So I had posted about Elliott being all thrashy at night and it driving me nuts. Well, I'm now 100% sure it's when he has gas. He will thrash around and then toot and then he's still. Anyway, Thursday we had the worst night ever and he just could not get all the gas out. Friday and Saturday were the best nights he's ever had. He slept from like 9-4 without waking and then ate at 4 and 6:30 and got up at 8am. So then last night...oh sigh...
He was up at 2 which was okay, but then at 4 he never stopped moving. I should have just gotten up, but I kept thinking he would settle. He never actually wakes up. His eyes are closed and he doesn't make a peep, but he slaps me, punches me, head butts me, kicks me, pulls my lip, scratches me, you name it. Any body part that can move does move. I've tried swaddling and sticking him in the cosleeper, but he is so thrashy it doesn't matter.
So at 6:30 this morning after being so frustrated, I had had it. Even though I was telling myself I knew it wasn't his fault and he must just be uncomfortable, I was so aggravated that I was being irrationally mad at him like he was somehow hitting me on purpose. I almost wish he had been crying. At least then I would have had more sympathy and it would have been easier for me to just get up and give up. Instead, it was fall asleep for 2 minutes only to be woken up over and over. It was a form of torture.
So then I was upset with myself for being mad at this little baby. Okay, I wasn't actually mad, but I certainly wasn't being completely rational either. I was losing patience and before I kicked him out of bed, I brought him to DH's bed (in another room) figuring the alarm was going off in a few minutes anyway. Elliott was still asleep. I just plopped him on the bed and went back to my room. I needed a minute to gather my sense because I felt like a dork for being aggravated with him. Well, I ended up falling asleep. Then the dog woke me up. Then I fell asleep again. Then I got up to check on the baby. Well, apparently he had been crying/fussing the whole time I left him. He has never cried for more than 2 consecutive minutes...for real. DH thought he had been crying all night and I just needed a break so he didn't wake me. I did not want Elliott to cry. It is literally the ONLY time I have not cared for him. I have done all but 3 diapers. I don't give him to DH so I can nap. I do it all (by choice) and the one time I give him to DH for what I thought would just be a minute, he cried.
I feel like I let him down. DH said he didn't cry hard with tears or anything, but it was more of fussing/whining and lots of grunting. He said he farted several times and then stopped.
I have to figure out what is causing his gas.
I feel bad he cried since it was longer than ever even though from the time I plopped him on DH's bed until I checked on him was less than an hour and he didn't fuss the whole time.
I feel like an idiot for being irrational in the wee morning hours thinking he was smacking me on purpose. Even at the moment I knew he wasn't, but I was getting so frustrated.
I feel like a bad mommy. My baby cried. :( I know babies cry, but Elliott doesn't. He occasionally cries in the car and he has cried twice when he was hurt, but a boob fixed that. Once I pinched his skin when I was buckling him in the seat. Another time he slammed his lip on my collar bone when he sneezed.
I also feel bad because DH said he opened my door to bring him in and Elliott was crying, but I didn't move. How could I not hear him? Later he said that when he opened the door, Elliott stopped, but still. I actually thought I heard him once and looked up, but the door was shut.
Ugh. Thanks for listening to me vent. I just feel like I let Elliott down and I'm disappointed in myself for not having more patience this morning.
Okay, little man, I promise to try not to get so aggravated again. I will also try to figure out what the heck keeps giving you gas.