New job with my first pregnancy? « Back to Group Discussions

[Willovia]

Hi there,

I've been struggling with this decision and could use a second opinion (or third).

I've never been pregnant before, and just found out last week. I think I'm about 3 weeks now. Definitely planned; we wanted to have a baby now. The unplanned part is that I had been pursuing a job since August and am close to receiving an offer. I previously worked for this company for five years and in fact my would-be-boss is 6 months pregnant herself. (I worked for her during her first pregnancy, and another former co-worker is due in 2 weeks, so I know it wouldn't be a bad place to work during pregnancy.) It's not the best with flex time, but the overall benefits are great. Basically, if I were to start in January, I would earn 12 weeks paid maternity by August.

Now, here's the catch. The commute is an hour away. Right now, my job is 5 mins away. I get to come home during lunch (DH would be staying home with the babe once born), and being close to home would allow more time together during the day/week for bonding/breastfeeding, etc. Each morning, I'd have about 1.5 hour additional time to sleep or do other things than I would if I took the new job.

The reason I'd consider leaving my job is that I'm not challenged. I've only been here six months, but I was overqualified from the get-go, I'm bored to death, and there is no room for growth. Co-workers are also a pretty unmotivated group (close to retirement) so it's very stale. My current boss knows this (she is great and I'm honest with her). She just doesn't know what to do with me to give me growth...it could be months/years before I move up. The new job opportunity was basically made for me. In fact, they recruited me from the moment the position became availabile.

The challenge I have is that I've never been pregnant; I don't know how my life will change by being pregnant and having a baby. I don't know what to expect from my body - energy or strengthwise - or if I'm going to get sick in the next few weeks/months. It's all foreign territory. What would you folks do? I'm fully planning on going back to work full-time once the baby is born, but that could feasibly go out the window too.

I'm having such trouble navigating this decision to the point where it's causing me anxiety. I'd hate to take the new job and find out in a few months that I'm too exhausted to do the commute and take on the new responsibilities. Then, there's the anxiety over telling them I'm pregnant. On the other hand, if I'm going to be working, I want to have a job that I'm excited to go back to after my leave. And my current job just does NOT excite me. I spend the majority of my work day on Mothering chat boards and pregnancy sites. I know it sounds easy, but I'd rather be home doing nothing than the work I'm doing now.

Thoughts are welcome.

[LittleBirdy]

Wow I really identify with you in a lot of ways.  I am in a bit of a different boat as I'm pregnant with #2, but so much of my situation is similar to what you're going through.

My job is not challenging.  It bores the hell out of me.  I hate that DS is in daycare all day while I'm here doing a job I don't even like.  A few months ago I went to my boss and told him I was miserable and he sort of re-wrote my job description to try and make it better and it's sort of half worked.  I found this GREAT job at another company about a month or so ago and I went for it.  Two days before my interview, I found out I was pregnant (surprise!!).  I went to the interview, it's an awesome opportunity - the two managers I met with were these really intelligent, interesting women and it was more money which is always nice.  The only downside is that it is a 45 hour per week job, minimum.  (So sort of similar to how your hours will be extended due to the long commute.)  They were all set to bring me back for a team interview and they actually had 3 open positions so the odds were really good that I'd get an offer, but ultimately I told them I was pregnant and withdrew my candidacy, saying that I knew they needed someone who could hit the ground running and really hit it out of the park in the first year, and that being pregnant & the mother of a newborn I wasn't going to be able to be that person.  Which is all true, but really DH and I decided that me going back to work (especially at those hours) was not something that made any sense once number 2 is here.

When I was making the decision, the pros for keeping my current job were:

     -If I had m/s or was tired or had pregnancy brain, it's nice to just be able to coast along

     -Current job has more flexible hours to get to prenatal appointments - and in that last trimester there are LOTS.

     -Current job offered better chance of getting part time work after maternity leave, if that's what I decide to do.

     -Hours are always 8-5, M-F.  Usually about 3 times a year we get really busy and I'll work a Saturday but that's it.

     -I spent the first 3 months back at work with my first as a complete sleep deprived zombie, but I could get by since it's an easy job.

     -When you have an infant, every minute counts.  2 extra hours a day away from the baby means likely an extra pumping session, which means another bottle, which means all the more opportunity to develop a preference for the bottle.  Not that BFing is the end all be all, but formula is freaking expensive and pumping is just not fun.

Pros for taking new job:

     -It was flat out a better job.  I would be happier there, more challenged, and more fulfilled.  If I hadn't gotten pregnant, I probably would have taken it.

