Please help me help the adorable little boy I babysit - AP, Food Issues, Etc.

[BabyMae09]

He is about a year old. His Mom had to put him in daycare when he was around 2 months old. The woman who has been watching him has at least 4 other kids that she takes care of. This little boy's Mom and Dad hired me to watch him 1 day a week, so we can see if I am a better fit than their current care provider. I'm fine with that arrangement.

His parents hired me partially because I have experience with healing touch, and they're a little worried about their baby, because they say he's not affectionate, among other issues.

What is bothering me is that they feed him gerber graduates, formula with soy/corn in it, etc. They specifically hired me because I'm crunchy/natural/aware of food, co-sleeping, etc. He has pimples (the small kind with no real head to speak of), and a distended belly almost every time I see him.

Come to find out they have him sleep in a crib (he was banging his head on it the first time I watched him, so I picked him up and he fell asleep in my arms).

He is such a smart little guy, but he seems so out of it. Like, sedated almost. For example, he'll sit, in one spot, for an hour. Just sit. Nothing else. Today is my second time watching him, so I decided to see what he'd do if I didn't play with him, but left him to his own devices. I was sitting within a couple feet of him, just not playing with him. I wanted to see what he'd do.

He sat. And laid down. And threw a couple things. No crying, no whining, just sitting. He wasn't even looking around, really, just sitting. He's not sick, and has been like this each time I've seen him. I just thought he was mellow, but now that I've spent more time with him, it's clear that it is more than that.

I know some kids are just more mellow, but this seems extreme.

I got a little rambly there, sorry. Anyway, his parents and I are what I'd term 'close aquaintences' - I'd never been to their house before watching their son, but we get along well and have seen each other socially a few times.

My question has a couple parts:

1. Do I say anything to them about my hunch that their son has food allergies? And if so, how to broach the topic? They're feeding him every single allergen in the book: wheat, soy, corn, etc. All GMO and all with 100 ingredients. Poor baby. He hasn't had any breast milk in at least a few months.

2. I know his Mom is sad about having to have him in daycare. So should I suggest that part of the reason he's 'not affectionate' is because he doesn't see them enough, and that co-sleeping could help?

3. The kid is totally affectionate. He loves to be held, rocked, snuggled, the whole bit. How do I address that with them?

[Imakcerka]

I don't know... I think telling them that on day 2 might seem a little forward.  Why not spend more time with him and maybe even ask if they minded if you tried fresh foods with him.  I wouldn't tell them it's because they're doing it all wrong.  Just ask and let them know you want to see if it helps him at all.  They're already concerned.  I don't think they want to be told on day two that you feel they are doing it all wrong. 

[DaisyMae08]

I'm not sure what sleeping in a crib has to do with how affectionate he is or whether or not he has food allergies.  Maybe you're just suggesting that co-sleeping might help them bond more?  In any case, I agree with the previous poster who suggested that you spend a little bit more time with him before making suggestions.  They're obviously interested in finding a better arrangment for their baby or you wouldn't be watching him 1 day/week so it's likely they'll be open to your ideas.  Just take your time and share your thoughts in a tactful way. 

[BabyMae09]

I wasn't going to talk to them today, LOL. That would be forward. I just want to start thinking about what I might say if the chance comes up and they seem open to talking.

I forgot to say, the reason they are feeding him that type of food is because his Dad is worried about radiation from the power plant in Japan polluting rainwater that's been polluting crops since April. So they bought a bunch of food that's pre-fukashama.

Anyway. I'm fine with that, everybody has their thing that freaks them out. But I really think the food he's eating is causing at least the pimples.

I was able to glean some more information today, which helped me understand them better. Basically it's all the same stuff, but it clarified what I already thought.

So... he is totally good all day, super sweet, no crying. Then his Mom walks in and he starts freaking out - crying, screaming, throwing himself around the whole bit. I was so sad for her.

Do you think if she started co-sleeping with him again that he might be more calm and attached to her during the day?

[Imakcerka]

Lots of kids act out when their parents show up.  It's a daycare thing. 

[DaisyMae08]

I think a lot of kids react that way when their parents show up.  They've held it together all day long for their caregiver and then when Mom comes in, it's time to let it all out.  She's his safe place to unload, if you know what I mean.  So it sucks for her, but it's kind of a compliment,

really.

Edited by DaisyMae08 - 12/3/11 at 10:35am

[~Adorkable~]

a few thoughts,

it seems the parents have hired you because they want your help, so they will probably be open to your slowly changing a few things around him and making suggestions, that being said most parents will not want to hear that they are doing everything wrong, specially if they dont feel like they can change it. so go slow and start with just being the way you think he will respond well to whenever you are there, if he loves you they will be way more open the everything else.

work at not mixing unrelated concerns or thoughts, take each thing separately. and always offer a solution rather than just point out a wrong way.

as for your particular points of concern:

1.

there is nothing wrong with cribs, just like there is nothing wrong with cosleeping.

at one year old he is not being unloved just beasue he is in a crib. thats not to say that he might really need the benefit from some extra cuddles. but if they have not sleep with him this whole time or in a very long time, it might not be really realistic or safe to start up again now. he is probably very mobile and still wobbly at this age and their bedroom just may not be one that can be made baby friendly. my babies are 11 months right now and i have sidecarred, cosleep and cribbed at various times throughout the year and i can tell you that right now is the hardest for finding a good set up, they are really in a get into trouble phase.

maybe the snuggles can happen in other ways, like morning snuggle time once everyone is awake a few minutes extra before work or a stretched out bedtime routine.

2.

while i agree that some fresher food will do everyone good and i wouldn't personally feed my young kid a lot of soy, pimples dont nessisariely mean food allergy, i find it strange how MDC threads go to a food allergy so fast, are we as a human race so fragile that we are now all allergic to so many foods? (soy for instance can not be good for you even if you have no allergy to it) it could be as simple as the soap they are using to the weather. my nearly exclusively breastfeed babies had a bit of it a few weeks ago because the weather turned and the house dried out big time, a few days after the weather stabilized and i got in the habit of a warm washcloth to the face during diaper changes and it was quickly gone.

focus on fresh food cause it is better all around and also give a look at what else comes in contact with him. 

3.

activities are so important, when i watch my twins explore i really see how boredom could came something bordering on lethargy. does he have good things to play with? does to have to be fancy as long as it is varied. how is he for hitting his milestones? when you do play with him does he engage and respond in  way that seems normal for his age?

out of everything you have said, it is this area that would make me worried, i would want to work on this fast.

4.

fussing for mom is soooooo normal. 

I'm with my kids all day every day and in the evening when dad is playing ith them and i walk into the room they often break out in to fussy little tantrums on the spot. from what i can tell it is because i am so often the one who soothes them, so my presence reminds them that they are tired or hungry or needing that soothing.

make sure you reassure the mom that this is normal, she does not deserve to feel like this is a bad reflection on her, i sincerely doubt it is

All in al this baby is lucky to have you come into his life, you clearly care a lot about how to be there for him, take it slow and make sure you keep an open mind, the same as you are hoping the parents do.

[RStelle]

From what you've described it sounds like they are making some different parenting choices than what you or I would make, but it doesn't sound bad, particularly. My DD had a ton of pimples for a long time and she was ebf, plenty of babies eat Gerber and are fine and pimple free, although if they ask your opinion you can always tell them that you think organic is better and co-sleeping can help with bonding, etc.  The first few times my mom watched DD on her own DD did a similar kind of spaced out thing, it can be a coping mechanism to help them deal until they feel more comfortable. Daycare and even just being away from parents is often very hard on babies, it often leads to some behavioral issues, in my experience.