thinking of going vegan...

[heatherr30]

...but DH is not really on board with it.  And I can't imagine DD, 4,  would be either.

So how does it work when not all the family eats in the same way?  I am responsible for the cooking, do I have to cook 2 separate meals every night?  Or should DH be expected to cook his own meals if he doesn't want to eat what I'm having?  Which hardly seems fair, since he works all day while I stay at home with the kids.

How do other family's handle it? Are there any vegetarians/ vegans out there that have managed to eat the way they want  but still catering for a meat -loving  family?  Does it take a lot of time?  Does it feel very alone?  Is there any chance that DH and DD will convert over to eating vegan meals when they are at home, too, and learn to like it and reap the health benefits? I think I am plagued by the feeling that a vegan diet is an inferior one (from the point of view of society) and so i ought to cater for my family first and I will probably end up either starving or eating meat products half the time...

[petey44]

DD and DH are vegetarian.  I am currently vegetarian, but used to be vegan and am considering going back.  The way it worked for us before was that all "communal" products were vegan- things like bread and other baked goods, snacks, etc.  And we didn't buy butter and Earth Balance, cow milk and almond milk- we only bought the vegan version of whatever.  DH doesn't like milk and butter anyway.  But we did keep buying eggs for him, and occasional cheese.  There were no problems in the household or the budget. 

BUT...it sounds like your family eats meat?  That might be more difficult.  My friend is a life-long vegetarian with vegan leanings, while her husband is a meat eater.  Their kids are vegetarian.  If her DH eats meat at home, he cooks it (she might cook it for him on a very special occasion, like an anniversary).  She's working part-time now, but this was the arrangement even when he was the only one working and she was home all day.  I think this was an easy arrangement for them, though, because she has never eaten meat (religious reasons).  It might be different in your house since you currently eat meat.  But talk to your DH and see what his thoughts are. 

Also, if you're feeling like the vegan diet is inferior, you might want to start by going vegetarian.  It'll be less of a shock, less different from what you're currently used to.  And then once you're comfortable being vegetarian, going vegan won't seem like such a big deal.

[catnip]

We've always been an all vegetarian household, but when we were a vegan and vegetarian mix, we ate a lot of meals where eggs and dairy were optional side dishes or add-ons - fried rice with an optional fried egg on top, cheese on a baked potato, build your own tacos or burritos.

[heatherr30]

Thanks catnip these are good meal ideas!  Petey thank you for your honest response.  It is good to hear about your friend's solution--interfaith marriages can  be hard in many ways and it's nice to hear how they are making it work food-wise.  I think that might be a solution for us as well to agree on when and how often I would cook meat for the rest of the family, and also make use of leftovers for both of us.

It's not exactly that the vegan diet would be inferior... as just that DH would see it that way if he was suddenly told what he will "not" be served from now on. 

I think I had realized that one can't just figure out how to eat vegan overnight, but your comment about vegan vs vegetarian brings up an interesting point about labels--how do I want to label myself to others, if at all, and do I need to eat 100%vegetarian or vegan or just, as your friend, "have vegan leanings".  Definitely something to spend some time working towards rather than making the change all at once.  Thank you for pointing out that it is natural for this to be a bit of a process. (I tend to take the nuclear option and do things quite suddenly without thinking them through thoroughly)  Hopefully this would also give my family time to get used to new recipes and understand why I feel the way I do.

[catnip]

What I did both with going vegetarian and vegan was to do it gradually - starting with one day a week, and adding another day as soon as I was comfortable. That let me build up a repetoire of satisfying recipes. And I dog back through my trip planning notes for a mixed crowd ski trip I planned a few years ago (that never happened, but the notes are useful), here's a couple more meal ideas (the thrid night was supposed to be a BYO taco bar):

Baked pasta e'fagoli with chopped spinach and white beans, spinach and garlic bread (vegan) add ons for the omnis- parmesean cheese and grilled italian sausages.

French onion soup (vegan) topped with real or mock cheese, crusty bread and hummus, optional grilled chicken.

Basically the trick is to move the animal foods out of the starring role and into 'side dish' territory. Make a balanced, satisfying vegan meal, and then if your family wants a side of meat or something with it, add that alongside. A lot of mixed families swear by a countertop grill for quick segregated prep of a meat side dish.

Oh, and 15 years ago, if you'd told my husband he would be vegan today, he'd have said you were crazy and gone back to his rare steak. So really, there is hope.

[Milk8shake]

I've been a vegetarian since childhood.  Growing up, all of my family ate meat.  My partner also eats meat.

I haven't eaten any eggs since becoming vegetarian, and I cut things like gelatine and rennet out years ago. 

The last few months, I've been moving towards becoming a vegan.  I'm not totally there yet.

I started slow, firstly cutting out cheese - that was a big one for me (HUGE).  I loved cheese.

I haven't eaten any for months now, at least 4, maybe more like 6.  I can finally say that I don't miss it any more. 

So then it was cutting out dairy.  These days I'm still reading a lot of ingredients panels, and I occasionally buy the wrong things.

It requires a lot of focus, and dedication, and I'll be honest, I'm doubtful of anyone who claims to have "become vegan" overnight. 

Labels are hard.  People can be very judgmental and opinionated about veganism.  I'd be inclined to just say something like: "I'm making some changes to my diet" or "I'm avoiding/no longer eating animal products" until you are comfortable with exactly where you stand. 

I mean, people try all sorts of crazy diets: atkins, soup diet, south beach diet, etc - it's not really anyone's business what you eat anyway.

As far as meals are concerned, we have always had to separate ours a bit.  I tend to do things like make a pasta that we can both eat, and DP eats it as a side with a cut of meat, or he chops something like bacon for example to add to it.

Stir fries also work this way.  Sometimes he has meat and three veg, and I have "meat substitute" and three veg. 

Curries are also a pretty good idea.  Really, a lot of what we do is a "safe" meal, and then he adds his meat to it. 

Honestly, it's a bit more difficult now that I'm going the vegan route.  He is a pretty traditional eater, and is skeptical of some of my vegan food and substitutes, but it's gonna take time to adjust.   I'd love it if one day he went veg as well, but I'm very, very doubtful.