The title says it all. How I feel almost every single day.
I have an 8 mo old that doesn't sleep, mostly his naps. It's not a "sleep regression", he's not teething, he doesn't have reflux, I have a white noise machine, I've tried wearing him more times than I can count (he hates it, also I have a 4 year old who will NOT be quiet no matter how many times we talk about it), he doesn't fall asleep in the car, he's too big for our swing, I've read "No Cry Sleep Solution". I feel like I've tried it ALL. His eyes are only halfway open, he has bags under his eyes, and they are red. It's been like this for 4 months. He nurses to sleep, wont' fall asleep any other way, and when I lay him down he instantly wakes up and cries. Oh, he might sleep for 20 min but then wakes up and is wide awake.
In the meantime, I have a 4 year old who sits in front of the TV during the 2-3 hours I spend EVERY DAY trying to get my baby to sleep. She sits there feeling sad that mommy won't play with her and rotting her brain in front of the TV. I try to give her whole foods but most of the time it's a sandwich or mac and cheese because I have no energy to do anything else.
Since my 8 month old also only sleeps at night for 1.5-3 hours at night too, I am exhausted. I haven't showered in 4 days, haven't brushed my teeth since yesterday AM, haven't even gotten dressed (and it's past 11am). In 3 hours I need to at least have put the perishable food away from breakfast because then I have to work for 7 hours until 10:30pm. My husband and I tag-team parent to keep kids out of daycare so I don't get a chance to take a break tonight, and since I work from home even my breaks at work are used to nurse or try to bond with my 4 year old since she's contantly in front of the TV.
On the plus side, today as of 11am I've been up for 6 hours and have yet to yell at a kid or slam a cupboard door. I did kick the fan we use as a white noise machine but no one saw that and I did not yell.
Sigh. I'm sorry to vent. Days like today I lament picking up "Dr Sears Attachment Parenting" book 4 years ago. I have made so many of my parenting decisions based on AP principles but at this point I feel like all it's done is made my life as hard as it could possibly be. I don't know what to do other than want to cry myself into a hyperventilating ball of craziness.