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post #221 of 267

Deborah:  Thank you for sharing your story with us :)  I also enjoyed reading the poem.  It really does hit home.  I don't have endo but i have delt with cysts and the rupturing of those cysts since i was very young.  I too started my cycles when i was 11 and was put on BCP at a very early age to try to help with the heavy flow that i had. I would also bleed for like 2 or 3 weeks a month then might go 3 or 4 months without a period and then the cycle would start again!!! it was very frustrating!!!  Sending out big hugs!


Jukim:  Big hugs!!! At least you get to start a fresh cycle!!! Don't give up yet...



Sourire:  I hate that the medication was stopping you from bleeding because it was blocking it, but at least it allowed your lp to hold out a little bit longer.  I really want you to get a BFP soon though!!! You deserve it!!!  :)


Renavoo:  DD has told me personally that she doesn't want anymore babies ...not that i think she wouldn't love another brother or sister, but she's happy being 1 of 2 instead of 1 of 3.  We'll see though. 


AFM:  The plastic surgeon's office called me today to let me know that my fees would be due 30 days before my surgery.  Then i RE-reminded them that my insurance will be changing at the first of the year!!! BLAH!! They told me to get them my new information as soon as i can so that we can make sure that we can still do the surgery on the same day that we have planned right now.  I have a feeling that that won't be happening...but we will see.  I just know that i can't come up with the $3000 it's going to be now in a month!!! When we were going to do it before they decided to change our insurance i was only going to have to pay $100.  BIG difference!!! I can't afford to take out a loan right now either.  My only option is to cancel the surgery, get pregnant, or ask my family for the money....i would rather just get a BFP on christmas morning so i don't have to worry about it lol.  I did get some good news from work though.  I GOT FIRST SHIFT!!!!!! YAY!!! I will be working 7a-2p sun-wed off thursday and friday then 530a-130p on saturday!!!  YAY!!! I'm super super excited!! There are a couple of people who will be upset that i got 1st shift though!  I don't have as much seniority as they do, but my supervisor told me the other day that she told the new manager these exact words (they were going to put me on 3rd shift) she said "you can not wait the talents of my best dispatcher on 3rd shift!!!"  HEHE, i got a little giddy lol.  I'm really praying for everyone to get a BFP soon!!! I think we all have been thru enough over the years...it's time!!!!

post #222 of 267
Thread Starter 

Thanks, everyone, for all the love and support. (Pssst, cbaa, thank you for the prayers - yep, that's how I roll too! I'm a practicing Jew.) I'm feeling better this week. Even though I wasn't necessarily expecting a BFP I guess I had to confront a lot of things last cycle. It was the last cycle for me to conceive and have my babies less than 5 years apart (which is already so different from what I wanted/imagined). It was the last cycle of 2011. The secular year isn't such a big deal to me usually, but it just so happens that January was when I got my referral to the RE, so it was a whole year. Plus...2009...2010...now 2011 gone. It was my first medicated cycle and I responded so well, only to have nothing come of it. Ironically (or maybe it's supposed to work this way) I felt all this despair and then, of all things, a sense that it's going to be okay. All that was before I had a consult with my RE today. We went back through all my data and it really seems like the m/c during the summer threw my body off. I am now ovulating early,  which is apparently something that can happen after a m/c. I've always been very regular, ovulating around cd15...now it's more like 11-13. So it's likely that it's just a matter of time. We're going to do two more cycles of Clomid. Apparently my insurance has been accepting most claims so far, so it looks like they may accept more. However if we have to pay OOP we can get by with only one u/s, which is good. I'm so happy having a plan. This next cycle we have to do natural since we'll be away next week. So who knows, maybe with DH all relaxed because he's not working...


Deborah, thank you for sharing your story and poem. So moving and powerful. It is certainly easier to read knowing you've got twins in there now! 


Sourire, ugh I am so mad at stupid Crinone! (Or "stoopin" as DS says, since we don't allow that word in our house and he doesn't really know how to say it - but I'll be a bad mommy and say it because stoopin Crinone deserves it!) Did you talk to your doc yet? You're doing a natural cycle too due to travel, right? Sorry if I'm misremembering... 


