Chat Thread 12/4-12/10 - Page 6

[Katico]

gender roles - It has surpised me that we have what look like very traditional roles.  I have a degree in Women's Studies!  My husband is the breadwinner and I stay home and raise babies and do all of the housework.  I don't feel traditional though....I feel kind of.....rebellious, prioritizing home and family and time spent  DIMyself over working for a paycheque.  and I find it hugely satisfying.  It is the work I love.    I will probably work in the future, when I have no little people to keep me busy, although the areas I am interested in  (advocacy in the areas of gender and poverty, sex work, etc) will never be about a big paycheque, ha!

However, despite our traditional roles, I actually do a lot of the "manly" things-  all of the fix-its and repairs around the home.  I love tools.  My husband?  not so much!  I also do all of the yardwork and digging and building that has to happen.  And it is a priority to me that our kids know they can be and do anything and that the things Daddy and I do aren't determined by our gender but rather our talents.  And we have a very diverse set of friends and family who truly represent every variation of relationship and the possibilities for both men and women.  We have many, many female friends who are academics, scientists, marathon runners.   And we have male friends who are artists, musicians, actors, daddies.  I'm proud when I think of the people we have surrounded ourselves with, actually - kind, passionate, talented people!

Trinket, I really liked this:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Trinket90 

And I certainly hope I can teach him there's nothing wrong with less traditional roles; just because we're traditional doesn't mean everyone is, and doesn't mean he has to be. If he wants to be a dancer or an artist or a fashion designer so be it--I hope he doesn't feel pressured away from those by those who seem to think "traditional" means "acceptable" and anything else isn't.

lifeguard:  I am amazed by you and your strength - I can't believe you compete, that is SO  cool!  

baby wool:  we love the smart wool socks, too.  DD has a pair of their knee socks and they are awesome, so warm and well made and they have fit her for over a year!

picking:  ohh, I am a picker too...DD1 had a very mild case of cradle cap and it drove me crazy!  I had to sit on my hands!!!  I try so hard not to pick at them!!

livacreature: I am so glad to hear your brother's surgery isn't as serious as you thought - let us know how he's doing!  Also, it's so great you can take baby along with your to work sometimes!  

Also, sending flowers "from" your baby?  Ohh, that would BUG ME big time!! That's just weird.  If anyone is going to send things "from" your baby it should be YOU!!!  It kind of reminds me of DD1's first christmas when my SIL took pictures from my FB of the baby and made everyone in the family giant photo calendars for xmas gifts......It was like, really?  NOT YOUR BABY.  

afm:  Claire has a dr's appt today, can't wait to see what she weighs.  It's also my 6wk PP visit, can't wait to get my birth control prescription.  We've been pretty active the past month and it's a nagging worry in the back of my head that we haven't been careful enough.  

Took the kids to a birthday party yesterday and holy hell, I'm still paying for it today.  MAJOR sugar overload and crazy noisy chaotic sensory blitz (huge piles of loud toys to play with and a loud movie in the background and soooo many kids).  Holy. Cow.  Sometimes I go to these things and it is so terribly obvious how differently we do things.  We always bring a "strange" gift - ours was the wooden toy and play silk in the huge pile of battery toys.  And my kid was the one who refused to eat the hot dogs, ate all the broccolli off the veg tray and then was SO confused by the cheesies she was served - she thought they were carrots, haha!!!  (eta:  I am not anal about these things, treats are fine at things like this, I just thought it was funny that she obviously had a very different set of food ideas than the other kids)  I had the baby in the ring sling, totally happy and asleep the whole time and the hosts and their family kept asking if I wanted to put her in the other room, where there was a crib.....like they were so confused why I would just carry her, ha! Anyway, last night was one giant sugar fueled meltdown and DD1 is still all out of sorts today.  Ugh.  

Ok, I need to confess something because it's been making me sick every time I think about it.  I got the girls ready to go to the party and we drove there, about 1/2 hr drive, mostly on the highway.  When we got there, I went to take the baby out of her carseat.....and realized I had never buckled her in.  I had just tucked her blanket over her.    Oh my god, it makes me want to throw up when I think about it.    TELL ME I'M NOT THE WORST MOTHER IN THE WORLD, PLEASE!
 

[not_telling]

livacreature - Hope your bro's surgery and recovery go really well.  And, yes, totally weird for someone else to give gifts "from" a baby that doesn't belong to them.

Katico - Re. the not buckling...totally reminded me of a story in Waiting for Birdy (Catherine Newman...if you haven't read it, it's a must-read)...they drive up some big twisty mountain road and at the top her toddler son asks why he isn't buckled in.  Her response in her own head was something along the lines of being too busy eating her raspberry danish.  I guess it happens and you will probably never ever ever have that happen again.  Eesh.

