I need to talk about two things-
HOW oh HOW do you not obsess over the spiritual implications about being broke, broke for a long time?? I suppose it is a bit OCD but not entirely. I worry about Feng Shui, about if I am being too negative or have some other "bad" thoughts that are causing this situation. Is God, or whoever, listening? How do I pray when a huge part of this is my DH's doing? I am sick with stress about money but almost more so about the anger and fear I am not "getting" something.
The other thing. One thing that goes down the drain is health. This makes me resentful. I mean my BODY is suffering. I am busy, no babysitter, ever. My bed is SO uncomfortable. I have no health insurance. I really could use some herbs, massage, chiropractic, acupuncture whatever! I can't even sleep!!!
Unfortunately those feelings don't get better. I obsess about the stress of money worries but I also feel that rage of "why me? why can I never get ahead? and why does ever else around me seem to have their lives completely in control and they don't struggle like I do?" And that doesn't go away with time either. It just intensifies. I try to remember that eventually it will ease up and you can only be in a down cycle so long......but it's hard to stay positive and be strong when you are getting bombarded day after day after day. Regarding the health though, I have no idea. I have a horrible bed too(it's actually from the 70's and was given to me). I rarely have a babysitter and only then for my mental health appts that would be inappropriate to bring my children to. My body hurts, my mind is a mess, etc. It's the constant cortisol that's released in your body from stress. Suggestions? Well, can you try to carve out some time to yourself? Do you have a partner that could watch the kids for an hour while you go take a walk? Maybe after bedtime you could take a bath and paint your toenails or make a special dessert for yourself and eat it all, not sharing it with anyone? Just a few minutes of "me time" every day even during naptime or getting up 20minutes early to enjoy a cup of coffee by yourself before the kids wake up can feel really refreshing. When my kids are really overwhelming or my mind is scattered, I take my kids to a bike path about 2 minutes from my house to let them run off some steam and get myself some sunshine. It actually REALLY helps. In the summer I pick some wildflowers or gather some seed heads for my own yard while they run and screech in the fields. Just an hour of this and we are all recharged and it's completely free.