Renavoo, it sounds to me like your immune system is doing just what it's supposed to do. Oh do I love to see that ticker in your signature! 


Brichole, it sounds to me like you did exactly what you needed to do to keep your babies safe. I believe that c-section births are too prevalent in the US, but thank G-d they exist for those who need them. It is frustrating to have to work within unfair (if well-intentioned) laws. Where I am there are no birth centers and few midwives. Our choices are home birth and hospital birth. Neither DH nor I are comfortable with homebirth (though I am very supportive of it for those who choose) so we have to work within the hospital system, too. I would definitely consider hiring a doula next time if I were to get pg just to advocate for me in the hospital setting. I really hope you are able to VBAC for your next LO - are there any doulas in your area? I hope that this is a question you'll have to deal with soon because you're going to get your BFP next week!! Oh, and btw, sure, you can take over as threadkeeper next month if you like! I'm going to be away the weekend of the 1st (without internet access even!) so it's probably a good idea. Thanks!


Jukim, a belated welcome! I'm so sorry about the BFN and am already sending hopes out there that this cycle is your lucky number three. Let me know if you'd like me to put a blurb up for you, a few lines about your journey for the top of the thread so we can get to know you better. If you have a chart link to share let me know too.


Gemmine, shesaidboom, chicajones - I need updates, guys! I'm thinking of you and hoping you are doing okay. Monkey, you too. I'm a worrier, you know.


cbaa, welcome to the suckiness that is the 2ww. However, here is hoping and praying that it turns in bliss and two weeks you'll look back on with fondness. What do we want? Implantation! When do we want it? In 4-5 days! 


Oh hey, I froze an extra pineapple core last time I had one - do you think it's worth thawing and eating? Or is all the bromelain (sp?) going to be leeched out? 

post #223 of 267

I'll do individuals later. I just wanted to give an update. Not pregnant.

post #224 of 267

deborah - wow you have really gone through a lot. I can't believe you have been dealing with endometriosis for almost 20 years! I'm starting to wonder if my endometriosis worries are valid or not, because based on your story and the other one I read on that website it sounds like a LOT more pain than I deal with. Only 1/3 of my periods is extremely painful, and they only started getting that way a couple of years ago, and usually it only hurts like hell for 1 day. 1 day of pain every 3 months doesn't seem like a lot compared to what you have dealt with. That's crazy that you actually lost your job because of a medication... it really emphasizes how much impact these meds can have on our lives. Right now with all the fertility meds I'm taking I'm in a really difficult place at work... not only did I have to take 2 months off this fall because I thought I was going crazy, but I've essentially had to tell my boss that I'm not interested in anything challenging at work, or any increased responsibilities, or anything that will help me progress in my career because I just can't handle it. Right at the beginning of TTC I got offered a position as a manager but I turned it down because I thought I would be pregnant soon... I haven't regretted that decision though because I could not have handled any increased responsibility in the time that has since gone by. Luckily for me, my boss's boss is very understanding and supportive about the whole situation.


gozal - I'm glad to see you back. I'm happy you've managed to come through your feelings of despair. It's great that you responded so well to the Clomid, but remember that even the most fertile people in the world only have about a 25% chance of getting pregnant in any given cycle so just because you didn't get your BFP this month doesn't mean it won't happen in your next 2 cycles of Clomid!


I'm going to wait and see if Crinone makes me bleed after my period (like Prometrium was doing), and if it does I will probably go back to my doctor and see what he thinks about that. I'm still doing natural cycles (with Femara and Crinone), and next cycle I will be taking a break from everything including the meds, and then in January I will begin IUI.


shesaidboom - oh no.... I'm so sad to hear that :( How are you feeling?