Was gonna say something about gender roles but will save for next post since my aunt will be here very soon to stay with Annika while I get myofascial work done....yay!

[~pi]

Katico, you are FAR from the worst mother in the world. That's a scary thing to have happen, but it happens to plenty of parents. I did it once with DS when he was a toddler. Fortunately, he didn't need to be strapped in that trip, but wow, it scared the crap out of me. I now automatically do a quick strap check (and, now that I have two kids, a head count) before starting the car.

[Snugglebugmom]

Originally Posted by Katico 

Ok, I need to confess something because it's been making me sick every time I think about it.  I got the girls ready to go to the party and we drove there, about 1/2 hr drive, mostly on the highway.  When we got there, I went to take the baby out of her carseat.....and realized I had never buckled her in.  I had just tucked her blanket over her.    Oh my god, it makes me want to throw up when I think about it.    TELL ME I'M NOT THE WORST MOTHER IN THE WORLD, PLEASE!
 

I have done that! I am still embarrassed about it, and it was almost six years ago. I never even fessed up to DH, I was so ashamed. It was on a really long drive, I had nursed my oldest in a parking lot and we stopped again very shortly after that, but for that bit of the trip she was just lying in the bucket car seat (one of those travel things that you can take out and put on the stroller, if that makes sense). I was mortified when I took her out. Still am, actually. I bet there are tons of us out there that have done it. Doesn't make it any less scary though. Hugs!!

[StephandOwen]

I forgot to strap my older ds in one time when he was a baby (right about this age too- he was also born in october and he switched to a convertable seat in mid-january). Same situation- covered the bucket carseat with blanket and totally forgot about the straps. It was a snowy day and we were driving through the country. Freaked me out when I realized. It was 6 years before I made that mistake again. When he was 6 I put him in the car then loaded up the groceries then got in and started backing up. He pipes up from the backseat "wow, I guess I don't have to buckle up today". Uh.... Yes, you do! Lol!

Court tomorrow morning. Could use any good thoughts you have to spare. I have to go to my lawyers office in a couple hours to pick up some paperwork.

[emmaegbert]

buckles: I have done this with both my older kids. DS told me as we were on the freeway onramp (I think he was around 2 at the time). I pulled over and buckled him in but wondered if it was actually more dangerous to be doing that! With DD1, she was a baby, and I got to where I was going and discovered it. Eek. Now I don't have a car, so DD2 has only been on 2 car rides in her life so far. And she was definitely buckled :)

adding: the thing about carseats, seatbelts, etc... obviously they only matter in an accident. thank goodness none of us have had an accident while unbuckled. or frankly, while buckled. I try not to beat myself up about stuff like this. we all make horrid mistakes in life, but best to be thankful when they don't actually lead to an awful outcome, and to move on and just let it be a warning to be more careful!

Edited by emmaegbert - 12/12/11 at 11:29am

[saoirse2007]

buckles...def more than once my oldest is 4 and he reminds me! the bucket i missed once when ds was a baby - but the big car seats especially when dh or i assume the other has done it. luckily my 2 year old an 4 year old usually keep me in check...how sad is that?????

[Amy May]

NAK (sling)

Messy house... we've been living out of suitcases for the past month while in Colorado, so I'm actually looking forward to getting back to my own mess! 

This morning Palesa was lying on my chest and peed all over me.  I thought I felt something warm, but figured I'd imagined it, until probably close to an hour later when I picked her up, and both of our clothes are soaked with baby pee.  We are sporadic EC-ers, and she'll go most of the time when we offer, but that doesn't mean we don't have blow outs.  And, she's nursing now, but just pooped, and I'd rather let her keep nursing than pull her off, take off her diaper and hold her over the potty and then nurse again.

This morning I emailed my boss and let him know our intention is to move to Colorado so I'm not really going to be coming back to work.  Whew, big deal.  It is strange to feel like we're making plans in permanent ink now and not pencil!

She just finished nursing, and her eyes are droopy and her mouth wide open.  But she keeps smiling these little drunken smiles.  I am so in love.  She is 7 weeks today and I still can't stop staring.  I miss when she was so tiny, but I love how much fun she is now. 

[emmaegbert]

good luck Steph. So sorry you have to deal with all this court stuff from an uncooperative ex.

congrats Amy on making your big move official.

[AKislandgirl]

Steph, thinking of you!

Amy, congrats on the move! Do you have a time frame in mind? Did your DH find a new position yet? We are hoping to move but I think we are closer to a year away from moving.

My girls have colds although with Maeve its mostly just lots of sneezing. I'm hoping it stays that way. DD1 isn't feeling well at all though. We all suffer when she is sick!

