  Please go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow and perhaps bring your mom with you?  Good Luck!

[Belia]

Hi OP- Couldn't read and not post.  Did you talk to your parents today?  How did it go?

Just want you to know that I'm thinking about you. 

[Dot-to-Dot]

I can't honestly say that I can relate...but my heart goes out to you and I understand how scared you are.  You're still young and the decisions you have before you are not the kind of decisions meant for a child to make.  This is a lot of pressure on you and I'm so sorry.  Did you ever watch Teen Mom on MTV?  The story of Catelynn and Tyler is very inspiring.  You can look through lots of profiles of lovely couples who are desperate for a baby but can't conceive.  You can have an open adoption and still have contact with these people (and the baby).  You'd still get pictures and stories and videos and possibly get to spend time with the baby still.  You are right, you are not ready or equipped to parent.  I had my first baby when I was 30 and I had loads of supportive family members and it was still an incredible challenge.  Choosing adoption would be an amazing gift and if you want the adoption to be open, you could witness how the gift of two stable parents would benefit this sweet little soul.  Eventually, you will come to love this child, but sadly, love is not enough.  Look up some old episodes on mtv.com of catelynn. As an experienced mother who's been through what you're about to go through, unless you have a lot of money and family support, I couldn't recommend anything other than adoption.  If you don't choose adoption, you may want to look up the average cost of a baby in the first 6 months (diapers, formula, daycare, etc - unless you intend to breastfeed which can often take a good support system in the beginning in which case you'll have to buy a pump (pricey) if the baby is in daycare all day while you work And you'll have to pump breastmil throughout your work shift) and then start saving EVERY penny you have starting TODAY.

Good luck sweetie.  This can be a scary thing even to women who are ready and who have supportive husbands, so I can only imagine how frightened you are. You CAN get through this though and whatever you decide, you won't be the first so try to seek out a support group.

[Kindermama]

Still thinking of you and sending you strength, courage and hope. You will get through this time. I know it's scary. I know it hurts. I know what that fear feels like. It feels like it's the end of the world. It's not. You're going to be okay. Please tell someone who can support you in person. Big hugs!