AFM - DH just called me from the pharmacy and told me the FRER's are on sale. I told him to buy them all (there were 3 packs of 2 remaining)! Now I'll be all stocked up for tomorrow morning... though I'm mentally preparing myself for a BFN. I've made it through 17 BFN cycles so far, what's one more? Oh and once I get my BFN I get to be med free for a month, that is so exciting! If I get a BFP I gotta continue the Crinone for 10 weeks and its making me pretty irritable already.

post #225 of 267

Sourire- Just because you don't have symptoms (or intense symptoms) does NOT mean you don't have Endo. A lot of people have none and only discover their Endo when they struggle with fertility issues, so I wouldn't discount it. My previous OB wasn't sure if the Endo had started at age 11, but that I had certainly been growing cysts right from the beginning. My ovaries were very swollen when I got my laparascopy and, my RE suspects that my diminished ovarian reserves were a direct result of the Endo (apparently that's common). Shesaidboom- Sorry to hear about BFN. Gozal and others- Thank you for your support! Just for kicks- If anything doesn't make sense, it's because I have a very playful puppy in the room here.

post #226 of 267

can't stop long just want to send out BIG BIG hugs to Shesaidboom  and tell everyone i hope you have a good week if i don't get a chance to get online again until thursday.  I miss you ladies when i don't get a chance to write or check in!!!

post #227 of 267

Shesaidboom:hug2.gif Aw, I'm so sorry. I am sending lots of love your way. I hope you're managing okay. Definitely not the way you want to kick off the holidays, but I guess the up side is that you have a few days to deal with it before having to see family, etc. I hope you have some time off this week or next and can just chill and spoil yourself a little. I will definitely be thinking of you--for some reason, a December BFN just seems a bit harder than other months. 

post #228 of 267

Bricole - there is a midwife practicing in Birmingham, who is willing to travel pretty far. There is also one in Eclectic, although I have heard bad things about her, and she never returned my phone calls, so maybe she got scared off. My understanding was that certified midwifes were not allowed to practice in Alabama, but it is not technically illegal for somebody who is not licensed to practice. Before my last m/c, I was planning to go with the woman in Birmingham,  but I also found a few from Georgia who were willing to come to Alabama. Not that any of that helps if insurance doesn't cover it and you don't have the cash, though.


Shesaidbloom - sorry. Hugs.

post #229 of 267

shesaidboom-hug2.gifsad day. I'm thinking of you, take some time to yourself and then come back to take over 2012 with a BFP. What is the plan for next cycle.


Gozal- Happy Hanukkah! (Tomorrow, right?) I'm glad you got back on your feet, I felt the same way after my first Clomid cycle (and my second, to be honest)... It just never gets any easier, there is no explaination... hopefully your BFP cycle is coming right up. Yay for insurance covering most of you stuff. So are you off everything this cycle too or just doing everything else without monitoring?


Sourire- Darn that Crinone,  I can't believe you are still spotting with the Crinone... I hope the test tomorrow surprises you!


brichole- hi cycle buddy, hope to catch up in a few days. I'm glad your baby girls got out safely even with c-section, I wish you were able to VBAC- the healthcare system is so screwed up...


Jukim- Hugs to you too- I hate all these BFNs... We need some better luck next cycle to spice things up around here!


deborah- thanks for sharing your story- what a hard life, I agree with sourire- it does make it easier to read knowing you're growing your own twinkles now.


Renavoo, Monkey, Gemmine, Chica- thinking of you all innocent.gif


AFM- Forgot to eat my pineapple yesterday- oops! I talked to my nurse because I was having pain after the IUI that lasted for 3 more days but it seems to be mostly gone today. No signs or symptoms yet, just feeling tempermental from the progesterone... 3rd times the charm, come on sticky bean...



post #230 of 267

Thanks for all the hugs and sentiments ladies grouphug.gif.....I'm on vacation from work for a month from today, will be celebrating my 3rd anniversary on New Years day and will be travelling to St. Vincent to celebrate... so hopefully third time's a charm!praying.gif...Hope to hear some BFPs from all of you sooner rather than later.

post #231 of 267

deborah - That's so cute about your dh! I love that he's so excited about being a dad.
Thank you for sharing your story with us. That is so much to go through! I could relate to a lot of your experiences even though I have PCOS and not endo. Your poem was so strong.


