Have not been on in awhile, but I feel like I am in a hole....

[sahmof2girls]

Well I guess  to start out, I grew up in a household with an alcoholic dad, a mom that defended him, and anxiety since forever.  I had night terrors as a child, and I think that it was just from such a chaotic household.  We did have great times, it wasn't always bad, but I wanted different for my kids.  I got married and started a family young.  It was not a good marriage, mentally abusive, I decided to get out, and rumors started flying...about ME.  Everyone assumed our marriage was great and that ex h was fab.  NOT true.  I got super depressed and felt so crappy that some of my lifelong friends took the side of a man they only knew for a few years.  I started drinking alot, I mean EVERY time the girls would go with their dad I would get blitzed.  I met a great guy about a year after I left my ex, and he was a god send.  I decided to go into rehab and deal with some of my dirty laundry.  I quit drinking.  I did NOT want to be my dad.  I have now been alcohol free for 4 years.  I had my son in 2008 with my dp, and life was looking up.  We have a great home, both have jobs.  But I hurt my back, and now have chronic pain.UGH  It is manageable most of the time, but I miss work a lot because of it.  Money has been tight and Christmas is coming, I just feel sad???  I don't really know how to explain how I feel.  My weight has gone up, I have headaches all the time, and some days I do not get out of my jammies.  I tried to talk to dp about it, but he just say's..you will feel better tomorrow.  I am frustrated, sad, mad, all at once.  I lose my patience like it's my job.  I do take anti depressents, but apparently I need therapy or something.  I know that I am not alone in this, but it is going on a couple months and I don't feel like I am going up. I don;t know what to do anymore.  I guess to know what others have done to get out of their ruts.  know that I am not alone.  so if you made it this far.....suggestions on what I can do.  Just to get going, not to feel like I am carrying around weights on my shoulders all the time.  Sorry it's so long, but I just needed to get it out.

Thanks

[applecider]

Just wanted to send

Sounds like you've been through a lot. Not sure if I'm much help about getting out of ruts because I seem to get into them often and can't stay out! I would say that since starting zoloft, it has helped tremendously. So maybe you need to go back to the doc and re-figure your meds?

Hang in there....

[JenniO11]

Also sending lots of hugs and hope.  Dealing with depression is hard and all those other stressors are weighing you down.  I would definitely say try to find a therapist who you feel comfortable with and to keep trying with your meds.  Don't give up on either - they can take time to work and you WILL have setbacks where you think "forget it, not working" - but keep trying and eventually something will work!  You are a great mama for knowing that you needed to get your life on track and for knowing that you need help now.  Stay as strong as you can!

[journeymom]

Your issues are probably being amplified by seasonal sadness.  I agree with the others, I urge you to go to your doctor and describe the same thing you told us, that you're still sad, that your back hurts (can be exacerbated by depression), etc.  A bigger dose might be in order, or add another med in addition to the existing med, or maybe try a different one altogether.

I take an antidepressant and a mood stabilizer, and discovered that I feel better if I cut back the dose in spring, and then increase the dose in fall.  I've done this for a couple years now and it helps deal with seasonal mood changes.  The fall/winter dose is too much for me in spring/summer; I end up jittery.  Not enough in fall and by November I'm getting weepy and morose.

Four years!  Good job, You! 

Your dh might not know how to respond when you talk to him about this.  He might think you're asking him to 'fix it' for you. Which he can't do, but what he can do is comfort you and support you.  Next time you need to talk to him, start by telling him, "I need to talk about what's on my mind, but I'm not asking you to do anything about it.  I just want you to listen to me and tell me you love me.  And get me chocolate."

[sahmof2girls]

Thanks for all your tips and advice, I really appreciate it!!! 

I should try a med change, I have been on zoloft for 3 years now.  I am probably just immune to it by now.  Right after I quit drinking, and was trying to "straighten" myself out, I also took depakote.  That actually seemed to help a lot, but I put it as the quitting drinking, so after my script was done I didn't continue it.   I also tend to miss my appts when i'm feeling crappy, so that doesn't help either. 

well good night ladies

[journeymom]

That's interesting that depakot was helpful. Mention it to your doctor.  It's used as a mood stabilizer, among other uses.  It's pretty potent and can be hard on the liver.  An alternative is Lamictal. 

[tanyam926]

How are you doing op? Any update?  When I was reading your post there were a lot of things that sound so familiar to my life. 

[sahmof2girls]

I am doing much better.  I have ups and downs.  I have just been doing things that I normally wouldn't when I feel icky.  Making myself get out of the house, making myself smile which eventually leads to laughter and those small things make a big change for me.

Plus MDC is wonderful to just poor out whatever you want on =)

[Mom31]

Hugs mama. I have been there- divorce- car accident- custody battle - chronic pain... .fibromyalgia..aa.... life of hell. I am in the aftermath now- even tho everything came together....

About the chronic pain- I started getting massage- we were poor so my mom paid for it and it worked wonders.  I still have pain since I have discs messed up but the muscle pain is much better....I would find a good therapist- not just a spa type one- but a more medical type one.

GOOD JOB ON 4 Years!!!!

I also have gone thru therapy and see an actual psychiatrist which helped me alot. I take zoloft and abilify.

I am not currently keeping up with therapy right now- tho I know I should but I feel like I did a lot with the time I had with it.... enough for now ya know.

Feel free to pm me but I am a big proponent of seeing an actual psychiatrist. If you had a broken leg you would go to an orthopedic ya know- you need a specialist to sort out your meds.