This is my first post, I have read through so many other posts on here but cant find anything that reflects my situation so I'm going to have to ask directly. I'm not sure about these abbreviations so if I get some wrong - apologies!!
My hubby (dh?) and I have been married nearly 13 years, when we first met he told me he had a son, and 3 months previously there had been a big row with his ex wife and he wasnt having any contact with him at the time. (his ex-wife is a b***h, I know I will be biased but the stories I could tell you...honestly)
This situation continued, and despite getting solicitors involved, he has had no contact with his son for 13 years....The ex-wife moved, hid the child, changed his name illegally, twice! but kept in touch with my husbands family, having involved them in the row back in 1999 and pulling a real number on them. Its very complicated, the ex wifes best friend is my dh's sister, who lost a baby boy and IMHO took my hubby's son as a replacement in her mind, my hubby isnt perfect (who's is?) but he is a fantastic father, we have 2 girls ourselves now aged 11 and 9 and this lack of contact with his son has been incredibly difficult for him.
Now we come to September, the son was 16 in August, and via the joys of facebook I managed to contact him. NO-ONE knows we are in contact, and he wants to come live with us. Imagine how it felt to hear him say how miserable he has been all these years. His mother told him that his dad was dead, she is a drug user, claiming state benefits whilst working from home, has now got 2 more kids, (thats 4 kids to 3 dads now...) he has no bedroom, is expected to sleep on the sofa whilst the 2 kids with her current partner are favoured (i do know this has come from a 16 year old and they see things their own way but....) he has never had pocket money, been physically abused,,, the list is endless.
I am in contact with my dh's mum, and she has confirmed some of this. Now his son wants to live with us, we talk every day on the phone, via video calling on facebook, text messages, he has started calling me mum, expresses his dislike for his own mum in no uncertain terms and cannot wait to come here and get to know his Dad for the first time in his life.
BTW - suprisingly my MIL is in favour of him coming here, she thinks it would be a good idea for him to get to know his Dad, its a shame she hasnt wanted to 'rock the boat' (her words, not mine) any earlier but.... She does not know that he wants this too, it just so happens we were talking on the phone the other day and she brought the subject up.. remarkable coincidence!
I can handle the family, I can even handle the ex-wife, legally as he is 16 and no residency order was ever put in place for him he can come and live here without retribution. What I cant do is even begin to know how to parent him..
I have girls aged 9 & 11, they have had so much more than he has had, what if he resents them?
I have no idea how to care for a 16 year old young man?
From talking over the last 3 months he seems adorable, lonely, sad and in desperate need of love and affection - how do I love and care for him without it seeming like I'm taking over?
I have this idealistic view that I will feel exactly the same about him as my girls but what if I don't?
My head is about to explode...... This post is very long so I am sorry if it is out of the ordinary, I really would appreciate any advice.