renavoo - I managed to hold out until today, which ended up being a good thing. As hard as it was to hear the negative result, it was nice to still have some hope over the weekend.
I never had an applicator for the progesterone, but I can definitely see how that would be irritating. I think it must have just been a reaction to the medication. I'm going to have a break from it for a while (clinic is closed this cycle, so I have to wait until the next).
I have an ankle that's the same way (it re-injures itself about twice a year and needs to be 'fixed' with surgery, but I'm too scared) and yeah, no heels for this lady. I get so jealous of ladies who can rock the tall heels.


jukin - Thanks for the prayers. I really appreciate all the support here.
I hope this is the cycle you get your BFP!


cbaa - the cramping is actually still here even though I stopped the progesterone last night. I was sure it was implantation because it started 7 dpo so it seemed right. If it's not gone in a couple days, I'm going to see someone about it because it is very painful and umcomfortable.
I'm so sorry that you have to start the Prometrium. I know it's a necessary evil, but I really do understand dreading the side effects.
I think you did handle the situation the right way. The fact that you're concerned about it shows that you're a caring and supportive friend. I definitely think in our situations, it is normal to think those things. I know nobody else's fertility is related to my own, but I often think about how unfair it is that we struggle so much when others are struggling for the opposite reason.


Sourire - Are you going to test tomorrow? I hope you do get your BFP, especially since I didn't get one this cycle. I'm taking a break next cycle too. I don't really want to, but the clinic is closed for the holidays until Jan. 12. I hope you enjoy your travels!
Thanks for the heads up. I will definitely see a doc if it continues. It's still here after being off the Progesterone for 24 hours and isn't getting any better at all. I wonder if it is an infection.

brichole - I'm glad you made it through the in-law visit okay!
I ended up waiting for the beta and I'm glad I did since it gave me a couple extra days with hope still there.
I'm so sorry your family is so unsupportive. It doesn't matter how they feel about this, this is your and your dh's decision. I hate that they are putting their opinions into such a personal matter.
I'm with you on hating the 2ww! I hope you have some nice distractions and make it through okay! I'll be sending prayers your way.


gozal - I'm sorry this was such a hard cycle. When you wrote "It was my first medicated cycle and I responded so well, only to have nothing come of it." I literally said "YES!" out loud. I am in the same situation. Responding well to the meds, but still nothing. It's hard and frustrating, isn't it? I'm glad you have a plan in place, but I hope this next cycle is the one and you won't have to worry about it.

AFM, I want to thank you all for the sweet messages and hugs. I really appreciate all the support and understanding. I don't know how I would make it through all of this without this place. I'm really upset about this BFN, of coures, but especially since I thought this cycle was going so well. I had two lead follicles that ended up being a great size, so I was hopeful that at least one of them would take. I also had that abdominal pain and cramping with spotting starting about 7 dpo, so it made sense that it could be from implantation. I was completely convinced it was. My symptoms were a lot different than last time as well and I just felt *different*. I was sure we'd get a BFP, up until Saturday where I suddenly felt like the test would be negative. I think that's what kept me from testing on the weekend. I almost didn't need to listen to the message when I called my mailbox, I knew what she was going to say. Dp is very upset about how things are going, mostly because the RE was overly optimistic and made it sound like it would be so easy for us to get pregnant once we started with the meds and IUI. She called us an 'easy case'. He is just sort of stunned that it didn't work again.
chica - a December BFN does seem harder. I'm glad for the few days before having family around, but I'm definitely not looking forward to that anymore. I am normally a holiday lover and get really into it, but right now I kind of just want to sleep through it all.
cbaa - Unfortunately the clinic is closed from tomorrow until January 12th (downtown clinic re-opens on the 9th). If last cycle is any indication, AF will arrive in about three days, so we're forced to take the cycle off. What I'm worried about is that I won't get AF after being off the meds for the cycle. I guess we'll cross that bridge when we come to it though. As far as I know we're on the same plan for the next cycle we do. I'm debating whether I want to see the RE again before to talk plans, or wait another cycle and re-think things if it doesn't work again. I feel sort of disconnected since everything while cycling is done through messages left on a mailbox I call in to and the messages are not left by the RE. We've only ever met with the RE twice (initially, and then to get all our results and decide how to approach this).

