Read it, I think you posted this link before and WOW! I should share it with my sister. We were raised in a baptist church then a vineyard church. Whatever they said about controlling your children and children not having voices is what my parents followed. As I grew older I began to realize that this lifestyle is perfect for those with a low self esteem and a need to control something in their life as well as play King of the Hill. Very sad and very heartbreaking. My parents were controlling and always critical of everything I did. I was always bad and wrong. If I did nothing I must have done something because without their guidance I was sinful. When I got a job at 15 they were angry because I was needed at home to care for my little sister, when I got two jobs in the summer because I wanted to be away and there were no sports to play they became hysterical. WHAT WERE THEY TO DO? I was making decisions on my own and trying to do things for myself. It was horrible. They picked who I could and couldn't date and compared me to all their friends kids. The perfect kids and families. If my mother knew all their friends kids were high just to get through the day she would have loved it and felt wonderful about her godly parenting. Of course I never told on them. Gotta do what you gotta do to get by.
Here are the things I'm still working on.
I have value and I don't have to follow a Godly Path to be of value.
I can do for myself without being considered selfish.
Idle hands are not sinful hands, I can sit on the couch and veg out for almost a whole hour without feeling nagging guilt.
I can talk back to adults. Sounds ridiculous but for so long a male figure scared me. Being in the military was terrible for me at times.
Someone older is not wiser and I do not have to follow what they say.
I can speak out for myself and for my lifestyle.
Sex is not dirty, sex with my husband does not have to be led by him. Having had multiple partners was not the end of me.
Not teaching my children the bible is my business.
Teaching my daughters to be strong, independent and to feel worthy is my goal!
I need to let go of all the guilt, it's just so hard.
I was never allowed to watch TV without guidance, otherwise I might stray. Music had to be approved as well as friends. If they didn't like my clothes... the ones I bought myself they were thrown away. I couldn't hang out with my friends I was allowed to go to school, play sports and work. When I did try to go to youth group they felt I was only going to see boys and I wasn't even allowed to do that. I couldn't go to the mall with friends only with them. I couldn't do anything. When a friend of mine got pregnant and needed me to go with her to a Christian Clinic that I had once volunteered at my mother found out while we were there and of course assumed it was me. She threw a screaming tantrum in front of my friend when we got back. And yes she was pregnant and no I was no longer allowed to see her. I still did. She didn't get pregnant by choice. She needed support. Her parents didn't care how she got pregnant all they cared about was that she was and out of the house she went. That would have been the same for me.
My parents kicked my sister out of the house so many times for being 5 minutes late or for not doing exactly what they said. I know they still hit her when they got the chance. I was routinely smacked or hit with things when my mom was mad at me and that was considered a good way to parent. I spent all of High School grounded for various infractions. I wasn't spanked anymore because I told my mother I would embarrass her in front of people by saying that she did. She didn't want that. Though she believed she was in the right she couldn't help wanting to save face at all cost. So I played on that a lot. It helped. I taught my sister how to do it as well. We had to be manipulative in order to be somewhat normal. My sister is still dealing with it all. I'm so far away she can't corrupt me or my kids. And when I do visit her every 5 yrs. I set boundries right away. I told her if she every touched my kids I'd break her arm rip it off and shove it up her ass! I told both my parents that if they tried to humiliate my kids to get them to behave or say anything about "jesus" to them I'd take their bible and it too would find a resting place in one of their cavities. I think now my mom is afraid of me. And I hate that, but need it.
Look I'm still working on it all. I may be a little off, but I got to do what gets me through this life and sometimes treating my mother with disrespect is all I can do to get through some of those shitty moments.