If you are in labor, but OB says to not come in.....

[Lisa1970]

I am wondering, because I have received some hate emails saying I handled this wrong. Basically, when I was in labor, I called my OB, who I had seen the day before but sent me home as I was only at a zero, but I got the on-call OB. The on-call OB told me my contractions were too far apart for it to be real labor so she would not admit me or allow me to be admitted, nor would she allow my regular OB to be called. I begged and pleaded with her to please check me out or at least call my regular OB because I am a vbac and he assured me he would be called if I went in to labor and she was nasty and abusive toward me. The conversation ended with her telling me to jump off a bridge. 

The question is, if the OB flat out told you she would not allow you to be admitted if you showed up because your contractions were too far apart, would you still try to go to that labor and delivery, or would you go on to a different hospital? In our case, we called to the labor and delivery and see if they could call someone else if we came in and they said no, they had to do what the on-call doctor said and if the on-call doctor refused to allow me to be admitted then that is just how it is. SO, we went on to a different hospital where I had the baby shortly after (via c-sect). Now I have gotten hate emails from people who were on the Ican group saying this is my own fault, I got what I deserved, I should have just gone in to the labor and delivery with the on-call doctor. My dh and I both think that would have been a complete waste of our time and energy and would be taking risks with the baby since I was in so much pain and the on-call doctor informed us over the phone she would not allow me to be admitted or even examined. What do you think? Would you have continued on to that labor and delivery knowing you were going to be turned away..or would you have gone elsewhere?

[saralm]

I just wanted to send a little support your way.  If someone was that rude to you there is no way you were under some kind of obligation to deal with them again.  Seems perfectly reasonable to me that you went somewhere else.

This is not directed at you but your story makes me feel so irritated that doctors think they know it all and treat their patients with so little respect.  Sorry it sucked for you.  Hope you can let it go now and assume you made the right choice under the circumstances.

[Lisa1970]

Originally Posted by saralm 

I just wanted to send a little support your way.  If someone was that rude to you there is no way you were under some kind of obligation to deal with them again.  Seems perfectly reasonable to me that you went somewhere else.

This is not directed at you but your story makes me feel so irritated that doctors think they know it all and treat their patients with so little respect.  Sorry it sucked for you.  Hope you can let it go now and assume you made the right choice under the circumstances.

I wish I could let it go. But 11 yrs ago, I had similar circumstances. Only, it ended different. I did not go elsewhere. I just kept thinking things would work out. My son ended up dying. Now I can't stop thinking about it. I cry a lot over it because things were so similar and my little girl (born end Sept 2011) could have been dead right now and my little boy (Nov 2000) IS dead right now. 
 

[saralm]

I am so sorry for your pain.  And so glad you made a choice that had a good outcome for your daughter.

[justKate]

I think you did the right thing.  And I think you know, inside, that you did what was right--it just sucks when people who are supposed to be your support system make you second guess yourself.

Re. the on-call OB, I can't imagine anyone acting like that towards a laboring woman, no matter how they perceived her at the time.  Not the same situation, but when I called my midwife/OB group while in labor with DD, the answering service called my OB, who called me back around 6 a.m.  She said I could wait until they open at 8 a.m. and come in to get checked, or if I didn't feel comfortable waiting I could go to the hospital and let them check me.  FWIW, both the hospital where DD was born and the hospital where I'm birthing this baby have a procedure in place for "checking" laboring mamas before deciding whether to admit them.  Its hard to imagine they didn't have something similar at this crazy OB's hospital.

And really, after treating you like that--someone should know about it.  But I guess that's another thread.  Big hugs to you mama.  Its okay to feel all of this stuff--let it out, be angry, be hurt.  But know that you did everything right. 

[Just1More]

I think the reason that most of us are here are because we believe laboring women ought to have a CHOICE.

That is true no matter the time or place or situation surrounding birth.  At any time, if you felt unsafe or simply wanted to change your mind, that is your RIGHT.  It is your CHOICE. 

And that is good.  I think, from reading your other posts, that you are okay with the csect, and just thankful.  But, if I'm wrong about that, or if those "natural birth" thoughts should rear their potentially ugly heads, please remember, please KNOW that you DID embody all that is RIGHT about natural birth. 

You kept your RIGHT to CHOOSE your provider.  And, you were saved because of it.

It doesn't matter what other people say.  They are wrong.  Because, no matter the outcome, and no matter whatever issue...you have the RIGHT to a CHOICE.  At any time.

Be strong Mama.  This is your life, and your baby.  Not their business. *hugs*

[Triniity]

I honestly cannot believe how rude people can get. And I totally understand that you did not try to go there, I would not even want to go near this person, who would probably only have tried to prove you wrong if you did. How horrible. 

