I think I just need to vent or something. I feel like I have no one locally to talk to about this kind of stuff and I'm sitting here crying and don't know how to stop being upset.
I am so pissed at my boyfriend right now. We live together with my 3yo daughter (full time) and his 6 and 8 year old kids (part time). The 8yo goes to karate and has a test tonight, so we expected her mother would show up for that and I decided I'd rather stay home because last time I showed up it was somewhat of a disaster (not totally the ex's fault...my BF would not introduce us and decided to just ignore the situation and pretend like his ex wasn't even there for the most part...it didn't help that she went to go sit with my BFs parents leaving no room for me and him to sit with the parents and kids, but that's another story). His 6yo HATES going to karate and ever since I moved in, loves the idea that he can stay home and have dinner with my and my daughter while my BF takes the 8yo to karate. We told him we'd do the same tonight a few days ago and his response was basically, "YAY!!!!"
So, I spent half the afternoon planning and cooking a meal I know he'll like (he's a picky eater and often ends up with PB&J) and planning some games and maybe a Christmas movie we could all watch together, etc...My BF was planning on taking the 8yo out after karate for some alone time with her.
Well, they walk in the door tonight and I can hear the 6yo saying he wants to go to karate and crying when he is told no. I find out that the ex told the 6yo she would sit with him at karate and of course he wants to see his mom and spend time with her over me and my daughter, so of course he's upset when dad tells him no, he can't go. Now my choices are sit at home with a pissed off and crying kid because he can't see his mom (he has already seen her today after school), or let him go and have the last couple hours of my life be a waste since I'll be eating dinner alone (I told the BF to just take all the kids). Of course I did not make him stay home, but I feel really hurt (even though I know I should not) that he wanted to go to karate even though he hates it so much and really pissed that the ex made plans with her son during a time she knows we have the kids. On top of that, now my BF has to break his promise to his daughter about having a special evening just with her.
The two things that make me most angry though is one, the ex is not supposed to make plans with or for the kids when we have them, but she does so anyway. This is not the first time. In the past she has gone so far as to make a doctor appointment for one kid for something she didn't even discuss with my BF first and then call him up and say, "Here is the date and time of the appointment. Make sure you take time off of work to take our child to the doctor." WTF? How can she presume that it is okay to make plans for him, no matter what it is, before even knowing what their schedule is?? The appointment wasn't even for a time that we had the kids, so shouldn't it have been HER responsibility to take the child to the doctor??? As for tonight, she denies making plans with the 6yo, but she told him that she would sit with him at karate tonight and I feel like that IS making plans with him during a time that she is not supposed to be with them. Yes, it is okay for her to be at karate, but plenty of times in the past the 6yo has stayed home with me and she knows that.
The second thing that makes me mad is that my BF never stands up to the ex. He is always afraid anything his says she will use against him later on and he will lose custody. So tonight he just told her not to make plans with the kids when he has them. She said she didn't and that was that...he just rolls over like a dog. I want him to tell her that we know she told the 6yo she'd sit with him and that is what making plans is and that it is inappropriate! I wanted him to tell her to take the child to the doctor HERSELF the time she made the appointment, but he wouldn't. So many other times he just does not stand up to her. He lets her send nasty condescending texts and just does what she wants and when I make him say something, he is upset and mad and nervous for days afterwards making our lives miserable. I am so sick of it. It is a good thing I don't have any contact with her because I sure would not let her talk to me like that and I hate that she talks to him like that. But he doesn't want to upset her. Well F*** that. Why is it okay for me to be sitting her crying and upset and alone so that she doesn't get upset?
I don't know what to do about it though. What can you do if your ex keeps making plans with the kids like that?