Well I guess to start out, I grew up in a household with an alcoholic dad, a mom that defended him, and anxiety since forever. I had night terrors as a child, and I think that it was just from such a chaotic household. We did have great times, it wasn't always bad, but I wanted different for my kids. I got married and started a family young. It was not a good marriage, mentally abusive, I decided to get out, and rumors started flying...about ME. Everyone assumed our marriage was great and that ex h was fab. NOT true. I got super depressed and felt so crappy that some of my lifelong friends took the side of a man they only knew for a few years. I started drinking alot, I mean EVERY time the girls would go with their dad I would get blitzed. I met a great guy about a year after I left my ex, and he was a god send. I decided to go into rehab and deal with some of my dirty laundry. I quit drinking. I did NOT want to be my dad. I have now been alcohol free for 4 years. I had my son in 2008 with my dp, and life was looking up. We have a great home, both have jobs. But I hurt my back, and now have chronic pain.UGH It is manageable most of the time, but I miss work a lot because of it. Money has been tight and Christmas is coming, I just feel sad??? I don't really know how to explain how I feel. My weight has gone up, I have headaches all the time, and some days I do not get out of my jammies. I tried to talk to dp about it, but he just say's..you will feel better tomorrow. I am frustrated, sad, mad, all at once. I lose my patience like it's my job. I do take anti depressents, but apparently I need therapy or something. I know that I am not alone in this, but it is going on a couple months and I don't feel like I am going up. I don;t know what to do anymore. I guess to know what others have done to get out of their ruts. know that I am not alone. so if you made it this far.....suggestions on what I can do. Just to get going, not to feel like I am carrying around weights on my shoulders all the time. Sorry it's so long, but I just needed to get it out.