Crib sleeping TO Cosleeping--am I nuts to mess with this?

[Phycologia]

I have a 6 month old son. He's a pretty good crib sleeper, going to bed around 6:30 and waking at 5:30 with 1 or 2 night feeds. The problem is I'm not getting sleep because I am constantly thinking about when will be the next time he'll wake up as his wakings aren't predictable at all. Or if he's too hot or too cold. Plus I have some general anxiety as my husband is away at sea for several months.

Anyway, the only time I get refreshing sleep is when I lay down to to nurse and nap with my son a few times a day. At first I did it because it was the only way to get him to nap longer than 30 minutes, now I just love it!

I am considering moving him to my bed, but am hesitant. First, the only soothing resource I have when we're cosleeping is nursing, and if his tummy is full he doesn't want to nurse. When he's crib sleeping I can pat him or pick him up and sway him and put him back down and he goes back to sleep easily. I think the difference is largely because with me he sleeps on his side and in his crib he sleeps on his belly (easier position to fall back asleep in for him).

Second, I like that he only wakes up twice a night to nurse--if he's nearby will he start waking up all the time? Consolidated sleep is important for both of us.

Third, if he wakes up and wants to play, then what? He hardly ever does this now, but when he does I do gentle no cry training (PU/PDs), how does this work with cosleeping?

Fourth, I'm afraid it'll be impossible to get him back in the crib when I'm ready for him to go back.

Am I being selfish, potentially disrupting his sleep? Has anyone started cosleeping late in the game?

[azzeps]

I sorta wouldn't mess with that.  But on the other hand, I don't think you can do any permanent damage, you know?  You can always go back to having him in the crib, it just might be a tough couple of nights while he gets used to it again.  If he is in bed with you, could you nurse, and stay awake, and then lay him onto his tummy after he falls asleep? Instead of his side? Then you could pat him if he was still awake?  Have you read No Cry Sleep Solution? That seems to have a lot of ideas for cosleeping and might give you a better picture of what it would be like for you.  I guess I still figure you have to try it and see how it goes.  And if it doesn't work, change it.  That's my parenting motto in general. I hope you find something that works for you.

[azzeps]

Or what if you put him in a pack n play next to your bed? Then you wouldn't worry all night about him being hot or cold.   i totally get the worrying about when he will wake up.  Sometimes after I've been up feeding DS, then I can't get back to sleep again.  I think that's part of the benefit of cosleeping is that you don't get fully awake for feeds, whereas if you have to walk down the hall and walk back, then whammo you are all the way awake. 

[Phycologia]

Thanks for your reply! I'm really afraid to let him tummy sleep while cosleeping, it sounds unsafe. Is he old enough that it's not an issue?

When he was a newborn he used to sleep in the same room as me and I didn't sleep because every stir woke me up and I was always on edge waiting for him to "wake up fully", so I moved him.  Heh, when I type that out maybe I just have a sleeping problem that has nothing to do with him. But going to his crib in the same room still required waking up fully while nursing him while napping is totally different--I can feel him latch on but I'm still continuing to dream and stay asleep. Crazy!

Anyway, it was a lot of hard work to get him to sleep long stretches (he was colicky) and I really fear starting over without my husband to help. I think I'll continue to just nap with him.

BTW "mainstream" boards about teaching your baby to sleep are really warning me against napping with him or he'll never nap by himself. He doesn't really nap by himself now, though! Am I creating a really bad precedent? Even if I am, I don't care that much because I love it.

[EchoSoul]

Don't believe that bull. Co-slept babies make self-confident children more quickly than sole-sleepers. Do what feels right and good. :)

[Super~Single~Mama]

Originally Posted by Phycologia 

Thanks for your reply! I'm really afraid to let him tummy sleep while cosleeping, it sounds unsafe. Is he old enough that it's not an issue?

When he was a newborn he used to sleep in the same room as me and I didn't sleep because every stir woke me up and I was always on edge waiting for him to "wake up fully", so I moved him.  Heh, when I type that out maybe I just have a sleeping problem that has nothing to do with him. But going to his crib in the same room still required waking up fully while nursing him while napping is totally different--I can feel him latch on but I'm still continuing to dream and stay asleep. Crazy!

Anyway, it was a lot of hard work to get him to sleep long stretches (he was colicky) and I really fear starting over without my husband to help. I think I'll continue to just nap with him.

BTW "mainstream" boards about teaching your baby to sleep are really warning me against napping with him or he'll never nap by himself. He doesn't really nap by himself now, though! Am I creating a really bad precedent? Even if I am, I don't care that much because I love it.

You can try co-sleeping. My DS used to sleep on his side - I patted his back while he was on his side, or rubbed it. No big deal at all.