post #232 of 267

Shesaidboom, hug2.gif I'm so sad because I was so hopeful for you. I was so sure that you would be telling us you had a BFP. How depressing that that did not come true. I hope that maybe you get a free baby next month. Before Clomid, I had cycles of up to 60 days. After clomid and vitamin D supplementation (I was severely Vit D deficient- have you ever been tested? It was so odd for me because I drink a lot of milk but I was still deficient!) my cycles normalized to be about 28 days. I hope that this will happen to you as well! I totally get what you mean about wanting to sleep through the holiday but my hope is that it is so much fun that you enjoy it and forget the stress, even for a little while. BIG HUGS and I'm thinking of you!


Sourire, COME ON BFP! We need some happy news!


Cbaa, ugh about the progesterone making you tempermental...all these drugs are just exhausting. Sometimes I felt positively bipolar! But it'll all be worth it in the end and i'm hoping for you BFP. When did you start eating your pineapple core? I always started the day before transfer so around 4-5 days post ovulation because that is when implantation typically occurs.


Gozal, hug2.gif I said it before and I'll say it again. You're an inspiration to me. You're such a strong person and you've held yourself with such grace through trying times. I'm hoping that things work out for you so you get your free baby this month!


I don't know if freezing causes the pineapple to lose all the bromelain but i saw eat it. No harm no foul and anyway, it'll be a nice frozen treat. haha I think I may be the only one that actually enjoyed the pineapple core because I felt like i was eating a lot of fiber.


Jukim, Yah for having some time off! I'm hoping that that time gives you and DH plenty of time to be together and enjoy each other before your BFP. Here's hoping for a BFP!


Brichole, awww i'm going to miss you before Thursday! But I wanted to say, in case you checked, CONGRATS on first shift!! I know your schedule was always a little crazy so having first shift sounds great. The fact that you got it all by yourself by being the best, even though you haven't been there the longest, says so much for you. As for the surgery, I really hope you get a sticky bean too so you don't have to worry about the downpayment. (3000?! are they crazy? compared to what you were going to have to pay before? ugh!)


Rcr, Monkey, Chica, how are you ladies doing? I hope all is going well!!


I'm thinking of all you ladies and hoping hoping hoping for some holiday and new year miracles!


post #233 of 267
BFN this morning. On to my break cycle and then IUI. Oh and now I can drink during the holidays!
post #234 of 267

Shesaidboom- Not surprising that you could relate to a lot of my story since you have PCOS. They both can end up in long, painful periods and difficulty with fertility. I have a friend who was recently diagnosed with PCOS (or at least suspected PCOS).

post #235 of 267

So, yay. My Estradiol numbers were great without the patches- 1502! (Not as high as before, but the nurse said they were great numbers). I don't have to figure out what to do about having enough Estrogen to support the pregnancy!

post #236 of 267

Sourire, hug2.gif but I'm so happy you're looking at the bright side!! Enjoy your drinks this holiday season!  joy.gif

post #237 of 267

Sourire- Sorry about the BFN. Enjoy your alcohol-laden egg nog (or whatever your drink of choice is!)

post #238 of 267

Just stopping by quickly to say hug2.gif to sourire and shesaidboom. I was really hopeful for you ladies this cycle, and really sad to hear the BFN news.


AFM, reading along occasionally, but having a difficult (though improving) time with the morning sickness. I also have a dh who has the odd idea he ought to have time to "play" with me, since he's off work. I will get back to you ladies eventually, I promise! Hoping and praying for BFPs and happy holidays!

post #239 of 267

wave.gif  Hi ladies!!! I feel like i've been gone for ever but it's only been a couple of days!!! I'm happy that everyone is doing good and moving on to new cycles with up lifted spirits!!!  I really hope the new year brings new babies!!!!!  Now time to catch up with everyone!!!


