After six and a half years I think I am done. I have such mixed feelings about it, and of course there is no other place I could share my thoughts about weaning a 4.5 year old. Nursing my dd was a delight, and after the first few painful days and practice getting a decent latch, things were great and she nursed like a maniac. Her latch was never great and I had frequent plugged ducts, but no infections. She was fat and happy and I felt so proud that every pound she gained came directly from me. She weaned when I was three months pregnant with my son and I was devastated, but also comforted in the knowledge that another baby to feed was on the way.
My son was a totally different sort of feeder and we had struggles, that in hindsight were mostly unnecessary. He was born an average weight and by 12 weeks had started falling lower and lower on the growth chart until eventually he was below the 3rd percentile. His body shape was just like his father and uncles and cousins and I should have known better than to get stressed out by the doctor's concerns and frequent visits to the clinic at Children's Hospital. I visited lactation consultants and the breastfeeding clinic and got lots of support and thankfully nobody ever mentioned supplementing. I now know he was just evolving into the brilliant, happy, strong and lean little person he was always meant to be. He was also a bit neurotic in that he would only nurse in my silent, darkened bedroom lying on the bed for the first 8 months. This may have been a result of the stress we'd been through together but it made me feel completely tied to the house - even more difficult as I also had a two year old. The first time we went on an overnight trip I was unsure if I would even be able to get him to nurse, but he did and slowly we were able to nurse in more places. By the time he was 18 months he wanted milk constantly. At the playground he would point to the bench and say "Sit, Mommy. I nurts now." He would have nursed 15 times a day from then until he was about 3, when I gradually started putting some limits on when and where. By the time he was 3.5 we were down to just bedtime. I felt somewhat guilty about not pursuing CLW with more dedication, but was starting to feel that my kid was going to be the one who weaned at 7 years old. I guess I hadn't really anticipated that when I chose extended breastfeeding.
Last week he had oral surgery to remove an extra adult tooth. Post-op instructions restricted his "smoking, drinking from a straw, and any other form of sucking". It's now been over a week and he hasn't asked to nurse, even at bedtime. I am going away for the weekend without him and by the time I get back it will have been two weeks. I am sad, of course, but also happy that (so far, knock on wood) things have been fairly painless for both of us. I feel like I'm at such a turning point as a Mother. Next year he starts full time kindergarten and I will no longer have babies at home. I don't yet know what the future will bring, but now I understand the warm smiles from the old ladies who have always told me that "these will be the happiest years of your life - when your babies are small. Enjoy it, because it's over in the blink of an eye". And although I look forward to the adventures ahead, it is so bittersweet to leave this phase of life behind.
