Desiring Homebirth

[DominicaMama]

Hi all,

My husband I are living in Dominica (3rd world country in the West Indies--NOT Dominican Republic), and I am 24 weeks pregnant  (6 months) with our first baby. Here's my story:  I've done nothing but, research, research, research. I am to the conclusion that a homebirth was right for us.  I so crave it in my soul and desire it whole-heartedly.  I trust it.  My husband is supportive and so very loving.

Our obstacles are many, and I'm saying frankly I'm going to need a MIRACLE (in addition to the little baby himself!:)) to pull this off.  We don't have a birth attendant.  Apparently the midwives here don't "do" homebirths any more "because they don't possess the legally required equipment"..Let alone the few OB's (the major authority over the midwives here) at the hospital don't like homebirths- especially for first time moms.  We've searched high and low for midwife. I've spent HOURS of DAYS on the net trying to contact hundreds of midwives and midwivery organizations around the world, to no avail.  I found only two midwives considering to travel to us, but it was going to cost us a lot of $$---too much for us.

Everywhere just seems to come to a dead end, and it feels like all I've done is beg for help.  I still have hope and faith for something to work out, but I have to put it in God's hands. I still want this SO bad. Just when I was starting to accept the possibility of making peace with having a "natural, hands-off hospital birth", my doctor mentioned to me just the other day that should my baby remain in the breech position when it comes time to give birth, I was guaranteed an automatic c-section at the hospital here. Oh, and I so don't want that. Please God, especially not for my first.  There aren't any other hospitals to go to.  My doctor is nice enough but she won't support the homebirth because "it's my first birth". 

I'm just reading and feeding on this positive stuff. I know my body and my baby can do it, and do it well!  Just having a hard time figuring how it will all play out. Thank you all for taking the time to read. I guess I'm mostly just looking for kind words.  Please no judgement or criticism in the form of "advice". :( God bless!

~Nikcole

[eirual]

What a frustrating situation to be in. Have you visited the Unassissted Childbirth forum here? It takes a lot of research and a strong commitment, but it may be an option for you?

Good luck, mama!! I wish you the gentle, natural birth you (rightly) crave.

[blessedwithboys]

In your shoes, I would UC.

[Everlong753]

I was also going to suggest to looking to an unassisted/freebirth.  If you start planning for one and getting prepared now you will have enough time to gather supplies, do research, take a cpr class and mentally/emotionally prepare vs waiting too long to go to the hospital out of fear and possibly ending up in a situation you're not prepared for or that is unsafe. 

Even if you don't want a UC, I would still think about doing those things to prepare for one anyways so that you can plan to labor at home as long as possible ( or even in the parking lot of the hospital) and in the event you don't make it to the hospital in time, you're ready for that little one. 

I wish you all the luck in finding the support person you need, and the strength to make the best decision for your family. 

[DominicaMama]

That is an interesting option.  I've become somewhat aware of UC. It's not my first preference, and the biggest reason I haven't considered it more seriously is that my husband is definitley not ok with it (but he's fully supportive otherwise). I would be interested in at least perhaps doing a little potential preparation, however (definitley couldn't hurt!),--can you refer me to any resources?

Thank you! God bless!

Nikcole 

[BroodyWoodsgal]

I've gotta agree with the ladies who have posted upthread....if, somehow someway, you can't make this happen with a birth attendant....I would UC before I'd go to the hospital. (but I have to tell you, I would rather UC anyway, the only reason I HB with a MW is because my DH isn't completely cool with UC and I like him to be "completely cool"). Do you know much about the hospital/medical care there? Is it bad?? Is their equipment good? You say third world....HOW third world? That's hard for me to really make sense of and I don't want to assume too much! ;)

Are there no "underground" attendants or doulas who would come?  Are you a native of this island? If not, do you have strong native connections...can you ask around about lay attendants? If you are okay freebirthing, but your DH really wants someone at least "birth knowledgeable" there, maybe you can invite an underground/lay midwife and prepare for a UC and kind of request that this person is more "hands off"??

Listen, I would feel more comfortable UCing, than inviting a "shaky at best" lay midwife (don't have ANYTHING against direct entry, lay or illegal midwives I know....I just don't know how comfortable I'd feel in the OPs shoes, because I'm not in them) if I felt that person might get pushy and botch things or if I didn't feel strong enough in my own self that I would bend to her will and let her boss me during my birth (if that was what she ended up doing)....do you understand what I'm saying?

I guess what I'm really saying....is if you are not "mousey" about this, if you really GET that you CAN do this and you feel that with every fiber of your being, if you are DEEPLY drawn to this method of birthing (at home or UC) and you stand strong in your conviction that you know what the hell you're doing....you need to continue to go down the path you're on, educate the crap out of yourself...make that miracle happen....whether it's finding someone to come, or helping your DH to see the beauty and strengths in planned UC.

Become an unstoppable force, intent upon your goal....and like a train, you roll right through whatever hurdles stand in your way. Do not become illogical or confused in your conviction....there must always be room for change and figuring out a new way in birthing situations (even if that new way is not THE way you wanted) - but if you are SO clear, if this is THE thing for you....I would listen to that crystal clear inner voice telling you to make this happen.

http://www.unassistedchildbirth.com/uc/

I find this link a good place to start. This site is certainly not the end all...but it gives good history on UC, information and pictures and stories and will give you a lot to soak in and think about.

Good luck. You CAN do this. If it is what is meant for you, you will find a way to birth this baby at home.....I have a hard time, living in a world, where the choices are so few for some mamas. I hate thinking that mamas out in the world have to choose between two or more options that don't feel completely safe for them. You should be able to give birth wherever you want to....and I'm sad that you're having so much trouble making it happen the way you want....but I say that with a smile on my lips, because you are being tested, in these trials, and prepared for all the wonderful, wild, hard and unthinkable things that will happen in your labor, birthing time and parenting of this new baby. You are becoming a mother, right this very second, as you hold tight to your conviction and race forward toward the horizon only you can see. You know the way, mama, don't let anything stupid or unfair stop you.

BLESSINGS and peace to you on your journey...it's going to be GREAT...can't you just FEEL IT!!??

[mammamo]

I agree and want to add, that baby still has PLENTY of time to turn head down!!

[katt]

is there anyway YOU can travel to an area that has access to care you prefer, take a vacation for about a month around your due date?

[RebekkaHarms]

I love your story and encourage you to not give up on the idea of a home birth.  Keep the faith, and God will be give you your desires.  I am a CranioSacral Fascia Therapist, and work with many pregnant women, as well as lots of babies.  Just a couple of weeks ago, I worked on a women 35 weeks pregnant and the baby was breech.  I did one session of therapy with her, and her baby turned.  She too was trying to avoid a C-section.  It can be done very naturally, and the body can do it on it's own.  Perhaps you could try to find a therapist in your area if you have found the baby still hasn't turned.  CranioSacral Fascia Therapy will relieve strains in your body, and by doing so, your body will be better prepared for a smoother delivery as well.  May God bless you!