Pain Levels and Guilt in Birth

[MotheringBliss]

Anyone correlate your experience of pain with underlying feelings of guilt surrounding any issue...in what otherwise "should" have been  a birth with minimal pain...feeling safe, confident, no interference ect...

Just curious...I had two pain free births then, two painful ones...So as I begin labor this morning, I've been wondering if any of you could validate that sometimes pain equals feelings of guilt (usually repressed).

Thanks to all of you incredible women!

[mamablitz]

I have never experienced a painless birth...so I can only speculate from what Ive read from others. I feel, in theory, that overwhelming pain shouldn't take place in birth....if the positioning is right, the environment, atmosphere.....yet some amount of "pain" or discomfort is necessary to get the baby out.....and then there are people who have completely painless births and astound us all!  I am having my first UC in march and Ill let you know then.....!  I do think that tension and fear play a major role in hiking up pain during labour. 

[MotheringBliss]

Wow, Your first UC in March, how awesome!

I've been working toward orgasmic or ecstatic birth and have been trying to unravel emotional issues that may be hindering that possibility.

So far this labor is progressing smoothly with current gradual dilation and lots of leaking, the intensity/pain has come previously with crowning and I'd love to know more about how to transform that to the other end of the spectrum!

Thanks so much for responding Mamablitz!

[Mulvah]

Originally Posted by MotheringBliss 

Anyone correlate your experience of pain with underlying feelings of guilt surrounding any issue...in what otherwise "should" have been  a birth with minimal pain...feeling safe, confident, no interference ect...

Just curious...I had two pain free births then, two painful ones...So as I begin labor this morning, I've been wondering if any of you could validate that sometimes pain equals feelings of guilt (usually repressed).

Thanks to all of you incredible women!

No, I didn't and don't.  I think labor is very painful for some, painful for others, unbearable for many, and "pain-free" for very few.  I had intense pain with my first labor, which I imagine stems from having back labor and having a very quick labor.  I feel the conditions were pretty darn good and though I wasn't terribly confident in my ability to deal with the pain I was feeling, I don't think it was due to subconscious guilt. 

I think this community tries to push the envelope of "perfection" a little too hard sometimes.  It almost seems like you're looking for a reason as to why you felt pain because "pain-free" is the new "med-free".  I think pain is a normal, natural part of the process and though I cannot deny being fascinated by those who claim they felt no pain, I don't think pain is in any way associated with guilt. 

I hope you aren't reading this and instead, are holding a sweet baby in your arms. 

[weliveintheforest]

This is an interesting idea.  I had thought of underlying fear being a reason for my feeling pain, but not guilt.  I don't think it was an issue for me.

[tracymom1]

If guilt=pain, I would have had a much harder time with my labors than I did!! I carry around a large burden of guilt and have gotten so caught up in mommyland that I do not take the time needed to work it all out. Both my labors were certainly not pain-free, but they were not that bad at all.

[lia_joy]

I think that guilt might translate into pain for some, but I suspect that it'd be more likely to manifest indirectly.  My most painful birth, for instance, was my second which was due to posterior presentation, not directly to my emotional state However, I was not taking care of my own needs enough during pregnancy. I was taking on too much. I wasn't slowing down to listen to my body's needs as I felt I needed to take care of everyone else & never took the time to go see a chiropractor even though I felt it would be beneficial... I feel that my self-worth indirectly had an impact on that birth because I wasn;t as loving towards myself. I learned my lesson & saw a chiro for the next pregnancy as soon as I felt it would help. #3 was a very fast, fairly easy (though intense just because of how fast it came on) birth.  I'm much better at taking care of myself now & I do expect that will make this birth easier because I'm more in touch with my(& baby's) needs.

[Right of Passage]

For me resistance means pain. My last birth when I said "no" I felt pain, so I didn't say it I said "yes" and the birth was painless and ecstatic.

[amberskyfire]

I don't know if it's true or not, but I think it could be possible. With my birth, feelings were a huge issue, but it wasn't guilt I was feeling. Also, my feelings didn't affect the amount of pain I was feeling, they affected how I was able to handle the pain.

During my birth, I completely believed that I would have a painless birth. There was no doubt in my mind whatsoever. I had read everything about painless childbirth and believed it was all true. During my labor, my baby turned posterior and the pain was literally blinding - beyond horrific. I was at home and had no epidural to turn to. I didn't have anything to turn to. I felt helpless and abandoned, a really awful negative feeling that I think a lot of women have in labor. I wanted someone to help me - anybody. I even begged God to help me and I'm an atheist (LOL!). That bad feeling of having been lied to, of being told something that wasn't true, of feeling abandoned because no one could help me, was intense and not helping me at all.

The only thing that did help was when I finally realized I was alone in it. I was all alone and no one was going to help me. It was all ME. Just me alone in the universe. There was no magic button. There was nobody looking out for me that was going to make it okay. It was all on me. That's when I got mad. I started thinking about all of the people that never supported me, that were going to sneer at me if I went to the hospital to get an epidural after I told them I was having a home birth and they laughed and swore I couldn't possibly handle it. I was absolutely livid after thinking about it for five or ten minutes. So angry, in fact, that that was when I got up off of the bed and used the anger itself to get through the rest of my labor.

It didn't hurt less, but I was suddenly able to deal with it. I finally felt in the driver's seat and ass-kicky rather than whimpering and helpless. I was a badass, pissed off mama that was going to get through it on my own because "screw everybody else." And that's when everything started happening for me. I did do it and my daughter was born not long after.

I do think that feelings have a HUGE effect in childbirth on pain levels, maybe not necessarily on how much pain you feel, but on your ability to deal with the pain you're experiencing. I think guilt is like any negative feeling and while anger is generally considered a negative feeling in childbirth, I really disagree. To me, it felt strong and inspirational. It wasn't the kind of anger you feel when you're arguing with your spouse, it was more like battle-anger. I think if you can move past a negative feeling into something that empowers you, it can be really helpful.

Is there anything that makes you feel like a mama bear?

Edited by amberskyfire - 12/6/11 at 10:38am

[lia_joy]

What a powerful story, Amberskyfire! thanks for sharing <3