Well, so what a crazy couple of days.
Sunday, there was a feast at my house. I slaughtered five rabbits, had a 22 pound turkey and my brother slaughtered a lamb and made a smoker to smoke the leg of the lamb out behind my house. Curried cauliflower, curried chick peas, saffron rice, roasted asparagus and various other veggie delights and more naan than you could throw in a river. We had a giant cake, shaped like a sweater, complete with boobies. Syrian cigars(YUM!), russian tea cakes, cup cakes.....it was a true feast.
I cannot describe the level of intense work that I put into this party. Having twenty people (not counting kids) in your home can feel like a lot and you want to be ready, you know? Plus, I had to turn the house into a festive, winter wonderland. It was so beautiful, but I had to do some CRAZY things to get it that way. Stringing white christmas lights EVERYWHERE...I was jumping down from high places, I moved all my upstairs loft furniture down...and my downstairs up. I designed and helped me husband build a 16 ft long, 4 ft wide and 12 inch high banquet table and was just moving it all around and trying to get everything right.
I WAY overdid it. My back was SCREAMING at me. I though "wow, my back hurts" - it didn't even occur to me that it was terrible cramps. It was so paindful...completely ignored my body screaming at me to slow down. :(
So, the day of the feast, the party goers arrive, everyone is in awe of the beautiful decorations and yummy appetizers. I'm in my glory. GLORY people! I'm cooking like a mad woman. Everything is done and I'm about to carve the turkey....I feel a gush in my pants "shit, I peed myself" I think. I have EVERYONE in the kitchen, we're all bustling around and busy and I say "I need to go use the bathroom, let's light candles and start getting people rounded up, it's time to eat!
I go to the bathroom. It's not pee. It's blood, gushing out of me all over the floor and in my pants, down my legs, etc. My sister was outside the door, I call to her "get DH" and she does. He comes in the bathroom "Um, I'm gonna get my mom". MIL comes in, takes one look...and says what I already know but can't bring myself to say "we need to go, NOW". I bleed more on the toilet, then pull up my blood soaked pants, now with a towel in them, and slip out the front door, grabbing my coat to sit on on the way out.
Long story short. ER finds fetal tones. Cervix is closed. Ultrasound shows bouncing baby doing flips. Bleeding is still heavy. "Threatened Miscarriage, stay off your feet" they say. I get home past 8pm. I'm devastated...I'm sure that my baby will die and pass in the night or coming days. My cramps are still off the charts. Totally and completely missed the whole party I made. My DH did his best to keep things together and the party was a real success....but everyone was so worried about me.
I happen to have an appointment for an ultrasound scheduled for the next day (yesterday) and I kept that appointment...boy was I glad. That ultraound tech was AMAZING and totally deviated from the order that was sent ("rule out twin pregnancy") and instead did a whole work up. Checking my placenta, measuring every part of the baby. Checking blood flow in the placenta, babys heart....everywhere and everything was checked out. EVERYTHING. I didn't even care about the extended exposure to ultrasound. I walked in there so freaking scared...she was able to locate the bleed that the ER couldn't see (she had much better imagining tech) and they were able to tell me that everything is absolutely perfect with the baby and that I really, really need to slow down. My placenta is great, everything looks fine...the bleed is small now and right on top of my cervix.
Looking back at everything I'd been doing to prepare for this party, I feel so stupid. I was pushing it so hard and ignoring every signal my body was sending me. My family have all banded together and are taking turns coming here over the next couple of weeks to help me and make sure I'm off my feet. I'm so blessed for the family I have and for my awesome midwife, who was SO amazing through all of this...having a midwife does rock, for the fact that you can just call her, on her cell and reach her immediately, etc. She was so great.
So.....still bleeding. It's definitely better though and the u/s tech yesterday told me I would still bleed and showed me where it was coming from, which totally helps, psychologically. Totally taking it easy...obsessively looking at all of these amazing pictures of my little one and so glad that my body gave me a strong warning instead of a tragic ending to this surprise baby that is now COMPLETELY and desperately wanted by everyone in our family.
Take it easy ladies. Blood gushing out of me like that, was the scariest thing I've ever seen. It was SO intense, just SO much blood, the initial gushing was scary as HELL. I was instantly convinced that my baby had passed. I've never felt desperation like that. I am humbled and I will be letting people take care of me (a hard thing for me to do).
Be easy on yourselves, women, stay off your feet and take care. I've always been one to charge ahead and stay really busy through pregnancy. I was too busy this time...I really pushed the limit. That shit is OVER. I am seriously so humbled by this you guys, I feel so stupid for all the signs I ignored and all the help I needed in preparing for this party that I didn't ask for. I can't believe I was doing things that put my pregnancy at risk. UGH UGH UGH. I really think everything is going to be okay, but I'm still pretty shook.