Yesterday DH and I spent a long time cleaning our playroom. We got rid of 4 garbage bags of stuff! The closet is now neat and organized and I stashed a lot of toys so we can do a better job of rotating them. I think Fiona will end up playing more with her toys if less of them are out. She's also outgrown her puzzles and a few other things that were taking up space on the toy shelf so those types of things were tucked away.

I filled a bag for a friend of Maeves outgrown things and filled her drawers with the next size up. Even though I've sorted through those clothes multiple times I still found things to pass on that I know we won't use. I'm only keeping the very favorites of clothes as she outgrows them because I'm not sure if we will have more babies. I pretty much saved everything from my oldest so it feels weird to be giving away baby things. DH would like to call us "done" at the two but I can't bear to make that decision yet. I'm not sure how to even make that decision honestly. I think I'll always want more babies! One of those things where you have to balance what your heart and your head tells you!

Back carries- so eager to try this with my woven wrap. I'll need DH as a spotter though for the first few times I think. We may give it a shot this week.

[Katico]

Thank you all so much - I am still mortified (perfect word, Iris), but at least I feel better knowing I'm not the only one!

[livacreature]

Katico: You're an awesome mom. I'm sure it happens to everyone, hopefully when the carseat is just there for precaution.

Steph: Good luck with court!

Amy: Congrats on the move!

AFM: Girl's 2 month appointment was today.  She's a whooping 7lbs, 5 oz.  Go back next week for a weight check.  They told me to try supplementing a few ounces of formula after she breastfeeds, might not be getting enough calories from my milk.  We'll see how it goes.  Her height and head size are right on target.  Has anyone done an ultrasound for a hip click?  We also have a prescription for one of those.

[lifeguard]

carseat - I did it once with ds - scared myself bad when I realized.

amy may - congrats on your decision.

steph - good luck!

livacreature - ds had a hip click, it did go away on it's own but in the meantime we saw the specialist 2 or 3 times & did an ultrasound. The ultrasound was pretty easy but cold for him. Be careful if carrying you use a carrier that supports the legs & doesn't dd hanging from her crotch - same goes for any baby contraptions you may use. Cloth diapering can be good too because all that fluff keeps their hips in a better position.

Loooong, disappointing day here. My Dad was supposed to arrive today. Last time we saw him was 3 years ago when ds was still new. Ds was very excited. The airport is close to 2 hours from here so we went in early & went swimming & had lunch. Waited in the airport 1.5 hours before I called home to find out if my dh had heard anything (I don't have a cell). Turns out my Dad woke up with a bad flu but I missed his call in the morning. We were out & about for 8 hours!

Yeah, I bought a cell phone on the way home - no more of this nonsense.

[dollyanna]

The other day I drove DD2 and took her out of the car to discover that somehow I managed to buckle the chest straps but forgot the crotch buckle.

[not_telling]

an early post to just share this...

remember that conversation we had several months ago...the "How Stickers and Young Children Drive Us Crazy" conversation...and one common pet peeve was kids who put stickers on top of stickers on top of stickers...wasting!!

well, i just had a similar moment with DS this morning, but about clothes.  he almost always is in charge of picking out his outfits...no problem.  we just received this shirt that had been on backorder for a few months: http://www.bodenusa.com/en-US/Clearance/Boys-Tops-T-shirts/21462/Boys-Stripy-Applique-T-shirt.html

totally cute.  DS wore it right away and then it was in the laundry and finally made it back to his drawer last night...where he promptly picked it out to wear today.  since it's been chilly here, DH also had him pick out a short-sleeve T to wear, too.  so, i was in the bathroom when DS was getting dressed this morning and what does he do?  he puts the short-sleeve T (nice, but no super cute pic or anything) OVER the monkey shirt!  i was like, "look, the monkey shirt is meant to be seen!  it's even meant to look like you're wearing something under it...not over it."  then i started naming kids in preschool who probably really want to see the monkey. 

alas, i made no headway.  what a waste of a monkey shirt.
 

[Katico]

Ahhh, motherhood....the ultimate exercise in letting it go.  Breathing deep.  Questioning why you even care about sticker "wastage" or monkey visibility  

I'm currently breathing deep in regards to DD1's Xmas tree.  We got her her own tiny tree and I, of course, had visions of a quaint little tree, preciously decorated - wouldn't she be delighted!!  Right.  So, of course Mama was to have nothing to do with decorating the tree!  Here it was last night, after she got her hands on the garland.

Right now it has a pair of socks, a doll and a purple balloon gracing it's branches, along with an obscene amount of beads and ornaments poached from the big tree.  And I am equal parts annoyed by the loss of my precious little idea and in love with her very special tree.....I think I need ANOTHER tiny tree just for Mama to decorate  

She also thinks all trees have to have a tigger ornament (thank you tree at the dr's office, now I need to find a tigger somewhere) and is BEGGING me to get her a tooth fairy( angel, hahaha!!!!) to hang on it too.  

