I'm back again-and SCARED to death!

[hsmamato2]

By back,I mean back here visiting this forum...... A while back,I posted some questions about adoption. Well, it's been about 2 years since I started thinking about adopting,and I am finally ready to move forward. I am so SCARED. I forced myself to call the social worker today (state) and set up an appt. for a house visit.

  She said it was checking for general safety,etc,and to ask us what our goals are. I have an 18 yr. old,and a 12 yr. old too. Will she question the kids? or just me and DH?   How will I ever clean my house that well? what if my garage and back basement are big old storage mess?(they are) what if my yappy dog won't settle down? (she always does,in time)

    Please help me with some calming advice!!!!! I want to do this so much,but this is terrifying. We are seeking to adopt from the state system,not foster. Which means nothing will move that fast for us,I'm sure,and I'm ok with that too. help a crazy mama move forward please!

[queenjane]

I've been through a couple of homestudies/family assessments. I enjoyed them. Everyone freaks out and cleans and is worried and thinks they will be denied, but afterwards almost always people say hey that wasnt bad, it was fun, she didnt even look in that closet/drawer/room i cleaned!

You should look at it less like a judgement visit, and more like the worker is having a dialogue with you about adoption, about your goals, any stuff you need to work on etc. Sometimes there are two visits, sometimes she comes out first in a get to know you kind of thing, and then more in depth later. Sometimes you have endless questions on paper to answer and sometimes instead the worker just does that verbally.

I would clean your house as you would for guests. They expect to see your normal lived in house. If there are any areas that make you look like a hoarder, yeah maybe tidy that up a bit. ;) Some agencies/workers will look everywhere, and literally open closets and drawers. For me, it was a conversation at the dining table, a quick walk through of my home (which was an apartment then) and measuring of the bedrooms (because here how many kids you can have is determined by the size of the bdrms)...is was SO no big deal. It was kind of fun actually. (But im kind of strange and can literally talk adoption for hours to anyone.)

They will at some point want to talk to your children, sometimes alone. Basically it will be "how do you feel about adding a sibling to your family? what kinds of family activities do you do?" that sort of thing. Low key.

The 18 yr old, if living at home, will likely have to undergo a background check, fingerprinting etc as they are technically an adult.

The dog i can only see being an issue if they are afraid of dogs or somehow get the impression that its aggressive. If she settles down during the visit, all the better. You'll likely have to provide proof of rabies shots, depending on whats required by your agency/state.

In terms of your garage/basement...they mostly will be concerned about spaces that are intended for a child to sleep or play, if its a basement that no one really uses much then that may be different than a family room type basement. But either way...IF there is a problem (and there usually isnt) all that happens is the worker will say this is the stuff that needs to be corrected, i'll be out again when thats taken care of.

Good luck! its always exciting to finally get started, i can't wait to hear about your whole process!

[hsmamato2]

Thank you for the reply..... I am calming down....mainly b/c when I announced at dinner about the appt,no one else in my house acted like it was huge deal....life went on!  Overnight I decided to try and keep focused on WHY i'm doing all this in the first place,and imagine that extra space in our family that will hopefully be filled by another little person!

[Momma Aimee]

Good Luck