potty learning an almost 3 yr old: just wait and see or give a gentle push

[iheartwren]

I have one very stubborn girl who refuses to sit on the potty (screaming tantrum if we suggest it and if we try to set her on-- back arching full body tantrum so we don't really do that) and has never gone on the potty.  She will be 3 in 3 months.  I am not sure if I should just wait and hope she will one day or if we should give her a gentle push and take away her diapers.  We sort of did this once in  a few months back with no luck.  She got very anxious and had lots of accidents and in a week and never once made it into the potty. This girl can hold her pee in for a very long time and so she would only go a couple of times a day outside, all over the floor but never in the potty.  I feel torn about how to approach this next.  We even tried some rewards:  stickers/chocolate chips to just get her to sit on the potty but that did not work.  Any suggestions would be much appreciated...

Thanks

[pranava]

I have similar issues going on here with my 2.5 year old boy.  I've been reading articles on resistance to potty training all day.  The common thread in them all is give the child all the power.  Put the potty where she is the most - even if it's in the living room.  Tell her it is her pee and her poop, that it belongs in the potty and it is up to her to get it there.  Then put her in cloth diapers or undies and don't ever tell her she has to go or remind her that it's time.  Just occasionally set out a favorite treat or toy or video and say "this is for when you go pee in your potty".  Then if she has accidents, don't give it any undue attention.  Take her to the bathroom and let her take off the wet clothes and put on dry clothes as much as she can. 

Let me know if you try this.  I think I'm going to start with this tonight and see what happens.  DS is in cloth diapers and he now takes them off if he pees.  But, I think I've been harassing him too much.  He is a stubborn one and I'm sure he will only do this once he thinks I don't care.

[iheartwren]

This sounds like a good idea and I am willing to try just about anything. I like that it gives her the power and takes the stress off of us. What kind of great or toys are you thinking of using? Keep me updated on how it goes for you.  I think we will try the same thing.

[Bekka]

Our biggest issue is that we are.never.consistently.anywhere.  We are all over our house, on 3 levels, she has 4 older siblings and we're constantly going places for them, especially in the afternoon/evening.  We can get 2-3 hours consistently at home about 2x per week.  Maybe more on a Sunday afternoon, when she's napping anyhow.  I mean 2-3 hours when she's awake.  But her older (5 yo) sister finally did it, so I guess she will too.  :)

[pranava]

Consistency is really hard for us too.  We are always on the go and 5 days a week I'm away at work for 10 hours.  That means I have about 1.5 waking hours in the morning and then about 3 in the evening.  We're going on day 2 of the plan to transfer all power to DS.  It's so hard for my not to remind him to go.  But amazingly he has sat down on the potty 3 times by himself - OK, once he still had all his clothes on and none of those times has he actually gone potty.  I put out a few treats that I call big boy prizes - they are for big boys who go potty all by themselves.  I mention the prizes once in the morning and once at night and leave them where he can see them.  But boy he is stubborn.  Dry diaper this morning and then he held it until I dropped him off at daycare.  That's 12 hours!!!  I'm crossing my fingers for a break through over the weekend.  I can say that it's nice to have the pressure off me.  It makes our interactions more pleasant overall.