Amy:  So exciting to have your plans start to take form!  

Lifeguard:  I just recently got a phone too, after years without....and I wonder how I've managed without it!  So many times it has saved me huge inconvenience already!

AFM:  Our dr's appt went well.  Claire weighed 12lb 11 oz!  

[RosemaryS-F]

Not_telling, frustrating! I got ds some very cute little french shirts that i love, but he just wants to wear the Boston Bruins oversized t shirt my parents got him when i was in the hospital---every day. sadness!

Beth, I'm late to the comfort session, but i've done this multiple (2-3) times--with someone else's baby. Just put him in and down the highway. realized it once, but the second time, no. scary mary--sorry this happened to you :(

Amy May--great for you. I also meant to say a post of yours ago that I am SO happy that the breastmilk is helping your mom. I had no idea that it was useful in cancer treatment. Awesome. I should tell my FIL who is a radiation oncologist and see what his thoughts are!

Lifeguard--double ugh. You must be exhausted.

AFM: My baby is crying less now, but still just not that "happy" of a baby. My ds was this way, but I'd expected them to be VERY different babies. She smiles, kinda, once or twice a day, and never a big, silly grin or anything. I know it is not an indication of how she'll be later, but it's tough now. I want to enjoy her so much more, but she's just serious or screaming most of the time. Jealous of the smile shots in the picture thread...

ETA: Beth, your dd's tree is SUPER cute! And I wouldn't want it in my house either. :)

 SEX: It's not that DH and I are unwilling, it's just that DD is awake all evening and sleeps only lightly until I turn out the lights and snuggle with her. How on EARTH can I get her to sleep without me?

[not_telling]

Monkey success!  Of course, like a true 3 year old, he waited until he had his coat on, all zippered up, and his backpack on (which, i couldn't help but point out to him, is also a monkey and banana motif) to say that he wanted to switch his shirts around.  Who cares, as long as all get to enjoy the monkey!

[livacreature]

Rosemary: I hope things with Iona get easier for you soon.  It is hard when they are unhappy to really enjoy them, it is draining.  

Lifeguard: That sounds exhausting.

Katico: Way to go Claire!  She's such a cutie.

Not_telling: I love the monkey shirt!

AFM: Had an awesome morning with babe.  Got up, dropped off DH (we share a car), went to the work christmas breakfast (where she was happily played with and passed around by a thousand people...I got to eat with two hands!), went and did Christmas shopping, and did the big grocery shopping trip without a single fuss or tear.  AND she was awake for most of it.  Baby is a champ, especially since she got shots yesterday!  She is passed out in her swing now and I am making baklava and gathering my wine making supplies to start a batch.  AND brother's surgery went well, he's home now.  And excited about being able to have regular coffee again.

[not_telling]

lifeguard - that really sucks about your dad being too sick to travel and  y'all not knowing until you'd already spent so much time driving/waiting.

katico - every time we're at the co-op market down the street from us and DS sees those little potted evergreen trees, he says all excited, "maybe one day we could get a little christmas tree and decorate it!" and i think for a moment, aww, wouldn't that be sweet to have a little one he  can decorate and keep in his room?  and then i think, "oh, but keeping those little lights on all night could be a fire hazard."  (never mind that we keep our lights on all day unless we're gonna be out for an extended period.)  guess we could do a little one with no lights... 

DS did get to help with the "big" tree...you can totally tell which ones he put up cuz they're all clustered in the one area he could reach by standing on a chair.  he says, "our tree is so ornamenty!"

livacreature - yay for good news about your brother and having a successful get-things-done day!  i had a similar morning in that DD slept in her bouncy seat from the time we got home from taking DS to preschool (about 9:00am) until after 11:00am, when i woke her to change her diaper.  the IL's are coming in this thursday-monday, so i did a bunch of long-neglected cleaning/dusting of the mantle, furniture in the dining room, etc.  also purchased a cool gift for my aunt's birthday this weekend. a cooking class for her and her 9 yr old granddaughter taught by a well-known chef from our local chinatown...it's a dim sum making class, followed by a tour of asian ingredients at a market in chinatown.

rosemary - yeah, i think the only way dtd will happen anytime soon is if we manage to do it mid-morning while DD sleeps in her chair and DS is at preschool (or someone else's house)...but, of course, DH is at work while DS is at school, so lord knows when that will happen.  when DS was younger...1 1/2-2 yrs maybe, when we were finally comfortable leaving him for a few hours at a time at my parents'...we would take him there and then come home to have "a date"...and it just felt like so much pressure to dtd, since this was our only DS-free time...so we usually would, but it was never really as great/satisfying as when we finally had our room to ourselves at night and could actually be spontaneous again.