Renavoo:  Thank you! I am super excited that I got 1st shift BUT my first month of working is SOOOOOO jacked up!!! I work January 1st on day shift then i'm off the 2nd and the 3rd then i work the 4th & 5th on 2nd shift, returning to 1st shift on the 6th thru the 11th, get 2 off days on the 12th and 13th, back to work on the 14th and work thru the 24th, off again on the 25th and 26th, work the 27th thru february 1st then get my NORMAL off days on the 2nd and 3rd of February THEN i will FINALLY be on my normal shift!!  I have 6 days off all month...which i guess isn't too bad, but i'm use to having anywhere from 8 to 10 days off a month...so this is going to be a little different. There is a stretch where i work 11 days straight without an off day...but at least those days are all going to be spent on day shift so i will at least still get to see my family! 


Shesaidboom:  I am praying that you and DP get your BFP come the first of the year!! That would just be WONDERFUL!!!


Sourire:  I hope you enjoy your holidays and drink it up!!! HEHE


Cbaa:  YAY FOR CYCLE BUDDIES!! I'm about to go nuts waiting for this sunday to get here.  AF hasn't given any indications that she is on her way yet, but that doesn't really mean much for me...i usually don't get crampy and bloated until the DAY she shows up!! PLEASE LET HER STAY AWAY FOR CHRISTMAS!!! I want us to get our BFPs.  When do you have your Beta done, or are you going to test at home this weekend?


Deborah:  Yay for your numbers being good even though you can't use your patches!! :)  I hope the little ones are being nice to you


Gozal:  I hope that your next cycle works out for yoU!!! I'm sooooooooo pulling for you!!! :)


AFM:  I'm on CD21 and 8DPO today...i'm kinda ready to go ahead and test but then again i'm really really tired of getting BFNs!!! In just 3 short months I will have been TTC for a Year again and it's really frustrating because DH is still not wanting to talk about doing fertility treatements at this point.  I've almost thought about calling the clinic to see if i could at least come in to meet with the RE but I don't know how long that will take to get in without being refered by my GYN.  I am planning on making an appointment for the first of the year to see my GYN so maybe we can talk more then about my fears of it taking us another 3 years to get pregnant and see if he's going to make me wait that long again this time.  We'll see.   I think i'm going to go buy a couple of tests this afternoon so that I can have a couple on hand just incase AF doesn't show up on Sunday...heck i'll probably test satruday anyways lol.  I didn't get a BFP with DD#1 until i was 10 weeks pregnant or so but i tested and got a BFP at 10DP trigger with Emma, so who knows lol.  I am just ready to know so i can either enjoy christmas with my family or if i'm going to have to forgo the drinks...



post #240 of 267
I've been chart stalking all you ladies!

Brichole - I hope you get your BFP this weekend. I don't think I've ever seen so much BDing on a chart before - you go girl!

Cbaa - how are things going with prometrium this month? I can't tell you how relieved I am to have stopped taking that stuff on Tuesday. I am in such a great mood without progesterone to bring me down.

Gozal - Are you taking a break cycle too this month? I think I missed that part. will you be continuing the clomid next cycle?

Shesaidboom - are you feeling better yet honey? I've had months when a BFN had me crying/depressed for over a week. I hope the holidays cheer you up and take your mind off things. By the way do you have a chart for the rest of us to stalk?

Chica - how's your new cycle going? By the way I noticed that your chart link on the front page is actually a link to my chart, gozal you might want to fix that.

Gemmine - how are you holding out for the 2ww?

What are everyone's plans for the holidays?

I have 2 more days of work left then I'm off for 2 weeks! I also just found out that my work has upgraded me from 3 weeks of vacation per year to 4 starting in 2012 which is so exciting!!!

On Sunday DH and I are flying halfway across the country to see my family. I can't wait to see my sisters because I've been missing them like crazy, though I hope I'm ok around SIL who is about 11 weeks pregnant and also I'm not looking forward to seeing my mom because she pisses me off. She's been acting like a jerk to the whole family ever since her and my dad got divorced a couple of years ago and she really doesn't understand what I've been going through with the infertility and hasn't been very supportive.
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Mothering › Mothering Forums › Pregnancy and Birth › Fertility › Infertility › ~ DECEMBER 2011 INFERTILITY ONE THREAD ~