But, at 6mo, he's probably fine tummy sleeping in bed. I wouldn't worry too much about him waking often with a full belly while in bed with you, my DS would lay on his side to nurse, fall asleep while nursing, and then latch himself when he was hungry next - especially once he was 6mo.

ETA - If it worked better, you could always start him off in his own bed, and then bring him back to bed with you when he wakes to nurse.

Edited by Super~Single~Mama - 12/1/11 at 9:36am

[hildare]

i'm on team don't mess with a pretty good thing. 

there's a lot of room for the development of all-night-nursing between 6 mos and when you stop.  i think proximity can lead to constant desire for the boobies, and your kid is waking 2 x a night?  you are a lucky lucky mama. 

don't get me wrong, i loved cosleeping, but nightweaning is going to be much easier for you...

could you put the crib in your room, though?

and i don't think your kid would be likely to tummy sleep while cosleeping, they orient themselves much differently then, as you see from napping.  if it were me, i'd just enjoy those nap snuggles. i don't think that napping with him sets a precedent either, it's been pretty easy to put dd down for a nap lying with her then sneak away.  i don't know if other kids go to sleep on their own for naps by now or not, it's not a problem for us though.

[azzeps]

Originally Posted by hildare 

there's a lot of room for the development of all-night-nursing between 6 mos and when you stop. 

I think she's right.  With my daughter, things didn't get really bad, and we really didn't start co-sleeping until she was 8 or 9 months old.  And then she was waking up 8-10x a night.  It was awful.  It put me in the position of having to do some sleep training that I really didn't want to do, but was so sleep deprived and had exhausted so many other options that it left me no other choice.  I really feel that I never gave her the opportunity to learn how to sleep on her own because of all the bouncing/walking/rocking/driving to sleep that we did with her.

This time around, I am trying to help DS sleep some on his own, and not develop such a strong suck-to-sleep association.  Some nights are better than others!!!

I think the napping is fine, but you may get to the point where you feel like you don't want to do that anymore, and want to use naptime to get things done around the house or do something for yourself.  But if it comes to that, you can always try sneaking away after he falls asleep.

good luck to you!

[lovepickles]

I would totally mess with it. You need good sleep and know what you need to do to get it. Cosleeping has been a wonderful experience for our family. We started at 4 months. Their needs change all the time and if you know you'll sleep better with baby near you then go for it. It gave us an enormous boost of intimacy that I wouldn't trade for fear of possibly regretting it later. In fact most of my parenting techniques lately are based on what works for us now rather than what *might* not work for us later. Fearing parental decisions due to a circumstances that may or may not happen is like reading tea leaves.

[Blanca78]

I agree that the mainstream idea that napping next to babies will ruin them for life, etc. is bull, but I have to say I disagree with the blanket statement that solo-sleeping children are slower to develop self-confidence. Do you have a source? I think we should avoid essentializing kids based on parenting decisions, no matter where we fall on the AP spectrum. I don't bedshare--not because I disapprove or think it's dangerous, but because I am a very restless sleeper with a strong need for my own space at night--I can't even sleep if my husband has his arm around me, and I know I wouldn't be rested enough to parent effectively if she were in our bed. My 7-month-old sleeps in a crib in our room and is extremely laid back and outgoing.

OP, I have wondered the same thing as you sometimes. Our DD is 7 months and has a very similar sleeping pattern, also with the unpredictable wake times and my anxious personality that results in insomnia for me. She is in a crib in our room, and for now, I feel that works for us. She also naps okay in the crib (I WISH she would nap better in bed with me--I'd love the cuddles--but now that she's not a newborn she gets so wired and distracted she doesn't often fall asleep when I'm right there--too busy playing with my hair, etc.).

If you are wary of bringing him into your bed, maybe over the next few weeks things will even out a bit and become more predictable--I have just noticed over the last couple weeks that her wake times are getting more consistent. But honestly, it sounds to me like you really would like to have him sleep with you. If that's what your gut and heart are doing, I'd go for it. If it doesn't work out, you can transition him back to the crib, as someone else suggested.

Originally Posted by EchoSoul 

Don't believe that bull. Co-slept babies make self-confident children more quickly than sole-sleepers. Do what feels right and good. :)

[sahmof2girls]

Originally Posted by Phycologia 

BTW "mainstream" boards about teaching your baby to sleep are really warning me against napping with him or he'll never nap by himself. He doesn't really nap by himself now, though! Am I creating a really bad precedent? Even if I am, I don't care that much because I love it.

Hogwash I say!!!!!! I napped with all 3 of my kids, and occasionally with my ds still.  When kids need sleep they will sleep.  just sayin'