What do you do when someone else wants you to keep stuff? Downsizing an elder — old family items,... - Page 2

[serenbat]

I can't follow what you're trying to say. My sister can only come at a certain time and there's too much to do to be able to do it all in those few days.

she is going to visit but not take things back for herself? isn't that a waste of your time and your brothers?

she could take what she wants and pay for you to take care of the "stuff" no one wants (your time and expense of getting rid of the things)-seems fair to me

[Ramzubo]

Oh I can really relate. Dh was the official keeper of all things his family didn't want for many years. He was lugging around tons of stuff just because he was told he couldn't get rid of it. He finally had to just straight up say no more. He offered stuff to his family first. They had X amount of time to get it otherwise it was gone. They pitched a fit at first, but then really no one cared about X item enough to actually come and get it. The big clean out was a few years ago and not one person in the family has mentioned the tossed items since. Realistically if it means so much to your brother he takes it. If he doesn't care enough to take it, the stuff is free to go.

The book hang-up is really true for my mom. She sees book as having personalities and can't get rid of them. Especially old books. One thing that really stood out for me was how easy it is to find old books. There are books from the 1700's sitting in my half price books. I typed a book title into eBay once that I though would be hard to find. Loads of copies of that book can up. If I liked the book I'd keep it otherwise it can go. Getting rid of books is not some kind of sacrilege.

Finally people have individual tastes. My taste and grandma's don't always match up, it's not a crime if I don't appreciate her things (and therefore don't want them). MIL once made a big deal about some nicer, expensive items to give me from Dh's grandmother that Dh didn't want(more girly type stuff). It was made very clear that I had to keep them, but these things were not to my taste. I said no thanks because they would have been shoved in a drawer and never used. I personally would rather have a stranger appreciate my things than a family member just storing them. It sounds like you have plenty of things coming from your mom so you can keep things that are sentimental to you or you want to pass to your children without having to keep the whole lot.

[beanma]

serenbat, I think I haven't been very clear. Sorry for the confusion. My sister will take things back when she comes, but all of us agree that there is too much stuff to go through to wait until after Christmas (which is the only time she can come) to do it, so I'm going to try to take some photos of items and we'll make the decisions via email. And no, I don't need to get paid for anything. I don't have any disagreement with my sister. What I'm worried about is my brother insisting I take items I don't won't. 

 MIL once made a big deal about some nicer, expensive items to give me from Dh's grandmother that Dh didn't want(more girly type stuff). It was made very clear that I had to keep them, but these things were not to my taste. I said no thanks because they would have been shoved in a drawer and never used. I personally would rather have a stranger appreciate my things than a family member just storing them.

Yes, this is how I feel, too. I'd much rather put the old books back out into the universe so someone else can potentially be excited about finding them than have them take up shelf space in my house about which I would potentially be resentful. I think sometimes we (as in both my family and the general public) sometimes hang onto things just because our parents and grandparents, etc, did. The things take on a perceived value simply because they're old and it's always been in the family. We do have some stuff like that which really is interesting — old records from the farm, even really old receipts from the 1800s — but an old book that I could find easily on eBay, eh...not so much for me. 

What I really need to do is get my personal space organized so I can deal with this influx of new items. I know I will be able to redirect much of it, but some of it will probably end up coming here (hopefully no books) and I need to have somewhere to put what I do want. That's another thread, though!!

[beanma]

FTR, my brother did not go to the bad place on this after all. He told me to take what I wanted on the old books and he'll sort the rest, so I took about 8 that had personal comments in the flyleaf and left the rest for him. Whew. Now it's just on to the rest of the stuff and all the assorted crap that's in my house!!

thanks for the moral support.