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Late Start Mamas -- a thread for those of us who became mamas after the age of 35

post #1 of 23
Thread Starter 

Hello! There used to be a thread in "tribes" for this, but I thought I'd start one here.

 

Post here if you'd like to connect with others who got a late start on becoming a mom. Whether you birthed your kid(s) or became a mom through adoption, you are welcome here.

 

About me: I'm almost 42, became a mom at age 38, and am now working full-time and parenting my 3yo DD.

 

I'd love to connect with others who are "old" moms!

post #2 of 23

Hello,

i'm 48 and I have three children: DD1 (12), DS (10) and DD2 (4)

 

when I go and pick up the two youngest from school, some of the grand mothers I see at the school gates ... are younger than me

 

was only asked one if they were my grand-children (in a park)

 

I was not ready before my mid-thirties

on the other hand, if I had started earlier, I would have been tempted to have a fourth child ...

post #3 of 23

Thanks for starting this, CI Mama, I didn't see this thread until this evening!

 

I'm 48 and I have a five-year-old DD.  Yeppers, I had DD when I was 43, but I've always taken pride and making people wait, and wait, and wait (especially my mother...LOL).  DH and I had not actually planned on having any children, but as DD likes to say "Pop!  Here I am!"

 

I really enjoy being a mom.  I'm a WOHM and DD has enriched my life and attitude way beyond my expectations.  I have no regrets for waiting so long.  As I stated in another thread on this social group, I think I'm probably handling motherhood a lot better than I would have in my 20s, or even in my 30s.  When it happened, I was ready and was able to adjust my life accordingly.  I feel very blessed.

post #4 of 23
Thread Starter 

Getting a late start has definitely had its perks for me. I definitely would not have been emotionally ready for parenthood in my 20s or early 30s. Both my partner and I have a lot of strengths to bring to our parenting at this stage of the game. And I'm on a good career path, doing work that I care about in a field that I love. As a working parent, that's really important to me.

 

On the "down" side for me...the physical transition to motherhood has been pretty grueling. Though now that I've recovered from my long labor & c-section, I feel that in some ways I'm in better shape than ever, even better than I was 10 years ago!

 

The other bummer for me is that I didn't become a mom before my mom died. And that still makes me sad.

 

But on the whole...being an "old" mom is great. thumb.gif

post #5 of 23

yes, I feel something similar = my Dad never got to know my youngest child

post #6 of 23

.


Edited by member234098 - 5/27/12 at 4:19pm
post #7 of 23

I did kids in "batches" (sort of like litters) - ElderSon was 14 (I was 38) when BigGirl was born; she and YoungSon were 11 & 12 when the Litttles came (foster kids who averaged 6YO when they came into our home). I also cared for my grandbabies for 6 months (infant and toddler sized at the time).

 

So I have had babies and little kids through all my adult life. With the later ones, I was more tired, but more relaxed also. I realized that the little stuff that seemed so important and urgent the first time around, like how early milestones were reached, would all take care of themselves in due time. I remember near panicking that ElderSon had not sprouted any teeth at however many months I some baby care book expected. Really, what are the odds that he would never grow teeth?!? Now days, it takes much more to worry me.

post #8 of 23

.  


Edited by member234098 - 5/27/12 at 4:17pm
post #9 of 23

Hi! I had my first at 35, my second at 38. I'm now 47, though I don't often think about age. :)

post #10 of 23
Quote:
Originally Posted by miriam View Post

AS the oldest of nine children, this is the very first time in my entire life in which there are no little ones around.  It seems odd. No child proofing, no censoring of television programs, just normal adult stuff.  



Yesterday I went out to the store, and suddenly realized I didn't need to make sure everyone was OK, no packing a diaper bag, no childcare arrangements, no promises of treats (or veiled threats), practically no preparations at all. Life can be so simple!wink1.gif

post #11 of 23

Another late starter here.  I had my first at 40 and my second at 43.  I'm sure I'm a better mother than I would have been when I was younger.  But I'm sad that my kids will never know my mother.  She's still alive - barely - but has severe dementia and can't speak or understand what people say.  She would have been an awesome grandmother to my kids and it would have been great to be able to talk with her about raising kids and ask all the questions about her experiences as a mother that never occurred to me until I had kids of my own. 

post #12 of 23

Hi, Everyone...

I had my last baby 5 years ago, at the ripe young age of 45. There have been lots of challenges, the worst one being was to be hit by a drunk driver when my son was 4 months old. It has taken forever to get my legs back, while raising him full-time due to my husband's lack of extra income and resources to help me. I have not had the best time of it-motherhood at this age is daunting enough, but I have a positive attitude-my son is the best gift that ever happened to me-a second chance to be a mom all over again-I already raised my two older challenged sons to adulthood. It's different this time around...and I wouldn't change any of it!099.jpgHere  is a picture of us when he was 8 months old-a week after I got out of the hospital.

post #13 of 23

Oldmama44, your story is so inspiring and your son is adorable!

 

I'd like to join this thread, if I may.  My spouse and I had our daughter when I was 40 and he was 46.  I'm glad I was able to find a midwife practice that didn't automatically risk me out for AMA.

 

I think the best thing about being an older parent is that we've already "sown our wild oats" - I had plenty of years of being a DINK with an urban lifestyle, going to bars, clubs, restaurants, traveling, what have you.  Now I'm able to enjoy the quiet nights home with my daughter, just listening to music or reading, with no regrets or resentments.

 

I am sorry my daughter won't have more grandparent time, though - only one of her grandparents is still alive, and that's my mom, who has pretty severe rheumatoid arthritis.  We probably won't have any more children, partly because I want to make sure I have the time and energy to devote to my mom's care.  Are there other "sandwich generation" moms in here?

 

Looking forward to hearing more from all of you.

