My story is kinda long....but I will do my best to make this short.
At 20 weeks we went to find out the sex of our baby. They sent us to L&D and explained I was in labor and 4cm dilated and would likely lose this baby. I laid in L&D for a week before being sent to High Risk. Everyone expected the baby to come, my water broke at 23 weeks, and he was born at 24 weeks and 5 days.
He spent 117 days in the Nicu. I saw him almost everyday. We just brought him home last week. I look at him and I think total miracle. He is so lucky to be alive and not a single issue with him, other than ROP and small lung issues. How lucky and blessed are we. I love him because I know all that he has been through and what I went through with him.
When he was born, I didn't even really see him before he was carried away. I didn't hold him for a month after he was born. Now he is home and I don't feel attached to him at all. I feel like he is someone else's baby boy and I am entrusted to care for him. I am doing my best to hold him and love him but the bonding isn't coming like I hoped it would.
With my first baby girl, I was so in love. I couldn't bare to be away from her. I never put her down and I hated to hear her cry. I feel so bad that I don't feel the same about my son. What is wrong with me? I'm not depressed. I thrilled he is home and alive but I didn't expect to feel so much like he isn't mine.
Please tell me this will change. Anyone out there have a Nicu baby who they spent 4 months away from?