Am I hurting my baby?

[Belia]

I am only 6 weeks pg.

A few weeks ago my dog died very suddenly and very tragically.  About a week before I got a BFP.  She was my shadow and my whole heart.  I cry over her every day- sometimes just a few tears, and sometimes full-on sobs.  This might sound strange if you're not a "dog person," but this is the biggest and hardest loss I have ever faced in my life by far.

I'm also having a really tough time at work.  A lot of stress and uncertainty and, frankly, BS from my maybe-evil boss.  I am literally in knots about that.  Having trouble sleeping, a lot of obsessing, completely flummoxed about how to handle things and overwhelmed.  Fuzzy thinking.

I also had a lot of trouble with my last pg with nausea and sickness, and that has started again (earlier than before.)

So I'm basically a trainwreck.  I don't remember ever feeling this stressed and unbalanced in my life.  I cry multiple times a day.  I'm full of rage.

Am I hurting my baby?  I can't imagine this is a healthy environment to grow a person.  I feel toxic and poisoned from the inside out.

And if this is hurting my baby, what on earth should I do about it?  I cannot bring my dog back, I cannot make my boss into less of an a-hole, I cannot make my work environment less toxic or less stressful, I cannot make myself not feel nauseous 24/7.  

Has anyone else tried to grow a baby with a broken heart and a broken spirit and had it turn out ok?

[Kindermama]

I'm a homeopath and I recommend you take a couple of doses of Homeopathic Ignatia 30C to help with the grief. They sell it at Whole Foods and online. No, you are not "hurting" your baby...but your heart is hurting and babies feel our energy in that way, so, yes, I do think you should take really good care of yourself as you move through your grief. 

[Adaline'sMama]

I'm so sorry you are having to deal with tradegy while you also have somehting so happy and special going on.

My grandmother, who was like a mother to me, was diagnosed with a stage 4 GBM brain tumor when I was 20 weeks pregnant with DD. She went from being totally normal, to being a little out of it, to not speaking or being able to control movements all within about a week. I spent the last 4 months of my pregnancy with DD crying almost every single day, sometimes to the point where I made myself sick because on top of the pain I carried a lot of guilt that I was not being strong enough for my baby. Its really hard to go through grief while you are pregnant, but this too shall pass, even if it is one of the harder things you have to do.

[butterfly_mommy]

I am so sorry for your loss. I am a dog person and have lost dogs tragically and unexpectedly as well and it is real intense grief. I don't think you are hurting your baby but i do think you need to find someway to help lesson the stress. Maybe a walk in nature, I find being among the trees to be very healing. Maybe writing, or smashing stuff. In grief we go through all kinds of intense emotions and we need to find outlets for those emotions. When my daughter died I did all of the above I also did primal screaming when no one was home or sometimes into my pillow or bed. Another thing I did which was extremely helpful was go to a very compassionate message therapist every week, she was huge in my grief work. To bad you don't live in Toronto because not only is she an awesome therapist but is a huge dog person, she also helped me through my grief of losing my old dog (16 years) 2 years ago. Also maybe you can find a group either online or in person of people grieving the loss of a pet, peer therapy is amazingly healing as well.

Women carry babies in all kinds of crazy stressful, tragic situations the body is amazing in keep our wee ones safe. Much love and peace to you 

[MamaJenese]

Adaline's mama we had a very similar experience. My mother was diagnosed with stage 4 GBM when I was 17 weeks pregnant with my daughter. She took a very similar path and passed away when MJ was only 4 weeks old.  It was the most difficult time of my life. I am happy to say though that my daughter is a happy healthy 4 year old now, all the stress I had whilst carrying her seems to have had no impact.  I am sorry for your loss Belia. Grieve your loss and celebrate your baby, I promise you can do both. 

[Jula]

Sorry you are going through a tough time right now. As others have said, it will pass. Not that that is much consolation right now.

Could you try to make an effort to spend a little time every day doing something that you enjoy? Or surrounding yourself with something you think is beautiful? Could just be listening to a piece of music you like or talking to a close friend or discovering an interesting painting. I haven't faced loss of the sort you describe but when I am down, I find listening to Monthy Python's Galaxy Song usually helps to put things in perspective (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=buqtdpuZxvk). Not that its going to take the pain away, but its a few minutes of foregrounding something else.