I learned that you never ever judge a situation (esp. as stressful as labour) over the phone. 

what did you regular dr say?

[Katie8681]

I hope you complain to the hospital about that doctor. They would probably be very interested to know that a woman attempting VBAC who was in severe pain and contracting was told that if she came in, she wouldn't be admitted, and that her regular physician would not be informed. I'm so glad you went somewhere else and your baby was born healthy.

[cristeen]

Originally Posted by Katie8681 

I hope you complain to the hospital about that doctor. They would probably be very interested to know that a woman attempting VBAC who was in severe pain and contracting was told that if she came in, she wouldn't be admitted, and that her regular physician would not be informed. I'm so glad you went somewhere else and your baby was born healthy.

Not just the hospital... I hope you complain to the Medical Board for your state. 

[Nicole730]

Of course you did the right thing.  I don't think I would have felt comfortable going in with that on-call doctor there either.  I'm sorry the on-call doctor was so rude to you on the phone.   I've heard some really nasty things about the ICAN forums, which is quite unfortunate.

[stik]

I agree with others who have said that you should pursue your complaint.  

I think it's also important to pursue healing for yourself.  I don't know you, and I wasn't there, so I don't know what happened in the conversation to take it from "Should I go to the hospital?" to "You should jump off a bridge."  I do know that somewhere in there, something very unusual happened.  I think it may be possible that your history of trauma is making it very difficult for you to communicate with health care providers.  That's no excuse for the on-call doctor - no medical professional should ever speak to a patient that way, and there should be serious consequences for those remarks.  For your personal well-being, and completely separate from pursing your complaint, I think it might be a good idea to talk with a therapist to start sorting out the feelings caused by the trauma of your son's death, the re-traumatization that you have gone through at the hands of doctors, nurses, and receptionists since then, and to find ways that you can feel safe working with health-care providers in the future.  

[Lisa1970]

She told me I was not in real labor. I never said should I go to the hospital but rather I said I needed to go to the hospital. I told her I had 4 past c-sect and was planning a vbac. She told me she would not see me and I had to wait until Monday to see my OB, she would not call him. She said because my contractions were not less than 5 minutes apart, I was not in real labor, therefore, I am not go go in. I begged her to call my regular OB then because I am in so much pain, that if this were not real labor, then something is wrong. I already knew this OB did not do vbacs let alone vbacs after 4 csects. I mean..the oncall OB..the one who told me to jump off a bridge.
 

Originally Posted by stik 

I agree with others who have said that you should pursue your complaint.  

I think it's also important to pursue healing for yourself.  I don't know you, and I wasn't there, so I don't know what happened in the conversation to take it from "Should I go to the hospital?" to "You should jump off a bridge."  I do know that somewhere in there, something very unusual happened.  I think it may be possible that your history of trauma is making it very difficult for you to communicate with health care providers.  That's no excuse for the on-call doctor - no medical professional should ever speak to a patient that way, and there should be serious consequences for those remarks.  For your personal well-being, and completely separate from pursing your complaint, I think it might be a good idea to talk with a therapist to start sorting out the feelings caused by the trauma of your son's death, the re-traumatization that you have gone through at the hands of doctors, nurses, and receptionists since then, and to find ways that you can feel safe working with health-care providers in the future.  

[stik]

You were treated horribly.  There should be consequences for the doctor who was verbally and emotionally abusive to you.  I also hope you find some help and healing for yourself. 

[Mizelenius]

I can't believe everything you have gone through.  First-- my heart just breaks for the loss of your son.  What was his name, if I can ask?  I always like to think of little ones with us, and knowing their name helps.

Second, the fact that a physician would tell you to jump off a bridge under ANY circumstance sounds like someone who should be investigated.  Though there are always two sides to a story, I cannot fathom a situation (even if you were swearing!) where this would be acceptable by a medical professional. 

Please don't post on those ICAN forums anymore.  If that is the kind of "support" you received, then you'd be better off discussing this with enemies . . .which it sounds like they are. 

You absolutely made the right choice.  My FIL had an emergency hernia operation, and they perforated his colon w/o knowing.  Though he had a fever and was out of it (at home), the doctor who did the surgery told him NOT to go back to the hospital.  My MIL is well-spoken and versed in medical terms, too, so not like they didn't understand. After he started hyperventilating, my MIL took him anyway.  It took 5 hours for the surgeon to even take a look at him.  By then, it was too late.  We were with him when he passed away.  If only my MIL had gone to a different hospital . . .

I am amazed by the lack of compassion you have been shown and so sorry.