 

post #14 of 23
Quote:
Originally Posted by glassesgirlnj View Post

Oldmama44, your story is so inspiring and your son is adorable!

 

I'd like to join this thread, if I may.  My spouse and I had our daughter when I was 40 and he was 46.  I'm glad I was able to find a midwife practice that didn't automatically risk me out for AMA.

 

I think the best thing about being an older parent is that we've already "sown our wild oats" - I had plenty of years of being a DINK with an urban lifestyle, going to bars, clubs, restaurants, traveling, what have you.  Now I'm able to enjoy the quiet nights home with my daughter, just listening to music or reading, with no regrets or resentments.

 

I am sorry my daughter won't have more grandparent time, though - only one of her grandparents is still alive, and that's my mom, who has pretty severe rheumatoid arthritis.  We probably won't have any more children, partly because I want to make sure I have the time and energy to devote to my mom's care.  Are there other "sandwich generation" moms in here?

 

Looking forward to hearing more from all of you.

 


I am not a Late Start Mama (was 26 and 29 with my sons) but had to respond!  My 81 y.o. mother lives in the same city we do, and I've been hard at work striking a humane level of contact with her.  DS2 is a college freshman this year (DS1 left the nest in 2009), so my mother was harboring some expectations of higher maintenance when he left ("Oh, you'll have more time for me!").  Doing things for and with her was something I looked forward to being less pressured by daily school schedule constraints, but I still really really really didn't like hearing it framed as some sort of assumption -- due mostly to a long history of control and clinginess on her part.  The hardest thing for me was learning to speak a language that's been compassionate to both of us, which I learned from parenting my boys when they were toddlers.  "I'll get there as soon as . . ." rather than "I can't get there until . . . " and things along those lines.  This is all more a function of our personalities than ages and life situation, though.  She's still in her own home, has some physical difficulties but they make her careful rather than preventing anything, and she does reach out as best she can to do things that warm my (nuclear) family.  I think temperament makes all the difference.  We're both trying to make it nice, though, and that's gratifying.

 

Oh, and your wild oats observation cracked me up -- I'm the good girl who went from my parents' home to the one I made with my husband.  At the time, I didn't feel like I missed much, but I had a lot of growing up to do and didn't give myself a chance to do it.  I feel as though I'm having a second adolescence now.  Except instead of my overwhelmed, frightened, and authoritarian mother and father parenting me through the emotional turmoil, I'm able to do it for myself.  And more kindly for all concerned.

 

I think we come to the wisdom of our years whether we've had our children younger or are just beginning that particular journey.

post #15 of 23

Hi,

Wow, a group just for us older mamas! I was 39 when my daughter was born.

My husband of ten years left when she was two and I have been a single parent since then. It has been a long road travelled as I am still recovering from health issues. I have often thought that parenting younger would have been easier as I would have had much more energy!

Yes, having parents who are older and needing support is tricky when juggling our own parenting, work, etc. It is wonderful to have found a forum where others understand the issues of older mothers :-)

post #16 of 23
Thread Starter 

Hello, windyweather, and welcome!

 

We are totally dealing with the issue of parenting in two directions. My MIL has ongoing financial troubles and there is a recurring question about whether my DP or one of her siblings should take over her finances. A very difficult decision, which is not helped by the fact that DP and her siblings have a lot of issues with each other. Not exactly what we want to be dealing with, but there it is!

post #17 of 23

Oh boy am I scared!  I will be 43 in May and I just found out I am pregnant with my 3rd child.  My daughters are 17 and 14.  I can't imagine how they are going to react!  This was unplanned and the father will not have any part of this.  I will not have an abortion.  Any suggestions, hopefully supportive, are welcome.

post #18 of 23

Wow! What wonderful, terrifying, life-changing news! I have been almost there (ElderSon was 15 when I had BigGirl @ 40, then YoungSon @ 41), and I have raised them alone. Parenting the second time around is in many ways more fun and relaxed - I am more confident and let more slide than I did with ElderSon. I mean that in a good way: this time I could trust that the little ones would survive and didn't try to take little things so seriously. ElderSon was a big help, and says now that that was the best birth control lesson everlol.gif.

 

Today, I can't imagine life without these guys. I get that you will have to rewrite (or delay) most of your life plans. But it is worth it.

 

All the best, and keep us posted!

post #19 of 23
Quote:
Originally Posted by number3 View Post

Oh boy am I scared!  I will be 43 in May and I just found out I am pregnant with my 3rd child.  My daughters are 17 and 14.  I can't imagine how they are going to react!  This was unplanned and the father will not have any part of this.  I will not have an abortion.  Any suggestions, hopefully supportive, are welcome.

So...

how is everything going? How did they all react?

When are you due?

My last was born when I was 45, however, she was planned. Actually she was the only of the four "planned!" haha!

post #20 of 23

Thanks for creating this thread!

 

I'm 41, my spouse is 50 (we've been married for 17 years), and we're expecting our first baby in late November. We have a young-adult daughter, Katey, whom we adopted last year. Becoming a parent older in life is typical for my family: I'm the third generation and actually not the oldest (my grandmother was 45 when my mother, her only child, was born.) So far, I haven't experienced anything different or difficult with the pregnancy because I'm an "old coot." (I'm athletic and in better shape than when I was in my early 20s, when my favorite activities were role-playing games and reading.) My parents and grandparents have reassured us that whatever we lack in sheer energy level, we'll make up for in patience, the ability not to fret about small things, and the fact that we've gotten to where we want to be in our professional and personal lives and therefore won't feel the need to pressure the little one to accomplish things that earlier-in-life parenthood might have derailed. I suppose we'll learn soon enough whether or not this holds true for us... ;)

 

Be well, all, and enjoy sage parenthood!

 

Mar

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