What is going on with m DS? Is there any affiliated 'disorder' for this behaviour?

[Mama_2_Boy]

Long story short, my son is almost 7.  Last year in grade 1 from pressue by the school, we got him tested with the Conners 3.  From that test, and without even meeting my son, the school physcologyst met me and DH and told us it was pretty clear that DS was exhibiting signs of ADHD and we should consider medication.

We did not medicate.

This year in grade 2 he is doing better in some areas and allot less disruptance but more defiant now.  I've had several discussions with him about it and he says he just doesn't like school.  Well one nite I purchased a bunch of things and told him he could have them if he tried completing the work assigned.  Well let me tell you, he completed, with no errors, math work in record time.  He BREEZED through it.  Another thing that he keeps doing is he decides what is ok and not ok regardless of the rules.  He gets in trouble at school for this and when we question him it's because he has his OWN reasoning for why it's okay.  For example; we had an issue with the dog getting out where my son was playing, and she did not stay with him and took off.  I finally caught her and tied her up outside and told him "she can not be loose, she'll run away and might get hit by a car'.  He suggested we leave her inside and I told him if he plays outside in the back with her, then it's fine for her to be out.  5 minutes go by, I look out, and he let her off the dog run!! I go barreling out running around the property like a mad woman, trying to get the dog again and finally get her.  I go to the back and question him "what were you doing, why did you let her off??" and he tells me because he thought she would stay in the yard with him.  I just looked at him confused, and reiterated "I told you she can't be loose,  you heard me right??"  "Yes" he says "but I thought she would stay with me".

What is going on here?  He does this all the time at school and at home where he is told to do something or not do something and then rationalizes it in his head about doing it the other way, it woud seem?  I'm at my witt's end.  It doesn't seem like any amount of punishment (i.e. we take away tv time or something else he enjoys).  We are trying to get him in for some other testing at a clinic that will spend an entire day with him in a class room setting, but they are so backed up we might not see getting an appointment till February.

Do any of you have any insight into this?  Sorry for the long winded post, I hope someone can chime in.

Thanks in advance.

[RJ11]

Not to make light of your situation but that example sounds like a typical boy to me. Like a boy can read a sign that says "wet paint" but still has to stick his fingers in it to check. You might want to read this book called "The trouble with boys" If anything it may help you stay a little more sane! Best of luck!

http://www.amazon.com/Trouble-Boys-Surprising-Problems-Educators/dp/0307381293/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1322961381&sr=1-1

[Mirzam]

Originally Posted by RJ11 

Not to make light of your situation but that example sounds like a typical boy to me. Like a boy can read a sign that says "wet paint" but still has to stick his fingers in it to check. You might want to read this book called "The trouble with boys" If anything it may help you stay a little more sane! Best of luck!

http://www.amazon.com/Trouble-Boys-Surprising-Problems-Educators/dp/0307381293/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1322961381&sr=1-1

I agree, my NT 11 yo could have easily done something like that.  Obviously you know your son and his situation but it really didn't strike me as a disorder as such. Kids will be kids as frustrating as it is to us adults! 

[RiverTam]

Have you had him screened for giftedness?  

[Emmeline II]

Evaluations like Connors are only for collecting information, not for a direct diagnosis so to the school psychologist. Connors is also only for identifying hyperactive children so it's limited in it's helpfulness.

We waited for our hospital clinic appointment here for 9 months, so 3 months isn't that far off . I see similarities in the way your ds thinks and my ds (7.5) years who has and ADHD diagnosis and is likely Asperger's as well; either of those is often accompanied by a difficulty with information processing and ADHD is pretty much defined by difficulty with executive functioning. We did start medication at 6.5 at the start of 1st grade as he could not function at school (also significantly aggressive), I couldn't take him out alone due to his tantrums, and his "rule making" led him to believe it was ok to do things like practice "firebending" in his Aunt's bathroom, since there was no carpet and water was available to put out the fire. At the same time we started the medication ds also started CBT therapy.

I sent you a pm with some links to essays on ADHD and children which you may find helpful. I also recommend reading "From Emotions to Advocacy" from Wrightslaw.com; it may be available at your library, if not the cheapest copy I've found is the Kindle/PC option at Amazon.

While you are waiting for the clinic you can also request a "real" evaluation (not just Conners) through the school. But, you need to "start the clock"; the school has 60 days from the date they received parental consent for the evaluation to do one. My ds started out at his second school (1st grade, we left the school where he attended K) with a 504, and started the school eval process last may. At the time I was most interested in behavioral protections and support (as he was thisclose to a disciplinary hearing) and speech therapy; he recently started speech therapy at school for social reciprocity and pragmatics. The school will be doing another day of evals in January.
 

On another note, in my training, I emphasize to parents that the clock does not run from the date of the request for the evaluation, but instead, as the statute reads, it begins to run upon “receiving parental consent for the evaluation.” In other words, have your written request also note that this letter is the consent for the evaluation. (And, if you did not do it in writing, it never happened!)
Determining Eligibility: How Many Days is 60 Days? - Wrightslaw

Keep copies of all correspondence, log all phone calls, and keep note of the date/time/receiver of any letters you drop off at the school.

Attention and Learning Problems: When You See One, Look for the Other

How AD/HD Affects Learning

The Art of Writing Letters by Pam and Pete Wright - Advocacy ...

Ask the Advocate: Why Do Schools Draw Lines in the Sand ...

A Parent Guide to RTI

Procedural Safeguards in IDEA 2004 with commentary by Pete Wright. (pdf)
Parent advocate Pat Howey offers advice about power struggles, conflict, parent power, and how to use power wisely.
Parent attorney Sonja Kerr offers valuable tips about how to handle stonewalling at school meetings.

[Mama_2_Boy]

Originally Posted by RJ11 

Not to make light of your situation but that example sounds like a typical boy to me. Like a boy can read a sign that says "wet paint" but still has to stick his fingers in it to check. You might want to read this book called "The trouble with boys" If anything it may help you stay a little more sane! Best of luck!

http://www.amazon.com/Trouble-Boys-Surprising-Problems-Educators/dp/0307381293/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1322961381&sr=1-1

Thank you for your comment, and I do not feel like you are making light of this, it's just that we are getting so much pressure from the school to get him treated.  I asked his teacher "do all your kids sit still and not disrupt?" and she said only one other (out of 9 kids).  How do you get children to sit so still all day??  I can't figure it out?

[Mama_2_Boy]

Originally Posted by RiverTam 

Have you had him screened for giftedness?  

We have not and honestly I have not frame of reference to what 'gifted' entails?  I will try to research this later.

[Imakcerka]

We're going through this and it's gotten better.  The school kept pushing and I pushed back.  DD currently has a very kind and patient teacher.  I do know that not all teachers will be like that.  For one you need to stop stressing about the school being pushy.  The important person is your son and how he's handling the situation.  Since he's 7 I wouldn't be too worried about waiting a few months.  And as far as getting a diagonosis for the school...  You'll get it when you get it.