So I can't say in your situation what I'd do, because I am not you, but maybe reading about my process will help somewhat??

[Willovia]

Thank you for your story, LittleBirdy. It does help a bit. These are things I can't foresee from experience (sleep deprivation, morning sickness, etc.) and kinda what I needed to hear.

It's perfect timing because I got a phone call this afternoon and my old boss who wants to chat this evening about the position. I'm still not 100% sure what to do. Poor DH says he'll support me either way and we'll make it work. I have that fear that I could be unhappy at the new job due to the distance, commute, or stress, and want to leave once the baby is here. And my current job isn't THAT terrible/stressful, whereas the new job would be a huge time commitment. It sucks because I never thought I'd have to make this type of decision...

[Sol_y_Paz]

Congrats! Welcome to the club.

[IntuitiveJamie]

That's a pretty tough decision. I can see both sides to it.  I fully support people living and working doing things they love, not that just pay the bills. On the other hand I can only give a personal perspective and mine was to be with my babes as much as possible. So being able to leave as late as poss. for work, come home for lunch and come home in a reasonable time would be the deal for me. I think until you've met your baby, you shouldn't make any decisions about being further away then necessary. It could drive you insane. In a year or so, you could look for another job elsewhere perhaps.

But I totally understand what the economy is like and jobs aren't just everywhere and no guarantees etc. So that's why I'm speaking from my personal perspective which is to be as close to my children as possible in the first couple of years. That's just the way I parent.

That's not so much help to you though, b/c you may feel completely fine with the commute, and be happier at work. Everyone is so different.  Keep us updated as to your decision.

[Willovia]

Things happen for a reason; I do believe that.

I spoke with my old boss about the position two nights ago. She called to offer me the position. However, in the interest of full disclosure, she told me she would be leaving to take a new job in the next couple of weeks. Ironically, she's going to a place that is much closer to my home than the other job. (Not as close as my current job which is 2 miles; but 10 miles away nonetheless. The job I was originally going for was 40 miles.) We spoke for an hour and while it was not the intent of the phone call, she joked that she'd love to have me join her at the new place. I was ecstatic, because it seemed like an awesome opportunity.

Yesterday, I spoke with a mutual friend of ours who recruited her to work at the new place, and she told me to get my resume over ASAP so she could bring me in for an interview within the next week. This new position would be a HUGE jump in title, almost $20k increase in pay, a commute of 25-30 mins,  and the vacation time is phenomenal (two weeks paid at xmas, every friday off in the summer, five days paid at Easter, all the federal holidays, plus four weeks personal vacation)....plus the office hours are 8:30 - 4:30 pm. The downside is that it will be a LOT of work up front, with overtime likely. They completely cleaned house in this department and my boss is going to be the new Director and will need to set up shop from scratch. I'd potentially be her Associate Director and next in line.

I think the fact that she's due in early February is a huge deal for me. Plus, she has a 2-year-old. I asked her, "Aren't you afraid to do this with a newborn?" In my head, I'm thinking - I'll be doing this throughout my whole pregnancy?! And she was honest. "I'm not. Because I know I'll be so close to my family. And while there's a lot to do up front, the benefits and rewards are so much greater." So, this feels like a blessing. More income means my husband won't have to work much (or at all) on weekends while he stays home. He'll be close enough where he can visit me with the baby. And I have the potential to work for a much more family-oriented workplace.

Fingers crossed it works out. I am sure over the course of the next 8 months I'll probably think, "Why did I agree to do this?" But I want to be a good role model for my child. I want to be a motivated and fulfilled mom. And being a drone that sits behind a desk for 9 hours a day doing nothing, really doesn't help me achieve those goals.

Hopefully once the baby is in my arms the work will still seem doable. But, like I said, everything happens for a reason, no matter what happens.

Thanks again for your help and advice!

[IntuitiveJamie]

Great news! And I fully agree that everything happens for a reason. I think this was a hard post for ppl to respond to, b/c it's such a personal thing, yk? I think it's wonderful that you want to be happy and fulfilled in what you are doing 8+ hours of almost every day. That really is exciting about the potential associate director position! It all sounds fantastic. I do have my fingers crossed for you, most definitely! I'll be waiting to hear about your interview and if you get the job, so don't forget to let us know.

[Ninetales]

I hope this new opportunity works in your favor! It sounds great!

[monkeyscience]

Oh, I really hope this new possibility works out! Sounds like you'd get the best of both worlds there (even though it would still be challenging!). Excited to hear more!

[marinak1977]

Wow, your new opportunity sounds amazing. Good luck!